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I went ahead and spoke to both of them last night about her. It all boiled down to them feeling as though she was, as they put it, “ lazy” which I think is just a pretty big misrepresentation of character. They’re used to seeing me date girls who were serious students( I consider myself a serious student, that’s just how I was raised, very much a “ work now, play later” mindset) and put homework and tests over everything and with Dana, she wants to have fun now and while the work get done, it takes a backseat to doing “ fun things”, with the work being done last minute and that makes them uncomfortable and fear that I’ll pick up that attitude.
I’ve dropped little things to her like, “ hey, if you do that paper tonight, you won’t have it hanging over your head later” and her response will just be “ oh it’ll be fine, it’ll be easy, just chill” . It concludes with her doing the assignment on the day it’s due and turning in rushed work. Sometimes I’ll help her sometimes I’m not able to. I choose to not give her a “ you could’ve done so much better than this” speech because I don’t want to start a thing. I’ve accepted that that’s how she is.
She may not be lazy, but she is a procrastinator. She might change, when she realizes it's to her benefit not to leave things until the last minute, and then again, she may not. It's also possible that she's just enjoying, as a freshman in college, her first taste of real freedom, and will buckle down when the novelty wears off. Encouraging her is fine, just don't start nagging - it won't do any good. Also, it's not your responsibility to "help" her when she does this. (I hope she does not pressure you to do so - that would concern me.) Do your own work, let her do hers. If you have any classes in common you can study together if she is willing. I have a strong tendency to procrastinate, myself, and I hope for Dana's sake that she realizes sometimes putting a job off creates more work in the end. On the other hand, as long as she does eventually do it, and she's making decent grades, there are worse character flaws she could have.
As for your parents, the only thing that is going to improve the situation is for you to prove, by your continued hard work, that her happy-to-lucky attitude is not going to affect your own performance. Their job, on the other hand, is to accept that at 19, you are going to be meeting, and possibly dating, a lot of people who are different from those you hung out with in high school.
I'm glad you talked to them. It sounds like their reasons for concern were not as horrible as you were assuming.
Very glad it wasn’t something as horrible as I assumed. No, I don’t feel pressured by her to do the assignment for her or anything, she’ll just text me that she’s having trouble with a paper or something and I’ll go over and try to explain it again to her the best that I can.
I went ahead and spoke to both of them last night about her. It all boiled down to them feeling as though she was, as they put it, “ lazy” which I think is just a pretty big misrepresentation of character. They’re used to seeing me date girls who were serious students( I consider myself a serious student, that’s just how I was raised, very much a “ work now, play later” mindset) and put homework and tests over everything and with Dana, she wants to have fun now and while the work get done, it takes a backseat to doing “ fun things”, with the work being done last minute and that makes them uncomfortable and fear that I’ll pick up that attitude.
I’ve dropped little things to her like, “ hey, if you do that paper tonight, you won’t have it hanging over your head later” and her response will just be “ oh it’ll be fine, it’ll be easy, just chill” . It concludes with her doing the assignment on the day it’s due and turning in rushed work. Sometimes I’ll help her sometimes I’m not able to. I choose to not give her a “ you could’ve done so much better than this” speech because I don’t want to start a thing. I’ve accepted that that’s how she is.
OP, I had a gf in HS who wasn't a good student. My parents didn't approve of her, because they were afraid she'd be a bad influence on me, which is ridiculous. I don't know why parents think this way, but some do. Aren't you glad you cleared up the issue, though?
One thing I can say for sure is every guy who I brought home whom my parent's disapproved of, turned out to be POS in the end.
Find out from the P's what exactly is on their mind. As we get older our bull$&+/ meter gets really honed-in: maybe they're Spidey-sense is telling them something.
I guess I can see their side but, I feel like I’ve proven that her way of doing things will not affect my way and it really shouldn’t matter to them what type of student she is
We had an issue with our sons girlfriend and we couldn't tell if it was cultural differences or personality but we took the risk to talk to our son. We said we are having problems and asked if he was really serious about her and he said yes,so we decided it was our problem and we'll have to work on it. I asked my son not to hurt his girlfriends feelings by sharing our concerns or ruin our chances for a future relationship. I am so glad he listened with kindness and we were able to ask his help because she is the best wife for my son , mother of our grandchild and dil I could ever have hoped for. I love her like a daughter.
I guess what I am saying is don't force it, spare your girlfriend the umbrage and anger. Talk to them, but not accusatory and listen to their concerns. Try to keep away from being defensive .
Ahah I see you've talked to them and cleared the issue up.
I guess I can see their side but, I feel like I’ve proven that her way of doing things will not affect my way and it really shouldn’t matter to them what type of student she is
You've only been dating her two months. That's not long enough to prove that.
You've only been dating her two months. That's not long enough to prove that.
exactly.
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