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The mother is disgusted with her daughter's behavior, but she says nothing except to you. She is enabling her daughter.
Reporting this woman to authorities (as some have suggested) is such a breach of trust because she confided in you, I find it is worse for a friend to do to a friend, than the few small lies she has told you.
The mother is venting to you. Either cut her off or be an ear for her. Maybe she has no one else?
if you want to back off from the friendship, then do that.
but i wouldn't give as a reason anything more than you just need some time for yourself and don't feel like hanging out anymore.
i can't see it would serve any purpose to leave with a laundry list of what you don't like about her or her relatives.
it sounds like you don't trust her, and you are not at ease with things she shares about her family and lifestyle. i don't see why are you trying to salvage the friendship.
or limit the friendship to things that do work, but that don't involve sharing in depth or long involved conversation. for instance you say you help each other out, so if that is positive keep doing that, if it is things like house sitting, or pet sitting, or running errands for each other when sick or rides to the airport or whatever. or activities that can be shared, but without long involved sharing conversation, such as hiking or going to movies, or concerts or craft shows. but it's hard to go from "sharing and talking about everything" to being less personal in conversation.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 12-07-2019 at 06:53 PM..
i've just never seen it work well or end well when someone says "i like hanging out with you but can we please not talk about xyz" your boyfriend, your daughter, the argument you had with your boss, whatever. inevitably feelings get hurt and the person feels judged and criticized, and says what kind of friend are you anyway
Obviously you are hearing this because you are a close friend, she trusts you and she’s probably outraged by this herself but needs to vent and get it out. Sharing this with you is therapy for her but she’s not realizing how disturbing it is for you to hear and the adventures never end.
That being the case, I would politely let her know that these discussions bother you, make you feel uncomfortable and you’d rather not continue with those conversations for the sake of your friendship.
If I had a friend I valued and they mentioned a subject that their uncomfortable talking about, I’d respect their opinion and have to seriously reconsider my priorities.
I’ve always found it easier in the long term to be honest and upfront from the start.
I'm sick of every military vet I know getting disability payments. One couple are retired Navy Captains who both participate in triathlons. Both are employed full time, one as a pilot for a major airline, while they raise 4 very active children. They coach sports. There is no obviously disability for either one of them and yet both are paid Navy retirement PLUS disability pay. It's ridiculous. I know many retired military persons (under 50) and every single one of them claims disability. Older vets don't seem to do it but younger vets do.
you can only put so much lipstick on a pig...its still a pig..
nothing is free in life if she's getting all these things for "free" then the rest of us are paying for it....
look at the single mothers having two jobs just to feed her kids and scrape by …...I lived in my car..... and worked at a slaughterhouse ...but all the while we played by the rules..paid our taxes....just so a-holes like this can abuse the system??
thru the years...… we've had former friends and acquaintances...that have commited fraud...and yes this is what it is..... and have dis-associated ourselves
when going fishing amongst our buddies.... years ago when planning the day we all told "jeff" to buy the beer and sandwiches since he's receiving our monies in taxes...…(he bragged loudly about it) he got offended but we got our point across and we no longer associate with him..... he's on 2-3 forms of welfare and works under the table for cash..... and has new vehicles...
I tried to teach my son values...what honor is...what karma is....what doing randem acts of kindness is...what being considerate is......what these people are doing is akin to robbing xmas gifts at an orphanage and laughing about it ...when the rest of us have to work everyday … its a whole mindset "hooray for me and f-you"
I'm sick of every military vet I know getting disability payments. One couple are retired Navy Captains who both participate in triathlons. Both are employed full time, one as a pilot for a major airline, while they raise 4 very active children. They coach sports. There is no obviously disability for either one of them and yet both are paid Navy retirement PLUS disability pay. It's ridiculous. I know many retired military persons (under 50) and every single one of them claims disability. Older vets don't seem to do it but younger vets do.
It is something the military does when people separate. It allows them to get treatment through the VA for service connected disabilities in addition to payment. It is not the same as disability through social security and is assessed based on percentages.
The mother is disgusted with her daughter's behavior, but she says nothing except to you. She is enabling her daughter.
Reporting this woman to authorities (as some have suggested) is such a breach of trust because she confided in you, I find it is worse for a friend to do to a friend, than the few small lies she has told you.
The mother is venting to you. Either cut her off or be an ear for her. Maybe she has no one else?
I agree that she's enabling her daughter. She has other friends, so I'm not sure if I'm the only person she's telling about this crap.
I don't think I could report the daughter, although I wish someone would. I believe eventually scammers get caught and we all reap what we sow.
We're neighbors, so maybe we should just be neighbors and leave it at that.
if you want to back off from the friendship, then do that.
but i wouldn't give as a reason anything more than you just need some time for yourself and don't feel like hanging out anymore.
i can't see it would serve any purpose to leave with a laundry list of what you don't like about her or her relatives.
it sounds like you don't trust her, and you are not at ease with things she shares about her family and lifestyle. i don't see why are you trying to salvage the friendship.
or limit the friendship to things that do work, but that don't involve sharing in depth or long involved conversation. for instance you say you help each other out, so if that is positive keep doing that, if it is things like house sitting, or pet sitting, or running errands for each other when sick or rides to the airport or whatever. or activities that can be shared, but without long involved sharing conversation, such as hiking or going to movies, or concerts or craft shows. but it's hard to go from "sharing and talking about everything" to being less personal in conversation.
We were neighbors and became friends because she witnessed a dirty trick my next door neighbor pulled on me and she came to me about it. IMO, it takes years to really know someone. I feel indebted to her for the emotional support during that time when nobody else could see how evil the old jerk was. I feel indebted to her also because she gave me furniture and wouldn't take money for it.
We all have our faults and God knows I have a long list also. I always try to put myself in the other persons' shoes. Who am I to stand on a high moral ground and judge someone else? I don't really trust her anymore.
We're neighbors and I have to see her all the time. Maybe the best thing to do is end the friendship and just be a good neighbor.
We were neighbors and became friends because she witnessed a dirty trick my next door neighbor pulled on me and she came to me about it. IMO, it takes years to really know someone. I feel indebted to her for the emotional support during that time when nobody else could see how evil the old jerk was. I feel indebted to her also because she gave me furniture and wouldn't take money for it.
We all have our faults and God knows I have a long list also. I always try to put myself in the other persons' shoes. Who am I to stand on a high moral ground and judge someone else? I don't really trust her anymore.
We're neighbors and I have to see her all the time. Maybe the best thing to do is end the friendship and just be a good neighbor.
Maybe the best thing to do is end the friendship and just be a good neighbor
that sounds like a good and wise and practical approach.
a person can be a kind and courteous and helpful neighbor,
and still maintain a distance emotionally.
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