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Seriously? Just last night we went to a neighborhood restaurant for dinner and one member of a group of adults was apparently drunk and being extremely loud and IMO obnoxious. His tablemates were laughing (either at him or with him) and they were having a good time. As we weren't seated super close to them, we did nothing. And that's hardly the first time I've had such an experience at a restaurant. The number of times adults have been loud and annoying far outnumber the times I've been annoyed by kids, and I'm not that tolerant, period. When the kids were little, we'd go out to eat early and there'd be people from local offices there for FAC and it could get very noisy.
Another thing, OP, most parents are very sensitive about criticism of their kids from total strangers. You were expecting one response, and you got another. Let that be an object lesson.
Maybe you need to move to a better neighborhood?
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
btw I have very well behaved kids in public. But I am so sick of all these posts whining about kids. If you are bothered by them, stay home of find establishments who segregate them or ban them. Easy peasy. You cant decide how she parents and clearly doesnt know what she is up against. Moms dont have to stay home to make you happy. Get over it.
Well if you have well behaved children than you wouldn't be tolerant of badly behaved children. And it is not "get over it", how about "don't tread on me", I don't put up with rowdy behavior or people talking during movies.
I also make it a point when I see children in a restaurant who are well behaved to say something to the family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoriBee62
I've had that happen in movie theaters. Someone is making a ton of noise during the movie and I'm biting my tongue hoping someone else will say something. Ideally, the person sitting closer to the offender. My husband is usually the guy who will say something, and when he does, others in the theater usually add their agreement, which is nice.
Good for your husband, all it takes is one person to speak up and others join in.
Yes- I think in this particular case I think this could have definitely had an impact on how she responded. I thought of that, and obviously there's no way I would have known that when I spoke to her. I'm very sensitive to how grief could make someone act in a way that's out of character for someone and sensitive to that.
My point in starting this thread was for a discussion of the broader topic of when is it appropriate to say something when someone else's child is misbehaving and it's making for an unpleasant experience in public. The example that happened to me was just an example to illustrate my particular experience with its unique factors.
That makes sense.
I think I'd agree with some others that it's best to take it up with management. Let them deal with it. It can be a touchy situation and that seems like the best solution to handling these types of situations.
I don't think the OP was out of line, if the kid was truly loud and distracting. Actually, DH and I usually suffer in silence when we are in this situation. My take on the unruly kid and the ineffective mother, is that she doesn't have the strength of character to manage her child, so she becomes hostile when her parenting is implicitly criticized. The excuse about a death in the family is lame. A death in the family does not make a little kid act as if he has never been taught how to behave.
I have only confronted one mother, many years ago, and I know I did so because I was sick. If I had been well I would have moved on. The mom had a cute little toddler in the shopping cart and she was berating her. It was as if she was out of control, and it seemed as if she was sort of raving. I actually told the woman to control herself. (I can't believe it did this, but I did.) I told her that twice. I believe my exact words were, "You need to get a hold of yourself." She actually had the decency to look a bit chastised. I hope she found a better way to deal with her daughter.
But back to the OP, I think it showed courage that you asked the woman to manage her child. I do think that you are encouraging payback though. I think you were lucky she didn't key your car, or worse.
If your child has become the devil because someone died in the family (really, a 5 year old gets what's happening?) then you need to go to a drive-through, or as someone else mentioned, a Chucky Cheese.
Good on the OP for asking her to behave. She obviously is not used to having any consequences for her kid's bad behavior. Glad you gave her one. She was rude for not controlling her kid and disrupting 8 tables - not you.
I can't recall every calling someone out on this, but I have walked out of a restaurant because of it, after calling the manager over to my table and explaining why I'm leaving, and that I expect him to cover the bill, as I'm leaving without finishing. The manager has always agreed to this. Normally, this would have included maybe a beverage and soup or salad by this point.
I have confronted women whose children were ruining my shopping experience in a store. Of course there, I can say my piece and walk to the next aisle LOL!
I've only confronted one mother about her child's public behavior, and it was in a store. Long story short, her child was completely out of control (she was about 6) and was talking so rudely TO HER MOTHER that it was making my skin crawl.
I pushed my cart with my four year old over next to the woman and child, and I said loud and clear to my daughter, "See that girl? See how she's acting? If you EVER act like that toward me, I will tear you up one side and down the other!" My daughter said solemnly, "Yes M'am." I looked right at the other mother and she looked right at me and then I just said, "Honestly - get control of your child," and I walked off.
It felt good to say it but I doubt it really did any good. At least it got my daughter's attention.
I'm on line with the comments on here. The OP handled it well and the only rudeness was from the parent - ALL of it.
I once yelled - and with some rudeness - to a parent in the movie theater whose baby was screaming and they were in no hurry to carry it outside. The mother did then get up and leave.
