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Your father isn't much of one to you. That is his loss. Build good friendships. Friends can be family.
Accept any cousin invites that appeal to you --regardless of your father.
Either get a part-time job or a new hobby to help fill your non-working hours. & get plenty of exercise. See about going to a few counseling sessions to give you a chance to work through things.
My parents separated five years ago and a few years back everything was finalized. Dad is happily remarried. He has stepchildren that he treats like his own. For example my siblings and I have never seen his new house while his stepchildren have rooms in the house (I don't think they actually live there though). My brother has kept it civil while my sister has been pretty upset with him. I feel like I'm in the middle and I just don't talk to him because I feel like there is nothing to say.
Now that they are divorced everything has changed. The only time I have heard from my dad's side of the family was when my cousins were getting married. All those I had to pass on because my dad was going to be there with his new wife and my sister and I still haven't met her. I think my brother met his new wife a couple times. My cousin ended up marrying my brother's ex-girlfriend so this kind of strained the relationship with those relatives. Apparently they are in the process of getting a divorce though. A different cousin was going to get married but unfortunately he had a relapse and the wedding was cancelled.
All the cousins lived far from each other growing up but we had fun getting together every summer for vacation. I personally wish we were still close to my dad's side but when he left my mom he made it apparent he didn't want us around anymore. So this leaves my mom's side of the family. My sister married her husband shortly before my mom and dad got divorced. This was the last time I saw all my cousins. My mom has grown really close with my sister. My sister had plans to move down south but stayed up north after my dad and mom split. I have been growing distant from my sister and her husband because we just have different values. My mom's side seems to really be interested in my sister's life. My mom's brother has two daughters. However, my mom's sisters both never had children and all of a sudden they have been showing interest in my sister. Family vacations have turned into it being based around my sister's family.
TL;DR My dad left my mom for another women. Mom's side has developed a clique with my sister's family and I'm being alienated. I no longer have a strong family unit I can count on.
Completely normal. Divorce is destructive and sucks for all involved.
I really am sorry. Parents become selfish and neglect their kids. I was temporarily one of the a**holes too. For a very short time thankfully. I will regret every second of my stupidity. A difficult marriage. Sometimes it's called for but the poor children suffer regardless.
Just try to be kind and loving as best you can. Despite how your parents are/were. Strive to be better.
You’ll find as you get older (and/or stick around C-D long enough!) that there are a LOT of people in this world who have less than stellar relationships with their parents.
My father remarried after my mother passed away to a woman who was very controlling and was not interested in our being in any part of my father’s life. (I was in my 20s). It was very hard to take but I “adopted” myself into a good friend’s family and spent holidays with them. When I got married I did the same with my in-laws.
My husband had a very contentious divorce from his first wife. He had very limited contact with his children the first few years after the divorce because there was always such a horrible scene with his ex-wife.
Thanks for all the replies. It seems like everyone is saying this is a normal situation. I had a discussion with my mom about everything and we just came to the conclusion that I'm going to just live my life and that's really all I can do. It sucks but I think something good can come out of this. I just wanted to chime in again. Thanks again!
Thanks for all the replies. It seems like everyone is saying this is a normal situation. I had a discussion with my mom about everything and we just came to the conclusion that I'm going to just live my life and that's really all I can do. It sucks but I think something good can come out of this. I just wanted to chime in again. Thanks again!
Good for you! And make a vow to yourself that when you have your own children, you’ll be a better parent than he was.
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