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This is going to sound like a juvenile story, but I am currently part of an all-male friend group from high school that I hang out with pretty regularly. There are currently 7 of us in the group, and we go out to eat, go bowling, etc. We joke about each other all the time in a non-harmful way, but one of the more uncomfortable jokes going around right now is that one of the members of the group, Jake, and I, are a couple and in love. Neither of the two of us are gay, and the group obviously knows that also, but we live closer together than the rest of the group, so we often hang out outside of the group also, which is where this joke came from. With it being Valentine's Day, this joke is especially rampant right now. We both got a bunch of texts today saying, "Happy Valentine's Day to you two lovebirds!" And, "So where are you guys going for your date tonight?" I like to think I have a pretty thick skin, but this joke is one that I do not appreciate, and while I am not homophobic or anything, I don't like people saying that the 2 of us are a couple, because we are not. I wouldn't want any girls to take that the wrong way either if they heard it. I asked them to stop the joke earlier today, and they said, "Nope. It's Valentine's Day and it's the 21st century. Times have changed. No need to hide your love." At which point I just shut my phone off and took a breather. Not only does this friend group joke about it, but my cousins often do also. We don't even hang out that much outside the group, but being that we live in the same town, we do hang out by ourselves sometimes, usually spontaneously, like coffee or something. Now, am I wrong to be upset by this joke? Should I let loose a little bit and just play along, or would you be upset about a joke like this also? It is clearly harmless, and they understand that we are indeed not a couple, but I do not understand what warranted the joke. And I don't even like people saying that I am in love with another guy.
First of all, DON'T play along if you DO mind. Period.
Also, how is Jake taking this?
You CAN tell them to grow the F up and don't take it that just because you're friends means can joke anything about you, or with you. Tell them it'll be the last of your friendship if they ever joke about it again. Be assertive with your boundaries.
Are you sure Jake's not gay? There was a similar joke about 2 friends when I was younger, and one of them did turn out to be gay. The other is married with kids and not gay. They are still best friends, though.
I don't think you're wrong to be upset about it, especially if you aren't gay. Nobody likes to be told (jokingly or not) something that they aren't.
However, in my experience (as a gay guy in his 20's, so dealing with juvenile people isn't too far in my past), these jokes are made because straight guys think there's something emasculating about being gay and they want to get a rise out of you.
I think the best way to react is just to shrug and say, "you're right, it is the 21st century and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay."
To me, it sounds like your "friends" have some insecurities of their own.
Are you sure Jake's not gay? There was a similar joke about 2 friends when I was younger, and one of them did turn out to be gay. The other is married with kids and not gay. They are still best friends, though.
Oh, I’m sure. He’s never had a girlfriend but has expressed interest in a large number of girls and is very religious as well, so I don’t even think he’d like the idea.
First of all, DON'T play along if you DO mind. Period.
Also, how is Jake taking this?
You CAN tell them to grow the F up and don't take it that just because you're friends means can joke anything about you, or with you. Tell them it'll be the last of your friendship if they ever joke about it again. Be assertive with your boundaries.
Jake really doesn’t mind the jokes, but he’s one of those people who is bothered by nothing.
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