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She's a victim of domestic abuse? It would be interesting to get the other side of this story.
Well unfortunately you won't get her side of the story but here's what she told me about her past and present:
Her ex husband used to beat her, once smashed her head into a thin glass door that then shattered, bloodying up her face
He would beat her and yell at her
She got some kind of illness (woman's disease as she put it) whereby she refused her husband's advances (I read her journal that she left lying out on the kitchen table one day - bad I know)
She had a child she didn't acknowledge existed until several months of me living there, and later told me how her ex husband ran away with another woman, she met his physical needs between the sheets, and the new couple kept the child from my roommate
There was a bitter custody battle that she lost and is still bitter about, even though it was 10+ years ago and the child is now an adult
Her ex husband and his new wife called the cops a few times on her
She was in a physical altercation, thrown to the ground while trying to restrain the new wife after she apparently went to pick up the son from school without my roommate's consent
When telling me about her past, my roommate announced that she hated her ex and the step mom, that they ruined her relationship with her son as he doesn't even want to come for sleepovers
Well unfortunately you won't get her side of the story but here's what she told me about her past and present:
Her ex husband used to beat her, once smashed her head into a thin glass door that then shattered, bloodying up her face
He would beat her and yell at her
She got some kind of illness (woman's disease as she put it) whereby she refused her husband's advances (I read her journal that she left lying out on the kitchen table one day - bad I know)
She had a child she didn't acknowledge existed until several months of me living there, and later told me how her ex husband ran away with another woman, she met his physical needs between the sheets, and the new couple kept the child from my roommate
There was a bitter custody battle that she lost and is still bitter about, even though it was 10+ years ago and the child is now an adult
Her ex husband and his new wife called the cops a few times on her
She was in a physical altercation, thrown to the ground while trying to restrain the new wife after she apparently went to pick up the son from school without my roommate's consent
When telling me about her past, my roommate announced that she hated her ex and the step mom, that they ruined her relationship with her son as he doesn't even want to come for sleepovers
She wishes her ex and his new wife were dead.
None of this has anything to do with YOU and your ability to find somewhere else to live.
Courts are heavily in favor of giving custody to mothers. If the police were called to any of these violent attacks, it's hard to imagine custody would have gone to the father unless your roommate was the one committing the violence. She might also be making all of this up (including the diary entry she left for you to find) and lost custody because of mental health issues.
OP, your roommate is probably mental, probably violent, and you really need to get out of there.
Although this might seem off topic, it's not. Is your work contract being renewed or extended? This will help you to make a decision where to live next. If you know you still have a job for a year or more, just get a normal lease, and get out of this Airbnb situation with this frenemy.
I've shared a house with my landlord since last year. She says we're roommates and friends.
The beginning was Ok. But soon after the honeymoon phase ended, the problems started.
Examples:
I used to work a 8am-4pm shift. She used to shower until 2am with her bathroom and bedroom doors open, bang around slamming doors giving me no more than 5 hours of sleep. I was tired and started coming late to work. It was a struggle to perform well. I asked her to change her shower routine. She did a bit but it remained late.
She would talk on the phone late, sometimes until 12:30am , again while knowing full well I had a busy full time job I need to be rested for. Her house her rules
When I was preparing dinner in the kitchen, the only time we'd typically run into each other on my work days, she'd make comments about what I was preparing, supervise my cooking by hovering over my shoulder, just being a pain. She said stuff like when I eat late, just like her mom does, I'll gain weight. She encouraged me to go to the gym and pull my shirt out to cover up my belly instead of highlight it
She asked me for all kinds of favors including mowing her lawn, redoing her garden, carrying heavy stuff to and from her car, moving furniture, redecorating her house, hanging up fixtures, cleaning common areas and my bathroom (she's an airbnb host and supposed to do the cleaning, after all she charges me a cleaning fee each time I book a room).., etc. She never paid me for my time and didn't discount my rent. She claimed we're friends and friends help each other, right?
I would foolishly share details about work and each time she'd disagree and tell me I'd think too much, I can never make decisions, then point to past issues where I rented cars for months when I wasn't sure what I was going to buy or lease, she would basically put me down at each opportunity.
As a result of the complaints, nagging , hovering, tracking my whereabouts - I started staying at work later and later, much to the chagrin of my boss who told me to stick to the schedule, and focus on leaving on time, even when I did unpaid overtime and was OK with that arrangement.
I started staying away for 11-12 hours a day to avoid my roommate but she still found a way to make my life miserable with her noise, insults and petty behavior.
To top it off, she's a messy person who leaves food scraps in the sink and on counters and the table for days, used paper towel, you name it. Plus clears her throat and spits her loogee in the sink. So gross.
I must have low confidence to put up with all this and continue to overpay. I tried to leave recently for a couple of nights but came back. I told her I wanted to try 1 week but she refused to accept a 1 week booking and since my stuff was still in her place and I didn't have time to move out with work being busy, she told me I had to extend it by 3 weeks.
And yet here I am. I'm still here and I don't know why. Did the victim of abuse become the abuser and have I become the victim? Help me understand why I put up with this substandard treatment.
I know I need to move but I also need to learn how to deal with conflict before running away. And I feel like I need some encouragement or tips on how to stand up for myself to bullies.
No, you need to get out of an unhealthy situation. Staying there isn’t going to better you in some way or help you deal why conflict.
You need to talk to a counselor,find a studio apt you can afford and schedule time off from your job so you can move into that studio apt.That person has issues and it's become your issue...which you don't have to put up with BUT you are.GET OUT.
Learn to deal with conflict does NOT mean keeping yourself in a negative situation. The BEST way to deal with conflict is to remove yourself from the source!
Whatever happened in her life past or present has nothing to do with you. You are not her best friend. She is not letting you stay there out of the goodness of her heart.
You are a tenant (airBNB guest) that is paying her for a reasonable place to live. She, the landlord/host, is not providing that.
Move. Moving is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself here.
From what the OP has told us, I don't see any bullying. The roommate may be annoying but the OP seems to be overly sensitive.
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