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Now see, I’m a white guy, but my girlfriend who I’ve been dating almost 2 months now, is Cuban. She’s pretty, fun, awesome, all of that. My older sister’s cool with her and has no problem hanging out with us. My parents on the other hand, won’t come out and say it, but they don’t like her, to be honest, they’re just not very “ tolerant” if you get what I’m saying. I connected the dots because this is the first time they’ve acted like this around a girlfriend of mine, the ones in the past have all been white and no issues cake of it, now all of a sudden they’re giving cold shoulders. Like it is so uncomfortable when I’m around my parents and my girlfriend is with me. They won’t engage in conversation with her or anything. It’ll go something like this
“What’s going on at school?”
“Not much, but y’know, ( insert girlfriend’s name here) made the cheerleading team”
“Oh that’s nice”
And that’s it, a long pause and then they change topics
I’ve told her that I will talk to them but she always says “ no, please don’t, I don’t want to cause any fights. It’s fine.” I’ve even told her like, “ hey we don’t have to be around them” and she reassures me she’s fine and just sits there and takes it with a smile on her face, but I know it gets to her and I’m worried I’ll lose her soon.
I mean, on one hand, I hate that they’re so dismissive of such a nice girl who did nothing to deserve this treatment, but on the other hand, I have no idea what would happen if I told my parents to basically “ shape up”
My parents were like this, absolutely rude. I ditched the parents. But my parents have been like that since I can remember, so I really wasn't surprised. It was the last straw.
Relationship is over, but so glad not to worry about parents BS in my relationships. As a parent, I'll step in if I know for a fact they guy is a POS. Otherwise, I support them.
I just don’t know what bigger implications ditching my parents do to speak, would have
Since you are living at home, it doesn't sound like an option. And really it should be a last-resort option.
You don't need to tell them to shape up. You aren't in a position to give them orders. What a therapist would tell you is that you need to have a conversation with your parents in which you arent accusatory, but you explain that you like this girl, and you love them, but can tell they are being quiet around her which seems like disapproval to you.
ASK them if that is the case, and see what they say. Ideally you would tell them that you are dating this girl, not trying to marry her, and you would love it if they could be supportive and at least friendly. If not, let them know that you won't be bringing her around the house but that you still will be dating.
Parents still have not figured out that this kind of behavior only drives teen couples together LOL.
I would ask why they don't like her and LISTEN to the answer. You may be surprised and it has nothing to do with her ethnicity, or her skin color. If it is because she is Cuban, that's your parent's problem, not yours. I would want to know if there is a real reason. Parents are sometimes smarter than you think they are. Other times not so much.
Talk to them. Without sounding antagonistic, say "It feels like you have a problem with GF, and I'm curious to know what your thoughts are." You may find is something other than what you suspect. Then tell them what it is that you like about her and say "I hope you'll give her a chance and get to know her like I have."
I know she doesn't want you to talk to them, but don't let your girlfriend dictate your relationship with your parents. To be completely honest ... you're still in high school, right? It's highly likely that down the road, she won't still be in your life, but they will. Nurture your relationship with them.
The campus is close to my hometown so going home is pretty frequent
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