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The reason I tell them these things is because they asked in the past , and it was just easier for me to tell them right away than for me to sound oblivious and get pushed more and more by them and yes in hindsight it was a mistake to tell them all of that and trust them to handle it. We’ve always had that kind of relationship where they knew everything that was going on with me.
I don’t even like try and tear her down, it’ll just be something( usually on Sunday, which is when they like to call) about “ no haven’t seen Dana today, she’s doing her homework” and they already know how I operate, get my work done before that.
I just hoped they’d quit badgering me about doing my work first. I’ve told them both about the times where I’ve stayed in to do a bio report or something while she wants me to take her to the beach. See if I were them, I would’ve backed off and also not tried to vilify the girlfriend.
Do I wish I could change her work ethic( school work ethic more specifically)? Sure, but it’s not really her cup of tea and their her grades, not mine. I know they worry that when I tell them I “ helped her” that what they hear it as is “ I did it for her”. I try my best to to just help even if she’d love for me to sit there and do it for her.
I think it’s nice that she’s more fun oriented and doesn’t want to be tied down by book reports and weekly chapter summaries, I wish I could be like that and put the stuff on the back burner, can’t though.
OP, I had a gf in HS who wasn't a good student. My parents didn't approve of her, because they were afraid she'd be a bad influence on me, which is ridiculous. I don't know why parents think this way, but some do. Aren't you glad you cleared up the issue, though?
Because in certain cases it's true. I've seen a good amount of people transform in high school from being studious to just not caring because of the people they hang out with.
OP, it sounds like you just started college. Things change once you are in college. It’s no longer expected that your parents are going to be introduced to every person you date, particularly when you’ve only been dating them a month or two. If you are not living at home, they want to see YOU, not you and your girlfriend, until the relationship is serious. This might be the underlying issue. I’m also guessing they don’t really care if your girlfriend made the cheerleading team, because they are interested in hearing what is up with you, not someone else.
I was so proper and well-mannered when I was in my twenties, that I thought that every woman friend had to be taken home, to meet my parents. And that I also had to meet their parents. Eventually, I learned my lesson the hard way, after I found that my mother had been secretly confronting these women or sometimes, their parents and trying to sabotage my relationships and drive them away.
A couple of women friends just disappeared, after they heard the lies my mother told them. But finally, one stood up to her and told her that she was a liar and then told me what had happened. I really can't understand how someone as nice as I was, could have come from that family or how the two narcissists who were my parents, could have tolerated each other.
The reason I tell them these things is because they asked in the past , and it was just easier for me to tell them right away than for me to sound oblivious and get pushed more and more by them and yes in hindsight it was a mistake to tell them all of that and trust them to handle it. We’ve always had that kind of relationship where they knew everything that was going on with me.
I don’t even like try and tear her down, it’ll just be something( usually on Sunday, which is when they like to call) about “ no haven’t seen Dana today, she’s doing her homework” and they already know how I operate, get my work done before that.
I just hoped they’d quit badgering me about doing my work first. I’ve told them both about the times where I’ve stayed in to do a bio report or something while she wants me to take her to the beach. See if I were them, I would’ve backed off and also not tried to vilify the girlfriend.
Do I wish I could change her work ethic( school work ethic more specifically)? Sure, but it’s not really her cup of tea and their her grades, not mine. I know they worry that when I tell them I “ helped her” that what they hear it as is “ I did it for her”. I try my best to to just help even if she’d love for me to sit there and do it for her.
They are wealthy, or rather, we as a family are wealthy, I don’t like to talk much about it because I want to avoid getting stereotyped out of the gate as the “ lazy rich kid type”. Her family on the other hand is doing fine, but I guess in my parents minds, not well enough, which has never been an issue for me because I like her for her and her family has been nothing but nice to me do money or whatever is irrelevant to me.
WRONG. your parents never said they don't like her because her family isn't as wealthy as yours. stop making stuff up. grow up.
Your parents don't HAVE to care about your flavor of the month girlfriend.
How is she "Cuban"? It's an ethnicity. Everybody has one.
I'm Greek. Nobody cares.
How would they even KNOW?
There's more to this story.
And BTW, as a parent of a boy, I couldn't care less if some girl "made cheerleading". They're asking YOU about YOUR SCHOOL and don't appreciate you trying to shove her down their throats WHILE you REFUSE to even discuss what THEY care about. YOUR SCHOOL (that they're probably paying for)
I DID care, however, when one of them spent all her time being a PITA and whining when he for example, had a work event in the evening and she didn't think he should GO because she didn't get off work until 11PM.
