Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've seen several threads on this forum that talk directly about this experience, so rather than repeat these, I'll invite the discussion to be more broad, being told you're rude for politely requesting someone tone things down with themselves or their bratty children.
Here's what happened: I was eating lunch with a relative in a casual sit down restaurant and a woman next to us had three children, one of whom was probably 5 or 6 and was getting up, running around the table, talking extremely loudly like he was in his own backyard, and generally making the experience less than pleasant for the 8 or so other tables in the immediate area.
This went on for about 10 minutes and the mom seemed very oblivious to the fact that her little darling was acting so inappropriately for a restaurant where others were also trying to enjoy their meals. She didn't seem to be trying to correct or calm down this behavior at all. Finally, after getting frustrated with this (and from the looks of the patrons at about every other table I wasn't the only one), and after dropping a hint that someone needed to be quieted down with a "shhhhhhhh" sound to no avail, I made eye contact with presumably the mom, and said, with a quiet, non aggressive tone and facial demeanor, Could you please have him to quiet down a bit? We're trying to enjoy our meal here.
She looked a little taken aback, but for the next 20 minutes or so, until they left, it was quiet. I'm sure the other nearby patrons appreciated being able to eat their meal in peace.
Then, when they are leaving, she comes up to the table. I'm thinking she's going to say "I'm sorry about my son. He's just been a little hyper today." To which my reply would have been something like, "sure not a problem, that's probably happened to everyone at some point."
Instead, she told me, that this was a family style restaurant, and there had been a death in her family (to which I told her "I'm sorry"). Then, in front of my other family member, and where the other patrons could probably hear, she told me that it was very rude for me to have said anything to her about her son. Surprised, I just responded "no, it wasn't rude" and she just stormed off. Had I yelled, Tell that little _____ to SHUT UP!, then yes, that would have been rude of me.
Maybe she was just stressed out about dealing with a loss (which I'm sorry about, but how was I to know and does that excuse any kind of behavior in public)?, and taking it out on someone else. Has anyone else had this type of incident happen?
IMO, unless you were at Chuck E Cheese or near the play area at McDonalds (an establishment clearly inviting kids to run around), parents shouldn't let their kids wreak havoc in a public place.
We have a local restaurant that is fairly large. In the back near the bathrooms is a seating area with a few tables and toys in the corner for young kids. We used to take my son there. I felt it was okay to let him make a reasonable amount of noise in the area where the toys were. It was apart from the main dining room, and with the toy area in the corner, patrons were clearly getting the message that kids would be playing here. Had my son wanted to take a toy airplane and run it around the whole restaurant, it would have never been allowed by me. I also watched him closely to make sure he wasn't infringing too much on the other diners in the toy area.
All that said though, for the very reason you encountered, I would have asked the waitress to be your messenger. It works double-duty. You aren't confronting another patron directly, and you're letting the people who work there know your experience in their establishment is being ruined because no one is attempting to control the hyper kids. On the flipside, the waitress may have told you they encourage that sort of atmosphere. Then you would know never to go there again.
Yes OP. While it doesn't sound as though anything you said was rude, it's the responsibility of the restaurant to see to the comfort of all their patrons. You should have let the manager know, and at the very least, requested to be reseated away from the loud kids.
I've seen several threads on this forum that talk directly about this experience, so rather than repeat these, I'll invite the discussion to be more broad, being told you're rude for politely requesting someone tone things down with themselves or their bratty children.
After hearing the part where she had a death in her family, she may have been so lost in her thoughts, and totally out of it, that it is possible that she couldn't even see that he kid was being hyperactive. I heard of this too… you just veg out sorta and it is possible she was so deep in her grief that she didn't notice.
but i think you were polite and did the right thing. sounds like you woke her up out of her stupor. and who knows, maybe she was on some kind of tranquilizer too, who knows.
Yes OP. While it doesn't sound as though anything you said was rude, it's the responsibility of the restaurant to see to the comfort of all their patrons. You should have let the manager know, and at the very least, requested to be reseated away from the loud kids.
I like that suggestion, and yes, I would have done that. But I didn't feel a need to be moved once I had politely requested her to get her son to tone it down a bit, and she did have her son calm down. Her rather aggressively confronting me happened when she left, after I thought things were politely settled.
I wouldn't settle for that. I would request a new table. A good manager would also comp the meal, but I wouldn't consider it a requirement.
If it had continued, that's what I would I have done. I'm sure they would have moved us, but I know the restaurant would be unlikely to say anything to the other patrons, unless someone's misbehavior is extreme to the point that they're going to get thrown out of the restaurant or even arrested for disorderly conduct or something like that. Plus they probably don't want to risk offending their customers, including the annoying ones, unless they absolutely have to address something that gets out of hand.
I probably wouldn't have asked they comp the meal, unless something really extreme happened, though, just because I think some people abuse the "comp meal" card and ask for meals to be comped for the silliest of infractions (waitress forgot to be straw the first time, etc.). That's a different discussion though.
Yes, it was so bad that we asked the waitress to move us to another area (we already had been served our food). We moved. Other patrons then asked to also be moved. Three other tables moved. Management never said anything to the parent with the bratty child. I was amazed.
All a manager will do is say "Dont worry about it; theyll be gone soon".
And my response would have been, "See you on Yelp!"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
