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wow! The mother is abusive and is using the silent treatment to punish, which is considered by professionals to be emotional abuse, and you are advocating the OP placate her abuser.
I am not suggesting the op cut her mother off but just let her mother have her little hissy fit. If the mother calls then the Op can be open to it,but if the mother gets nasty again then a healthy boundary is to state that if the mother is going to be negative and rude it is time to conclude the call. If the mother can't stop being nasty and emotionally abusive and then the healthy thing to do is distance herself. I suggest you stop projecting and realize that not every situation is like yours and not every child played a role in their abuse. In fact the suggestion that a child who has been abused is somehow responsible or played a role in it is deeply offensive and sick.
What I am advocating is the future contains opportunity. For both adults.
I happened to have had varying styles of abuse thru out my life . And thru therapy and yes dare I say it,the ability to change my bitterness into productive relationship. I gained. I'm dearly sorry that you wish to demean my advice. It's thru experience and far more wisdom that I can write this knowing that the OP has a better chance at moving forward when she can come to terms with her past baggage. She can't change others ...she can though set healthy standards .
Be a bit kinder to the writers here. That dismissiveness is unbecoming.No one here is advocating abuse.
What I am advocating is the future contains opportunity. For both adults.
I happened to have had varying styles of abuse thru out my life . And thru therapy and yes dare I say it,the ability to change my bitterness into productive relationship. I gained. I'm dearly sorry that you wish to demean my advice. It's thru experience and far more wisdom that I can write this knowing that the OP has a better chance at moving forward when she can come to terms with her past baggage. She can't change others ...she can though set healthy standards .
Be a bit kinder to the writers here. That dismissiveness is unbecoming.No one here is advocating abuse.
I was abused and I worked through it and let go of any bitterness but there is no way I woukd ever have a relationship with my abuser. Prison didn't change him, time hasn't changed him,he is still the same manipulative abusive person. If the ops mother is willing to admit she is an abuser, is willing to respect boundaries, is willing to go to therapy great, but until then the op needs to step back and let her mother get over her hissy fit and stop the abusive silent treatment none sense.
If you advocate being kinder to writers here please revisit your own post first. One thing you should never suggest to a victim of child abuse that they played a role in their abuse.
If you advocate being kinder to writers here please revisit your own post first. One thing you should never suggest to a victim of child abuse that they played a role in their abuse.
Great idea! You are aware that the OP is an adult and did not precisely say which style of abuse. Her statement that it's still going on...Leads me to think it's verbal or condescending. (Kinda like your remarks) Other then her mother being a bit lacking in filtering her opinion. I didn't read abuse of the level that would create charges thru the courts. But like you said...I really shouldn't use my experience as a source of reasoning when a person is in a tiff with a parent. So glad you chose to disengage with your long term abuser.
Let's agree that you are 100% for staying away from an active abuser .
Great idea! You are aware that the OP is an adult and did not precisely say which style of abuse. Her statement that it's still going on...Leads me to think it's verbal or condescending. (Kinda like your remarks) Other then her mother being a bit lacking in filtering her opinion. I didn't read abuse of the level that would create charges thru the courts. But like you said...I really shouldn't use my experience as a source of reasoning when a person is in a tiff with a parent. So glad you chose to disengage with your long term abuser.
Let's agree that you are 100% for staying away from an active abuser .
Read the 2nd sentence carefully. The OP was physically abused s a child. Again, why are you advocating reconciliation?
Quote:
Originally Posted by thedelight21
I've had a love/hate relationship with my mom for my life so far. I've been verbally and physically abused by her throughout my childhood up until now. She doesn't have friends that visit her or that she visits. Most of my relatives have stopped talking to her. Whenever I did something, my mom would always say the opposite. For example, when I graduated college she said I would never be able to get a master's degree. Now I'm in graduate school and she has said I shouldn't have gone. When I graduated college and I invited my parents to graduation, she made me feel bad for switching majors and not graduating within 4 years (I graduated in 5). Whenever I confronted her about how she treated me, she said it was for my own good because she "cared". I recently moved with my husband to another state and before moving I just let everything out when I was visiting her. I stopped calling her since I've moved. It's been about 2 weeks. I felt bad and called to see how she's doing, but she won't answer my calls or return them. I feel at peace not to hear all the negativity, honestly. Should I just move on or try to make amends?
You are aware that the OP is an adult and did not precisely say which style of abuse.
Let's agree that you are 100% for staying away from an active abuser .
The op stated "I've been verbally and physically abused by her throughout my childhood up until now. "
Her mother is still actively abusing emotionally so yes I'd say op needs to stay away.
I've had a love/hate relationship with my mom for my life so far. I've been verbally and physically abused by her throughout my childhood up until now. She doesn't have friends that visit her or that she visits. Most of my relatives have stopped talking to her. Whenever I did something, my mom would always say the opposite. For example, when I graduated college she said I would never be able to get a master's degree. Now I'm in graduate school and she has said I shouldn't have gone. When I graduated college and I invited my parents to graduation, she made me feel bad for switching majors and not graduating within 4 years (I graduated in 5). Whenever I confronted her about how she treated me, she said it was for my own good because she "cared". I recently moved with my husband to another state and before moving I just let everything out when I was visiting her. I stopped calling her since I've moved. It's been about 2 weeks. I felt bad and called to see how she's doing, but she won't answer my calls or return them. I feel at peace not to hear all the negativity, honestly. Should I just move on or try to make amends?
Did mom pay for any part of your education, did you ever live at home as a student, did she do anything to support your current life, or did you leave home immediately after high school and do everything on your own such that you are now struggling under insurmountable loan debt?
I'm trying to figure out whether you are an ungrateful child, whether your mom put so much of her life into you that her own social life suffered, or whether your mom is completely anti-social and you truly succeeded in spite of a childhood of abuse.
The op stated "I've been verbally and physically abused by her throughout my childhood up until now. "
Her mother is still actively abusing emotionally so yes I'd say op needs to stay away.
It's rare that someone raised in a verbally and physically abusive home is not verbally and physically abusive in adult live.
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