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separate what you cant change and not obsessing over it.....you will be like a dung beetle pushing that ball around.....
does a lion care what a wart hog thinks??? no he doesn't.....
you choose whether to be a wart hog or a lion in life
look thru the windshield of life …..with bright sun...stop looking in the rearview mirror full of clouds......we are strange creatures......we give life to our past ghosts and demons by obsessing over them....let it go
I read somewhere that forgiveness is the ultimate attribute to keep a friendship.
I would also say acceptance/non-judgemental. .
I have a new friend (1 year) and we are very close. Every time I find myself thinking about one of personality traits that bug me-- I think about two good friends that I lost in the last 5 years-- and those losses still hurt.
And so I tell myself, let it go- concentrate on what I like. And there is a lot to like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008
While relationships - family and friends - are the most rewarding they are also the source of greatest pain.
I love my adult kids and their kids, they give me great joy. But they have also given me the deepest pain, the harshest words. But their relationship is very important to my life.
My siblings - they are my history. And it is wonderful when I talk to them, see them, spend time with them. But there also a lot of friction, cruelty, meanness, unforgiving hurt.
Friends - we love them. But they vanish from our lives, lose contact, or turn sour. So hard to deal with it.
When my expectation of others is high, my peace and serenity is low....and when my expectations are low, then my peace and serenity is high so I try to expect nothing of others, accept people exactly as they are, and hope they’ll do the same for me.
Also I would much rather be happy than right.
I would like to think you have some standards that you would regard and Not take kindly too if someone over stepped that healthy boundary?
If they sassed you or in some way created strife as a by product of an incident?
You see I "used" to have that Butterfly view of folks...so long as I didn't expect anything I couldn't be disappointed. Yet to a grand manipulator I am the perfect friend then to have. Push me around....or bold face lie to get me to do their bidding. So pardon if I grew wise and chose to be a self respecting person and have some boundaries that deserve regarded.
I personally don't work "hard" at maintaining relationships...partly because of the easy go attitude. I'm a firm believer in giving folks space.....listening when need be and keeping a pulse on the friendship without constantly volting them with a defibrillator so to speak ( think drama queen antics if you will). Now that I think about it...I pretty much avoid drama....
I tend to attract more... then dismiss . Though sometimes The powers that be decide I need a JOLT of how bitter and down right ugly situations can be.....
I structure my time with people, especially those who cause me pain. When you meet them, start with the greetings, accomplish what you meant to accomplish, and then goodbyes. Sometimes it is the activity that causes conflict, for example, housekeeping, studying, obligations. Those activities get structured as well, with a clear beginning, middle, and end. All other times, is relax and do what pleases oneself.
Relationships are hard because most people are simply crude and self-centered. It is that simple.
If you want a "shot" at a good relationship then you have to see if the other party has kindness and empathy. If not then set your goals low.
The ability to step out of your self and see how others feel is the key. If both people have the desire to put others first then there is potential. That takes desire and maturity.
Too many interactions are one-sided these days. We are a nation of narcissistic singles latching on to shallow interactions.
The good news is this is not mandatory. You have to choose wisely however.
While relationships - family and friends - are the most rewarding they are also the source of greatest pain.
I love my adult kids and their kids, they give me great joy. But they have also given me the deepest pain, the harshest words. But their relationship is very important to my life.
My siblings - they are my history. And it is wonderful when I talk to them, see them, spend time with them. But there also a lot of friction, cruelty, meanness, unforgiving hurt.
Friends - we love them. But they vanish from our lives, lose contact, or turn sour. So hard to deal with it.
What do you do keep relationships fresh and good?
Well, I don't have that. I have the following:
2 Sisters One older, one younger.
1 has three children.
1 has none.
The older one tries to act as an "Oracle" she derides my choices of pretty much anything. I could go on about her flaws for pages. Mine too, but that's not here or there.
Her kids have stopped contacting me for anything. That started when they were about 20 and I helped raise them from infancy till 15-16. I pretty much showed them how to fish, took them to the beach, clothed them (I worked for Nike Apparel) bought the usual gifts.
The younger one was the shining star of the family. Knows 5 languages, trained Opera (But scared to sing in front of people go figure!) spent 10 years in NYC and has a $800 a month pension when she hits 65. She would use her education to show off, except didn't work on me as I read at college level.
She started contacting me after 9 years of no contact and now she's gone dark (Hasn't tried to contact me) and I'm not interested in continuing it.
Both of the above would point out my flaws, never encouraged me (Nor our Mother but she's dead now) so as you can see. I'm on the verge of cutting them all loose and finally just doing what I like and ignoring their existence.
Good relationships have to have a good seed of love and bonding and be watered and given good manure (Who hasn't given their family members **** from time to time?) and lots of light and assistance. Working WITH the person to solidify the bond, not use an axe on it.
I've learned a few things in relationship and life as the followings:
The more you love someone, the more you have to sacrifice yourself for that person; and that someone may not love you back anyway
No pain, no gain. For an instance that you have to have sleepless nights and work very hard to take care of your child from a baby to a grownup, and for that you can enjoy some precious moments when your child is cute when s/he is little, or good or nice back to you when s/he is grown-up. But remember #1 above
No expectations, no disappointments
There are pros and cons in everything regarding being alone or with someone
There are many more; I cannot list them all.
Of course, relationships are not easy because there is blood or an unseeable string to tie someone to someone else together. That blood is sticky; that string is very strong, is very powerful, even you cannot see with your normal eyes. Sometimes, you may be able to choose. Sometimes, you have no choice. And it's not easy to just take it or leave it (the person who is related to you) either because you might feel guilt when you leave that someone in a flick (just like that!). It's hard to explain. Relationships are mysterious.
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