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I have had men do this to me when I am with a guy for example my S.O. I get ignored and people talk to the guy I'm with, it's as if I am not there. Only men do it, never women. I am from the US and I am not socially awkward, I have things to say. I am not sure if it is the same thing you are talking about.
That's really annoying. OP, do you speak with a strong accent? Not that that would be a justifiable reason for their behavior (there is no justifiable reason, IMO), but an accent might be causing them to subconsciously categorize you as a non-Native speaker of English, and whatever else they associate with that.
Groups of men sometimes do this to women, too, btw.
Wow lots of good info people. Yes I do have a French accent when I speak but my English is good. It's rare when Americans ask me to repeat something (But it happens sometimes and I totally understand that).
I think it must be the accent that makes them uncomfortable to some extend.
I am going to try to listen more as mentioned here and see what happens.
Clara this is funny we have the exact opposite problem.
Chaofan I have often heard that women in the work place have to work twice as hard as the men to be considered. I also have that problem with one of my managers (Out of 7) at work, as a foreigner he seems to require more from me.
I think next time I am in a group, I am not going to say anything and see if someone addresses me. I usually jump in the conversation.
Thanks for the help
Pat
This is a weird thing about some (maybe many) Americans. Most are not encouraged to learn other languages are not exposed to other cultures (even other Western cultures) in a positive way. Those of us who have studied and become proficient in other languages are actually viewed with suspicion by many of our countrymen and -women.
When the more xenophobic elements hear a foreign accent, regardless of how proficient the speaker's English might be, many will react as though they have been confronted with some level of threat. For most, it just makes them uncomfortable because the other person is "strange" and therefore presumably strange and unpredictable.
This might be the source of the experience you are having with being ignored. These people subconsciously associate "foreign" with "strange" and because of limited exposure to anyone even slightly different from themselves, they don't know how to respond or behave, so they ignore the source. (It really does not occur to them that someone speaking with a foreign accent is probably very much like them and that they should just interact with them as they would with anyone else.)
Someone speaking with a foreign accent is viewed as "other," and many Americans simply don't have the social skills to interact with anyone whose life experience is not exactly like their own. Fortunately, not all Americans are like that. You just need to keep meeting more people until you find the ones who are not afraid of people who didn't grow up within a 10-mile radius of their hometown.
I think you nailed it on the head with your last post. It's probably because most of these guys are never or rarely exposed to other cultures (I am in north Georgia).
I think you nailed it on the head with your last post. It's probably because most of these guys are never or rarely exposed to other cultures (I am in north Georgia).
Thanks so much
Pat
Well, there's your problem.
That explains everything. You actually might have better luck being included and acknowledged if you exaggerated your accent and "otherness." That would make you exotic. Sometimes "exotic" operates like a sort of shiny object to xenophobes.
First of all I am not sure if posting this here is ok. I searched for an other forum more appropriate but couldn't find one. Moderators please move somewhere else if needed and sorry and thanks.
I am a 52 Y.O. male, born in France and have been living in the USA for 26 years. I love it here. I have been happily married to a US citizen for 26 years, have a lovely 26 Y.O. daughter (Who doesn't speak a word of French and I never forced it on her LOL), we own a modest house, have normal cars and 2 great dogs.
I live an American life, I am not the kind of foreigner dressing, eating and living like in my own country. (Ok I still watch a little European soccer here and there and will occasionally cook a French meal.)
All right here is the problem I am faced with basically weekly, at work or at whatever party, meet or whatever I am engaged in.
Let's say I am talking with an American male about whatever, all goes fine we are facing each other and talking, then a 3rd or more Americans join the discussion.
At this point and this happens 90% of the time with males, they start completely ignoring me. I say something and some guy in the group will answer looking at another American in the group.
Or one will ask a question on a subject I know and I will answer him and again he does not acknowledge me.
Then when the group is broken up and I am minding my own business alone, a member of that previous group will come talk to me facing me, looking at me, answering my questions and so on.
On some rare case I have had one person in these groups that on a one on one is a good buddy, will try to make fun at me in front of everybody in the group when he would never try to humiliate this way on a one on one.
We have a Japanese restaurant we like to go with my wife. There is an American waiter that we kind of socialize with. And he does it too sometimes. I ask him a question and he will answer and only look at my wife.
Do I intimidate males here? I am not tall or muscular without being a twig.
I am not a dumb person, that could be the problem but I am not.
90% of males do that and maybe only 25% of females.
We have a few foreigners at work and when I talk with several of them none will do that.
I have politely confronted some individuals on a few occasions on why they did that, and all reply the same thing "I never did that".
I have grown so accustomed to it that now after a little bit of that game I just leave the group.
Thanks for your time
Pat
Is there a reason you keep saying American in this post? That's where you are.mit goes without saying that's what nationality most of the people you will talk to here will be.
You point out accent, having to work harder because you are a foreigner and coworkers have not been exposed to other cultures and Northern Georgia. Sooner or later you will run out of stereotypes. People sense your animosity and talk to those they are comfortable with.
Is there a reason you keep saying American in this post? That's where you are.mit goes without saying that's what nationality most of the people you will talk to here will be.
It sounds like these people are *******s.
Not sure where you are going with this but I will let you go there alone.
You point out accent, having to work harder because you are a foreigner and coworkers have not been exposed to other cultures and Northern Georgia. Sooner or later you will run out of stereotypes. People sense your animosity and talk to those they are comfortable with.
yes: "Northern Georgia" does have a "country" accent.
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