Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran
Keep it simple.
"Why do I need to know this?"
or
"Why do you tell me these things? I am not interested. "
Do not descend to her level. She is a jerk. Don't be like her.
Say your piece, then walk away.
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Ran into something similar yesterday, when I was checking out from an auction at which I got some very nice antique items I really liked and had wanted for a long time, at very good prices. I was absolutely elated.
But then, a woman who was a complete stranger commented on one of my newfound treasures admiringly - and then said, "I told my friend about that one, and both of us think it's a reproduction".
If it was the real thing, I got it for about 1/10 of its value (still not a cheap price). If it was a repro, I'd overpaid considerably. This item was a fine example of something I've collected for a long time and I am quite familiar with its category.
"Why do you think it's a repro.?", I asked. She had no real answer, other than it was too clean for a 100+ year old piece. I pointed out some features which indicated that my item was the real thing - she continued to say she thought it was a repro. or heavily restored- so I walked out, muttering "Joy Killer!" under my breath.
Now, this woman had sat behind me at the auction. I have no idea if she had bid on the item in question - most of the bids seem to be online bids, but I know at least one or two other people physically present were bidding. One sat in front of me - not this woman. Another was somewhere behind me - could have been her. She had already purchased a similar item - not as nice - that definitely was antique, earlier in the afternoon and I had commented pleasantly on it. So maybe she thought that gave her the right to try to deflate my elation later. Or maybe she was just clueless, or well-intentioned but clumsy, or just didn't realize what a downer her comment was.
Or maybe she was just a mean, jealous person. Or needed to brag about her own supposed expertise at the expense of mine.
But if she was envious of my happiness and my purchases and so chose to put them down in order to cast doubt on my judgment and destroy my upbeat mood, well, she did manage to do that. Temporarily, as the item in question is genuine, by all indications - I examined it very thoroughly when I got home and checked reference books about its manufacturer and their products, including this one.
So my doubts were assuaged and my mood lifted - but that comment was so ill-timed and unnecessary. She had sat behind me, and easily could have said something about the item's genuineness or lack thereof prior to my purchasing it.
The auction gallery's online photos of the item were badly lit and not at all good - I had checked it out in person ahead of time, during the inspection, because I couldn't tell from the pictures whether it was the real thing or not.
So perhaps the "friend" relied on those photos, without actually seeing and handling the item. That would be a valid explanation - but the woman herself was present at the auction, and the item was carried through the gallery while bids were taken. I also kept it beside me for another 45 or so minutes afterwards, while I was waiting for something else to come up, before I checked out, so she certainly had a close-up view of it then.
Or maybe the "friend" was just made-up.
All so needless. Jealousy and envy are ugly emotions. Evidently this woman's parents had never taught her "If you can't say anything nice...", etc. Glad she's not an acquaintance, and if I ever see her at an auction again, I'll know to keep far away.
Meanwhile, I am the happy new owner of a beautiful antique item that I will treasure for years to come. I hope writing about this incident will help me move beyond it, and will perhaps help others realize what hurt a careless critical and ill-timed remark can do - not just to those towards whom it is directed, but to the reputation of the speaker.
So if you don't want to be considered rude and envious and jealous and vindictive - say something nice, or keep your mouth shut.
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