Or another one...after he'd spent 2 hours preparing dinner she couldn't even be bothered doing the dishes.
Or another one...who chose to bring in TWO LARGE DOGS (one for her and her sister's) when the sister couldn't take care of hers, and HE WORKED AT HOME so became responsible...then the one dog chewed up all the antique trim in the rented house. Not to mention the girl didn't even take care of their medical needs so one of them got severe fleas and a skin bacteria which cost a TON Of money to remedy. AND had to have monthly pest control even in the yard. Out of HIS (actually my) money.
Then there was the time one was getting a tattoo and asked him to go. Then she had no money to pay so he got stuck for the $350.00
Or another......or another....etc etc.
Don't even get me started about "girlfriends".
Last edited by runswithscissors; 01-30-2018 at 07:25 AM..
I went ahead and spoke to both of them last night about her. It all boiled down to them feeling as though she was, as they put it, “ lazy” which I think is just a pretty big misrepresentation of character. They’re used to seeing me date girls who were serious students( I consider myself a serious student, that’s just how I was raised, very much a “ work now, play later” mindset) and put homework and tests over everything and with Dana, she wants to have fun now and while the work get done, it takes a backseat to doing “ fun things”, with the work being done last minute and that makes them uncomfortable and fear that I’ll pick up that attitude.
I’ve dropped little things to her like, “ hey, if you do that paper tonight, you won’t have it hanging over your head later” and her response will just be “ oh it’ll be fine, it’ll be easy, just chill” . It concludes with her doing the assignment on the day it’s due and turning in rushed work. Sometimes I’ll help her sometimes I’m not able to. I choose to not give her a “ you could’ve done so much better than this” speech because I don’t want to start a thing. I’ve accepted that that’s how she is.
OK just saw this.
Stop telling your parents stuff and they won't give you a reality check; you can learn for yourself.
PROTIP: Party girls aren't marriage material, anyway.
They are wealthy, or rather, we as a family are wealthy, I don’t like to talk much about it because I want to avoid getting stereotyped out of the gate as the “ lazy rich kid type”. Her family on the other hand is doing fine, but I guess in my parents minds, not well enough, which has never been an issue for me because I like her for her and her family has been nothing but nice to me do money or whatever is irrelevant to me.
So they aren't wealthy on their own? Huh?? I know their wealth is irrelevant, but I only bring this up because you seem to be the one with an issue about status. You said you don't like to talk about it much, but you, yourself, are the one who initially brought it up. And who is stereotyping you as the "lazy rich kid type??" I certainly wasn't thinking that. On the other hand, you seem to be the one labeling your girlfriend as lazy. She's getting an education. The end result is what matters. MANY kids "play" their way through college, but they graduate. I procrastinated in college. My brother had MUCH fun throughout college, but he's now a mechanical engineer. You're putting too much emphasis on this. She's your girlfriend of two months. I think you should chill a bit. You are telling your parents WAY TOO MUCH information. Good lawd. I would be infuriated if I was your girlfriend and found out you were telling ALL.MY.BUSINESS. You started out describing her as such a sweet, nice girl that you need to protect. Now you're blasting her. I'm confused. And as another poster mentioned....
Quote:
WRONG. your parents never said they don't like her because her family isn't as wealthy as yours. stop making stuff up. grow up.
Your parents don't HAVE to care about your flavor of the month girlfriend.
OP, it occurred to me you are attracted to this girl for the very reason your parents fear her. I think some part of you desires to lighten up and not take things so seriously. If I am right, you need to acknowledge this desire and figure out what you can do to lighten up, have fun, without adopting her lack of drive and planning. I cannot begin to tell you the money (and heartache) people go through just to instill motivation to get things done. You have that discipline and my concern is you are looking to shed it or part of it (and not be aware).
Please explore this aspect and figure out ahead of time where to draw the line. You say the relationship won't change your seriousness about school. I hope that's correct, but set up very specific boundaries for yourself and your schoolwork. Share those boundaries with the GF and there will be less conflict down the road (I suspect this will be your #1 "issue)."
Your parents aren't in this process unless your work starts slipping, then they will be all over you. I agree, stop sharing so much with the parents. When you do find someone, your SO will insist or that will be the reason for a breakup.
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