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My parents separated five years ago and a few years back everything was finalized. Dad is happily remarried. He has stepchildren that he treats like his own. For example my siblings and I have never seen his new house while his stepchildren have rooms in the house (I don't think they actually live there though). My brother has kept it civil while my sister has been pretty upset with him. I feel like I'm in the middle and I just don't talk to him because I feel like there is nothing to say.
Now that they are divorced everything has changed. The only time I have heard from my dad's side of the family was when my cousins were getting married. All those I had to pass on because my dad was going to be there with his new wife and my sister and I still haven't met her. I think my brother met his new wife a couple times. My cousin ended up marrying my brother's ex-girlfriend so this kind of strained the relationship with those relatives. Apparently they are in the process of getting a divorce though. A different cousin was going to get married but unfortunately he had a relapse and the wedding was cancelled.
All the cousins lived far from each other growing up but we had fun getting together every summer for vacation. I personally wish we were still close to my dad's side but when he left my mom he made it apparent he didn't want us around anymore. So this leaves my mom's side of the family. My sister married her husband shortly before my mom and dad got divorced. This was the last time I saw all my cousins. My mom has grown really close with my sister. My sister had plans to move down south but stayed up north after my dad and mom split. I have been growing distant from my sister and her husband because we just have different values. My mom's side seems to really be interested in my sister's life. My mom's brother has two daughters. However, my mom's sisters both never had children and all of a sudden they have been showing interest in my sister. Family vacations have turned into it being based around my sister's family.
TL;DR My dad left my mom for another women. Mom's side has developed a clique with my sister's family and I'm being alienated. I no longer have a strong family unit I can count on.
Last edited by aringoffire5; 10-10-2019 at 04:11 AM..
I no longer have a strong family unit I can count on.
Be your own best friend.
If you haven't done so already, learn marketable skills. If you have, hone them, learn a few more. Either way, gainfully employ them in a business or professional career and always seek to improve yourself professionally, intellectually, culturally, spiritually.
You already seem to have writing skills, that's a good start. You probably have several others.
I always felt the children suffer the most in a divorce.
How old are you?
Your Dad should have never left you. It was your mother he divorced.
Best thing to do is have a heart to heart with him. Invite him out to breakfast one weekend and share your feelings with him. Let him know how you feel and what you want.
Stay in contact with the family members who are most open to it. Work at keeping contact.
How you live your life is up to you. You can see your glass of life as half empty or half full. You can nurture your feelings of loss or you can nurture new experiences and friendships. You cannot control family member, but you do have control over your attitude. If you are depressed, I recommend seeing a professional with whom you can talk freely.
I do not think there is an easy answer for you. You will have to find your way. But how you think about things is more important to your mental health than what happens to you, at least in everyday life. Involve yourself in life, find friends, work for a cause, develop your skills and your mind. What you do is up to you.
I always felt the children suffer the most in a divorce.
How old are you?
Your Dad should have never left you. It was your mother he divorced.
Best thing to do is have a heart to heart with him. Invite him out to breakfast one weekend and share your feelings with him. Let him know how you feel and what you want.
Great points.
IMHO, if your cousins invited you to their wedding they wanted you to attend. You are an independent adult and can attend social events that you are invited to attend whether or not your dad approves. It doesn't matter that you never met your dad's new wife.
Try to keep up your relationships with your cousins, if that is what you want to do.
As my uncle used to tell his new wife I divorced my wife , not my children . My uncle has since passed and so has the new wife . But they were divorced as well before they passed. Sounds like your dad divorced his kids and his wife . I have no use for people like that and neither should you . Let it go and move on . I find some of the best friends I have family and I got to choose them . I suggest you do the same .
I personally wish we were still close to my dad's side but when he left my mom he made it apparent he didn't want us around anymore.
If that's true, then your father is a worthless piece of equine excrement.
When my father left my mother and remarried -- his third marriage, by the way -- he made it amply clear that the new wife's children were the center of his world. This from an alcoholic who had never had any use for his own two girls.
I get it, now: Men suck up to the women they sleep with. But I didn't get it then. You too will realize in time that his disgusting behavior has nothing to do with you.
Kill fetuses and no fault divorce all in the name of a choice for a so called adult. Can we ever learn to care about the kids more than an adults screwed up choice. It's hard enough being a kid with out this adult drama. Any grownups left ?
Change your expectations and design your own life.
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