Too many parents choose to tune out their children's bad behavior in places like restaurants to make it easier on themselves. I've seen horrific misbehaviors in restaurants and busses, and even once inside a library. My mother would have taken me aside and given me one heckuva spanking for it (and, yes, it worked). But just because the parents prefer oblivion does not mean that the rest of us should suffer for it.
I'm on line with the comments on here. The OP handled it well and the only rudeness was from the parent - ALL of it.
I once yelled - and with some rudeness - to a parent in the movie theater whose baby was screaming and they were in no hurry to carry it outside. The mother did then get up and leave.
Too many parents choose to tune out their children's bad behavior in places like restaurants to make it easier on themselves. I've seen horrific misbehaviors in restaurants and busses, and even once inside a library. My mother would have taken me aside and given me one heckuva spanking for it (and, yes, it worked). But just because the parents prefer oblivion does not mean that the rest of us should suffer for it.
I remember that being young, misbehave in a store or restaurant? Get swatted on the spot. Didn't take me long to learn manners in public.
Im glad you said something cause far too many people don't say anything to kids who misbehave . There was a lil one at the post yesterday and grandma could not get her in the car and she kept kicking her grandma . I said "grand I think it is time for a spanking and she said honey I do spank . I did not believe her because if grandma spanked that kid would not be doing that to her .Or perhaps grand does not effectively spank and yes there is a difference . a lot of these parents wont get control of their kid because the kid is not bothering them so they don't think it should bother anyone else . It burns me up when some clueless twit of a parent lets their kid run wild and then does not expect anyone to say anything .
I've only confronted one mother about her child's public behavior, and it was in a store. Long story short, her child was completely out of control (she was about 6) and was talking so rudely TO HER MOTHER that it was making my skin crawl.
I pushed my cart with my four year old over next to the woman and child, and I said loud and clear to my daughter, "See that girl? See how she's acting? If you EVER act like that toward me, I will tear you up one side and down the other!" My daughter said solemnly, "Yes M'am." I looked right at the other mother and she looked right at me and then I just said, "Honestly - get control of your child," and I walked off.
It felt good to say it but I doubt it really did any good. At least it got my daughter's attention.
Can't rep you anymore, love this!
People all to often don't understand they are ruining other people's experience. We were at a family dinner once with my kids, 3 and 5 at the time. My daughter was being very ill behaved, very. I told her if she screamed again I would pick her up and leave. She screamed, I picked her up and left my husband and son to finish dinner. People came over and thanked my husband.
OP haven't you noticed how many grown up people like you, cleaning their nose, chewing loud , gossiping loud, drinking their tea as every one can hear, kicking the tables, cleaning their teeth with wide open mouth,, ???????????? When a child do speak loud , walk around the table they bratty kids what about adults??? Don't you think kids follow the adults. If you were decent woman you would not use "bratty kids" even in a forum. I am not getting irritated by kids but with adults above I am going nuts.
Oh, please. They called it like they saw it -- and "bratty" is a pretty good description. "Decent" woman? Good grief *eyes rolling*
Adults can be loud, too, yes. But children are presumably under the control of their adult caretakers, who are held responsible for their behavior. Most adults do not get out of their seat and wander around the dining area out of boredom or excess excitement. Never mind the annoyance factor, it's also a safety factor -- all the child has to do is trip an unwary, harried server carrying a cup of coffee and all hell would break loose.
The mother is also a brat who has grown up with no regard for other people's feelings, either, if she can honestly look someone in the eye and call them "rude" for asking that she control her little hellion child. Sorry for her loss, but I bet she's not going to let the child wander around the funeral service on their own -- because THAT would be disrespectful. In a restaurant, surrounded by strangers - why should she give a damn about THEM?
After raising two kids, I've certainly taken my share of kids out to the car or for a walk around the outside of the restaurant -- sometimes accompanied with a well-earned smack on the bottom for being "bratty", and other times in resigned recognition that the child is simply too tired or too wound up to learn how to be a good restaurant client this time. But I sure as heck never made the people at the next table responsible for trying to teach my chldren manners.
Worst dinner out: Booth behind us had three kids. Crowded restaurant, took the booth with misgivings, telling the hostess, "OK, let's see how it goes," already having a pretty good idea by seeing the amount of food already on the floor. One kid kept standing up and looking over the booth to see what we were eating (and reporting back, loudly). He finally did it with a french fry drenched in ketchup -- which promptly ended up being dribbled down the back of my white shirt. "HEY! STOP THAT!" I scolded the child, and when he started crying, the mother got angry until I showed her what her little angel had done. But at that point, the father, embarrassed, started yelling at the little boy (the first words he had said to the kid since we had sat down, he had been on his phone the entire time), and finally, the manager of the restaurant brought them all take-out boxes, comped them a dessert, and suggested that perhaps it was time to leave.
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Can't rep you anymore, love this!
