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OP, it sounds like you just started college. Things change once you are in college. It’s no longer expected that your parents are going to be introduced to every person you date, particularly when you’ve only been dating them a month or two. If you are not living at home, they want to see YOU, not you and your girlfriend, until the relationship is serious. This might be the underlying issue. I’m also guessing they don’t really care if your girlfriend made the cheerleading team, because they are interested in hearing what is up with you, not someone else.
OP, I was married to someone with a low tolerance for recent descendents of other nationalities, yet he celebrated his Hungarian heritage that is only two generations ahead of those he is berating. And now, he is well on his way to losing both of his sons and their SOs, and his grandchildren.
You may never know what is driving your parents reaction - it could be they don't want you in a serious relationship while you are in school. Quietly and firmly insist your GF's place in your life and give them space to deal with it. Your relationship with the GF may last, or it may not. It's not the time for the grand confrontation, your GF is right. No big scenes (yet).
(The time for the scene is when you and your GF both agree your relationship will be in place after college and for many years to come. I know if I was helping put a child thru college, ANY distracting relationship would cause some consternation)..
I can’t even think what else the issue could be other than ethnicity unless it’s like a “ She doesn’t come from on a lot of money” type thing
Do they judge other people for not coming "from a lot money?" Are they, themselves, wealthy? If they are wealthy and judge others for not having wealth, then, yes, it might be a case of snobbery.
Otherwise, I think you should delicately approach them to find out the reason for their behavior. If they mistreat her because she is Cuban, then I'd visit them only on an "as needed" basis.
Good luck to you. If your girlfriend is a nice girl and you really like her, she shouldn't be subjected to your parents' unacceptable behavior.
I can’t even think what else the issue could be other than ethnicity unless it’s like a “ She doesn’t come from on a lot of money” type thing
It could be that they feel like your relationship is distracting you from your schoolwork. If they're religious, they could be concerned about your sexual activity. Maybe they think she's wrong for you, without it having anything to do with ethnicity. Why don't you ask them? If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one.
Op,stand your ground, even if it's a bedroom in the parents home. Parents job is over once you become an adult. They need to respect your decision, if they claim to respect you.
Parents do things to pull a guilt trip on their kids, only to ruin their own relationship. Not smart. Parents need to let the birdies fly away and experience life.
She looks white( just to clarify) speaks Spanish, speaks with an accent, not heavy, but noticeable
OK, so what's the problem? She's white. It sounds like you need to ask your parents why they don't like her. Because it's not because of ethnicity. She's a descendant of Europeans, just like your parents.
Now see, I’m a white guy, but my girlfriend who I’ve been dating almost 2 months now, is Cuban. She’s pretty, fun, awesome, all of that. My older sister’s cool with her and has no problem hanging out with us. My parents on the other hand, won’t come out and say it, but they don’t like her, to be honest, they’re just not very “ tolerant” if you get what I’m saying. I connected the dots because this is the first time they’ve acted like this around a girlfriend of mine, the ones in the past have all been white and no issues cake of it, now all of a sudden they’re giving cold shoulders. Like it is so uncomfortable when I’m around my parents and my girlfriend is with me. They won’t engage in conversation with her or anything. It’ll go something like this
“What’s going on at school?”
“Not much, but y’know, ( insert girlfriend’s name here) made the cheerleading team”
“Oh that’s nice”
And that’s it, a long pause and then they change topics
I’ve told her that I will talk to them but she always says “ no, please don’t, I don’t want to cause any fights. It’s fine.” I’ve even told her like, “ hey we don’t have to be around them” and she reassures me she’s fine and just sits there and takes it with a smile on her face, but I know it gets to her and I’m worried I’ll lose her soon.
I mean, on one hand, I hate that they’re so dismissive of such a nice girl who did nothing to deserve this treatment, but on the other hand, I have no idea what would happen if I told my parents to basically “ shape up”
^^the bold. You have a snowflake definition of hate.
I have a good friend, she's malada (sp) and married a WHITE boy and his parents especially mother would not accept cindy. She's a great great gal and the couple have two beautiful smart adult children and a marriage of over 30 yrs.
Close minded non accepting people don't have too much of a place in my life. You'll know what to do.
Do they judge other people for not coming "from a lot money?" Are they, themselves, wealthy? If they are wealthy and judge others for not having wealth, then, yes, it might be a case of snobbery.
Otherwise, I think you should delicately approach them to find out the reason for their behavior. If they mistreat her because she is Cuban, then I'd visit them only on an "as needed" basis.
Good luck to you. If your girlfriend is a nice girl and you really like her, she shouldn't be subjected to your parents' unacceptable behavior.
They are wealthy, or rather, we as a family are wealthy, I don’t like to talk much about it because I want to avoid getting stereotyped out of the gate as the “ lazy rich kid type”. Her family on the other hand is doing fine, but I guess in my parents minds, not well enough, which has never been an issue for me because I like her for her and her family has been nothing but nice to me do money or whatever is irrelevant to me.
Last edited by TeenSpirit; 01-28-2018 at 12:03 AM..
I went ahead and spoke to both of them last night about her. It all boiled down to them feeling as though she was, as they put it, “ lazy” which I think is just a pretty big misrepresentation of character. They’re used to seeing me date girls who were serious students( I consider myself a serious student, that’s just how I was raised, very much a “ work now, play later” mindset) and put homework and tests over everything and with Dana, she wants to have fun now and while the work get done, it takes a backseat to doing “ fun things”, with the work being done last minute and that makes them uncomfortable and fear that I’ll pick up that attitude.
I’ve dropped little things to her like, “ hey, if you do that paper tonight, you won’t have it hanging over your head later” and her response will just be “ oh it’ll be fine, it’ll be easy, just chill” . It concludes with her doing the assignment on the day it’s due and turning in rushed work. Sometimes I’ll help her sometimes I’m not able to. I choose to not give her a “ you could’ve done so much better than this” speech because I don’t want to start a thing. I’ve accepted that that’s how she is.
Last edited by TeenSpirit; 01-28-2018 at 12:18 AM..
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