Why are relationships so hard?

[Willamette City]

I have a complicated relationship with my wife. We've been together for well over 40 years, We get along great for the most part, we consider ourselves part of a team. Politically we are a match, we agree on our lifestyle choices, she even likes to watch football and basketball games together.
To those around us, we are the perfect match. Despite all that, we fight about the dumbest stuff. For example, we share the morning crossword puzzle, help each other out, don't cheat too much, but this morning we got into an argument about it. The argument got to the point where we decided to be room mates instead of a married couple. That's carried on for most of the day. We are slowly deciding to be a couple again. I think my ego gets in the way of total happiness. I realize i can be an egotistical jerk, but I'm not sure what to do about it.
I think Science Fiction author Robert Heinlein had a good take on love. "When someones happiness is essential to your own happiness." I like that sentiment, but I don't always follow it. I'm sure we'll make it, but I know i have work to do on my side of the relationship.

[cb2008]

[quote=Willamette City;56756460]I have a complicated relationship with my wife. We've been together for well over 40 years, We get along great for the most part, we consider ourselves part of a team. Politically we are a match, we agree on our lifestyle choices, she even likes to watch football and basketball games together.
To those around us, we are the perfect match. Despite all that, we fight about the dumbest stuff. For example, we share the morning crossword puzzle, help each other out, don't cheat too much, but this morning we got into an argument about it. The argument got to the point where we decided to be room mates instead of a married couple. That's carried on for most of the day. We are slowly deciding to be a couple again. I think my ego gets in the way of total happiness. I realize i can be an egotistical jerk, but I'm not sure what to do about it.
I think Science Fiction author Robert Heinlein had a good take on love. "When someones happiness is essential to your own happiness." I like that sentiment, but I don't always follow it. I'm sure we'll make it, but I know i have work to do on my side of the relationship.[/quote


Living with an unhappy person is hell, so yeah it is essential that one's partner is happy so they are not miserable to deal with. I don't think that is necessarily love as much as being pragmatic. Love is when you feel loved, and is love when you look at your partner and see them in all their vulnerabilities and feel tenderness. Any action that follows would be out of love.

I suppose we all have our own definitions of loving our partner.

[tijlover]

The word relationship has the word ship in it and ships can capsize at any time. Some relationships outgrow their usefulness and, people's values can change and not to your liking, or your values change and not to their liking. No point in being reminded that our country has become split in half today, and many relationships have been ruptured, some irretreviably, as a result of it. I lost 2 nieces and a sister as a result of it, but they've been replaced.

[mainebrokerman]

We are complicated creatures

Most of us carry around ghosts and demons
Of the past we haven’t let go of
And these emotional demons manifest
And attach - they anchor us

And many try running or avoiding these demons
Instead of letting them go
Which gives us little trust And confidence

It’s easier to be cold and protected than to
Risk. Vulnerability exposure again

There’s an old saying
A ship is safe in the harbor- but that’s not what
It’s built for

Let your demons. Go they anchor you
And you will again like the traits of yourself
You use to

[Joesemos]

Don't Know why relationship is hard but I love to live single don't want any type of relationship...

[Nonchalance]

Sadder but wiser, I now avoid vicious, combative backstabbers, gladhanders and phonies. Because some people are grifters, others are marks.