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I'm semi retired from the company but I still go in three days a week . A co worker was telling me that she had a date on Wednesday night and he was the choir director at her church . Well when he dropped her off at her place he asked if he could come in and she told him no . She said he became a lil irritated and said that he had driven a good bit to get to her and he never had not been asked in . I told her that was not normal and she did the right thing by telling him no , who knows what he had in mind ? I told her she should also speak to the pastor of the church where he is employed and let the pastor know what occurred . I mean just because they are employed by a church does not mean they are a saint to put it mildly. For some reason that guy that worked for Joyce Meyer came into my head . The guy who handled security for her ministry at one time , he had killed his wife and two boys . Sad just sad . So I feel like I might have saved her life and I'm glad she told me and I told her so . Is this how men are acting on dates now ? I have been married a long time and I would not relish being single in this day and age at all .
The only weird thing is that he complained about driving all that way without being let in...maybe he had to go to the bathroom before he left for home? I don't know - but I do think telling the pastor at the church is over the top. It's not his business what his employee does on his own time. If the guy was rude, ok fine. But he didn't cross the line, he just annoyed your friend. JMO...
It's interesting to say the least. lol. I'm in my mid 50's and a widow. just starting to date again. signed up on match.com and having fun but haven't really met anyone who "floats my boat".
you do have to be very careful. I had a meet and great with a guy, coffee at starbucks, very nice conversation. Next day I get a text asking me which weekend worked better for me 8/11 or 8/25. confused I said "better for what"?? he said he wanted to make weekend reservations to a popular beach town and those were his weekend off from work.
[bleep] I just met you, why would you think that I was going to go away with you??? so I tell him, I take things "sloth" slow and really get to know someone. He says "ok" but on second date (which is actually the 1st ) he tries the old "lean in, arm around your shoulders like your yawning" move to kiss me, which I rebuff.
So basically I told him I didn't want to see him anymore as it was evident we had two very different approaches and he said "yeah, you still have too much baggage from your marriage". humm no, I have to much self esteem to hop into bed after meeting some one 1 time. what the heck are you 19!!
Last edited by Miss Blue; 11-08-2017 at 05:44 AM..
The only weird thing is that he complained about driving all that way without being let in...maybe he had to go to the bathroom before he left for home? I don't know - but I do think telling the pastor at the church is over the top. It's not his business what his employee does on his own time. If the guy was rude, ok fine. But he didn't cross the line, he just annoyed your friend. JMO...
I think it's one of those situations where you have to go with your gut. If someone has to use the bathroom, that's what they usually say.
"can I use the bathroom before I hit the road" not "are you going to invite me in?" and then the line about "never not being asked him" was imo a red flag.
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I certainly don't think she should go to the pastor with her personal relationship quirks with the choir director. This is how petty church politics get started.
She's a grown woman. If she doesn't like the behavior of this guy, it would be kind of weird to go over his head and rat on him to his boss.
In a secular situation, can you imagine doing that? Dating a co-worker, and if the guy had a weird quirk going and telling his boss?
I think it's one of those situations where you have to go with your gut. If someone has to use the bathroom, that's what they usually say.
"can I use the bathroom before I hit the road" not "are you going to invite me in?" and then the line about "never not being asked him" was imo a red flag.
Agreed - I was sort of reaching!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
I certainly don't think she should go to the pastor with her personal relationship quirks with the choir director. This is how petty church politics get started.
She's a grown woman. If she doesn't like the behavior of this guy, it would be kind of weird to go over his head and rat on him to his boss.
In a secular situation, can you imagine doing that? Dating a co-worker, and if the guy had a weird quirk going and telling his boss?
That's what I was thinking - whatever she decides to do with the weird guy should remain her business, not the weird guy's boss
Given that your coworker and her date both go to the same church, I would assume that they knew each other on at least some level before they went on their date. So she apparently trusted him enough to go out with him, at any rate. Would things have gone wrong if she had invited him in? Maybe. But maybe he was simply enjoying their conversation and wanted to extend it some more before going home. We don't know. Her on-the-scene gut appraisal of this person (with whom she had at least some level of acquaintanceship) is what I would go with. Her gut said, don't invite him in; so that's what was done.
And I apologize if I misread what you wrote, but how exactly did you potentially save your coworker's life? By telling her that you agreed with what she did, after the fact?
As for involving the pastor, I don't think that's warranted at all, at least not by what you've said here. If this guy gets weird on her in the days to come, then I think it would be appropriate for her to involve the pastor, who after all is the spiritual shepherd of the guy in question. But from your description, it sounds like she handled herself fine, and the guy did nothing wrong except maybe get a little annoyed at the time.
Your coworker was wise to deny the man entry but it's a stretch to report him to the pastor because you think he might be a killer. I'd advise she refuse his future request for a 2nd date should he ask.
Yes, the man she had the date with, is ill-mannered and socially clueless. Should it be reported to his employer? That may not be the right thing to do. She has the choice to simply not go out with him anymore, and move on. She was not raped, attacked or assaulted.
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