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Sorry this is happening to you, OP. Your "otherness" is a threat to these folks.
The U.S. is so diverse, we even feel it state-to-state. I tried to blend into my ex's Montana redneck culture but was treated like you are experiencing, just being from California.
I wish you were in a big city where your foreign background would be celebrated and invite conversation.
We don't even speak 2 languages, much less 3 or 4, like a lot of the world does. Americans are insular.
But many love a French or British accent!
I so agree with your post. Americans are very insular, particularly the rural & small town types.
First of all I am not sure if posting this here is ok. I searched for an other forum more appropriate but couldn't find one. Moderators please move somewhere else if needed and sorry and thanks.
I am a 52 Y.O. male, born in France and have been living in the USA for 26 years. I love it here. I have been happily married to a US citizen for 26 years, have a lovely 26 Y.O. daughter (Who doesn't speak a word of French and I never forced it on her LOL), we own a modest house, have normal cars and 2 great dogs.
I live an American life, I am not the kind of foreigner dressing, eating and living like in my own country. (Ok I still watch a little European soccer here and there and will occasionally cook a French meal.)
All right here is the problem I am faced with basically weekly, at work or at whatever party, meet or whatever I am engaged in.
Let's say I am talking with an American male about whatever, all goes fine we are facing each other and talking, then a 3rd or more Americans join the discussion.
At this point and this happens 90% of the time with males, they start completely ignoring me. I say something and some guy in the group will answer looking at another American in the group.
Or one will ask a question on a subject I know and I will answer him and again he does not acknowledge me.
Then when the group is broken up and I am minding my own business alone, a member of that previous group will come talk to me facing me, looking at me, answering my questions and so on.
On some rare case I have had one person in these groups that on a one on one is a good buddy, will try to make fun at me in front of everybody in the group when he would never try to humiliate this way on a one on one.
We have a Japanese restaurant we like to go with my wife. There is an American waiter that we kind of socialize with. And he does it too sometimes. I ask him a question and he will answer and only look at my wife.
Do I intimidate males here? I am not tall or muscular without being a twig.
I am not a dumb person, that could be the problem but I am not.
90% of males do that and maybe only 25% of females.
We have a few foreigners at work and when I talk with several of them none will do that.
I have politely confronted some individuals on a few occasions on why they did that, and all reply the same thing "I never did that".
I have grown so accustomed to it that now after a little bit of that game I just leave the group.
Thanks for your time
Pat
That's bizarre.
First, you didn't say where you live. That makes a huge difference, whether you are in New York vs. Alabama.
Second, being from France is not looked down on in the U.S., that I've ever experienced. It's not like being from the Middle East, where some people WOULD have a problem with you. Being from France would be in most places viewed as being desirable, possibly envied.
It's possible you are just awkward in a social setting with other males. Some people are like that.
My guess is that your accent is charming, and you may be viewed as kinda sexy. Americans are charmed by the French and by French accents.
It also may be the case that, being foreign, your sense of humor is somewhat "off" for this country. Just like if an American moves to France. Even after many years, that person speaks the language and becomes French to the extent possible, but will retain his original American roots for more intricate things, like jokes, timing, cadence in speaking.
Another thought is...what do your eyes look like? Sometimes people will avoid looking straight at someone when speaking, if the other person's eyes are unusually beautiful, or unusually odd in some way. OR if they react to what I'm saying in an unusual way...like the other person looks away while I'm speaking, or opens his eyes wide & stares at me w/o blinking while I'm speaking, etc.
What does your wife have to say about this? She would have more insight.
BTW, it's a shame you didn't speak French to your daughter, so she would have known the language from a young age. My ancestors are from France (all but one in my genealogy are French), moved here in the 1700s. My grandparents spoke French before English. My father speaks both English and French. There it ended. None of my generation were taught French, which is a shame. I feel we lost part of heritage. I took French in school, but it's not the same as learning the language when you're a child, and speaking it often in the home.
Be proud of your French heritage. Everyone should be proud of his heritage, whether German, Dutch, French, Mexican, etc. Being French is considered desirable in America, in my experience.
Without knowing where you live, what kind of men those other men are, I can't say what the issue might be. If you are refined, with a sexy French accent, good hair, attractive, and you are standing in a group of chubby redneck or crude men....yeah, they might feel they don't connect well with you. And you probably don't connect well with them...and that's a good thing.
First, you didn't say where you live. That makes a huge difference, whether you are in New York vs. Alabama.
He did. He lives in "north Georgia," which could be Dalton or it could be Alpharetta, which is considered an exurb of Atlanta, which at one time not too long ago was the country's most popular inmigration destination.
So there's no guarantee that he's not surrounded by transplants from other states. After all, the OP himself found his way there.
Is there a reason you keep saying American in this post? That's where you are.mit goes without saying that's what nationality most of the people you will talk to here will be.
It sounds like these people are *******s.
Yeah, saying it three times in the course of a post where it's a quite useful term (as distinguished from 'foreigner') to employ sure is excessive.
Second, being from France is not looked down on in the U.S., that I've ever experienced. It's not like being from the Middle East, where some people WOULD have a problem with you. Being from France would be in most places viewed as being desirable, possibly envied.
Let us not forget Freedom Fries--although that was in response to a [then-]current event, I've definitely heard negative stereotypes of the French referenced over the course of my life. I'd imagine things would be even worse in 'north Georgia', but perhaps/definitely I myself am relying on stereotypes of my own there.
I am a 52 Y.O. male, born in France and have been living in the USA for 26 years. I love it here. I have been happily married to a US citizen for 26 years, have a lovely 26 Y.O. daughter (Who doesn't speak a word of French and I never forced it on her LOL), we own a modest house, have normal cars and 2 great dogs.
This and OP's posts about the daughter and his relationship with the wife do not match.
You've gotten great (and I feel correct) replies. I have experienced what you have as a woman, men talk to men and disregard women. In your case they talk to the men who sound like them and disregard you in a group.
The "insular" idea is important. I come from a small town where people know each other for generations. I was born there, didn't grow up there but have relatives currently there and ancestors back 350+ years and some people will not talk to me because they don't "know" me. Believe me, those Georgia men will never consider you "one of them" if you live there 50 years, you will always be an outsider. Small towns and small minds can be like that.
My husband was really popular in our small business because he talked to women well and (more important) listened. When I am the customer, for example buying a car, and the salesman talks to my husband but not me I get up and leave.
Many Southerners have a prejudice against foreigners, even when they are white. I grew up in the South, that's just how a lot of people are here. My fiance often makes fun of accents even though his own is a thick, hayseed drawl. I, on the other hand, love French accents!
Many Southerners have a prejudice against foreigners, even when they are white. I grew up in the South, that's just how a lot of people are here. My fiance often makes fun of accents even though his own is a thick, hayseed drawl. I, on the other hand, love French accents!
Never understood the point of making fun of people who speak English with an accent. That means the speaker speaks at least one other language. The people ridiculing them often barely speak their own language intelligibly and would view the prospect of learning another language with horror.
People make fun of accents all over, personally I love accents whether foreign or regional. People makes fun of southern accents saying they sound like hicks and some people make fun of New York accents as well as a jersey accents.
All this to say I love both the cultured British accent and French accents. Op, the problem is theirs and not yours
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