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She drives a big SUV and had it parked at her Mom's so the repo company couldn't find it.
If Mom (your friend) allowed this, she was complicit in the scam to cheat the lender.
This, along with her tips on getting insurance by having someone lie for you, means your friend is a liar and a scammer, too. Most honest people would be embarrassed to tell even a good friend about a child who pulled scams.
I have a dear friend and we get along well and help each other out. I've been backing off spending time with her over the past six months or so because I end up getting irritated with things she tells me about her adult daughte!
"My friend, I'm here to talk to you, about you and what you're doing. Not your daughter. Let's ignore what she's done, for it's not something that I find interesting,"
It's tough to say. Since you already have listened to so much. But give it a shot.....
I've caught my friend in a couple of lies in things she's told me about her daughter, so I'm not sure I can trust everything she says.
I think NoMoreSnow is right; there are a lot of checks and balances in place for these programs, it's not super-easy to continually "scam"...so
the mother may be misinterpreting or misunderstanding or just doesn't plain really know what the daughter is doing. So you can't know for sure how much, if any, of this is really "scamming."
Quote:
Originally Posted by cam1957
I'm going out with my friend next week and I know I'll hear about some new con. I don't want to hurt my friend, but I have a really hard time listening to the constant scams of her daughter.
If you don't want to be direct with her, then you could throw up your hands in mock horror and laughingly say something like "Stop! Don't tell me any more details -- I don't want to become an accessory to those crimes/all this fraud!" Then if she continues to talk about her daughter, say "Wow. Awful. Hey listen, I just said I don't really want to hear about her crimes" (say it in a good-natured tone) and slide right into "Let's talk about something we're both interested in, such as XXXX, instead..." Then talk about XXXX. If you do something like this every time she brings up the subject of her daughter's latest exploits, she'll get the idea. And if she doesn't, well, then you can cool the frequency of visits and again, she will know why....and maybe she'll realize it's a conversation-stopper.
I am in a similar situation, my bff of over 2 decades has become more self absorbed to the point that she even forgot it was my birthday and we had plans. Then to top it off, a few weeks later, I had a family member pass away to which she told me as I was crying on the phone with her that she will call me later. She didn't call me later. Has made me re-evaluate if I want to even continue this friendship.
I know what you mean. I too had a similar situation with a bff -- death in my family, other unpleasant things going on, which my good friend knew all this and promised to call me back "later" (this was waaay back in the days before cell/smartphones). She didn't call me back.
Then a year later I get a call from her.
She says very excitedly: "Hi Zala, it's me, "Judy"!"
I say very matter-of-factly, as if she were the next-door neighbor I said hi to everyday: "Oh hey, what's up?"
She was started:"Umm, did you hear me? It's "Judy"!"
"Yeah, I know. What's up?"
A few minutes of perfunctory conversation, and that was the end of that.
I am in a similar situation, my bff of over 2 decades has become more self absorbed to the point that she even forgot it was my birthday and we had plans. Then to top it off, a few weeks later, I had a family member pass away to which she told me as I was crying on the phone with her that she will call me later. She didn't call me later. Has made me re-evaluate if I want to even continue this friendship.
I'm sorry you're going through this. That's a hard pill to swallow after 20 years of friendship. I think you're right to take a deep look into whether or not to even put anymore effort into this person.
If Mom (your friend) allowed this, she was complicit in the scam to cheat the lender.
This, along with her tips on getting insurance by having someone lie for you, means your friend is a liar and a scammer, too. Most honest people would be embarrassed to tell even a good friend about a child who pulled scams.
I agree with you wholeheartedly.
I've become a neighbor and have no desire to be anything more after learning that her daughter was able to somehow get her food stamps which only equaled $19.00 a month. She's working 36 hours/week under the table. When Covid hit, she got $420.00 in food stamps. I have no use for her, her daughter or their scams.
"My friend, I'm here to talk to you, about you and what you're doing. Not your daughter. Let's ignore what she's done, for it's not something that I find interesting,"
It's tough to say. Since you already have listened to so much. But give it a shot.....
Thank you for taking the time to offer the suggestion. I've terminated the friendship since learning she's no better than her daughter.
I think NoMoreSnow is right; there are a lot of checks and balances in place for these programs, it's not super-easy to continually "scam"...so
the mother may be misinterpreting or misunderstanding or just doesn't plain really know what the daughter is doing. So you can't know for sure how much, if any, of this is really "scamming."
If you don't want to be direct with her, then you could throw up your hands in mock horror and laughingly say something like "Stop! Don't tell me any more details -- I don't want to become an accessory to those crimes/all this fraud!" Then if she continues to talk about her daughter, say "Wow. Awful. Hey listen, I just said I don't really want to hear about her crimes" (say it in a good-natured tone) and slide right into "Let's talk about something we're both interested in, such as XXXX, instead..." Then talk about XXXX. If you do something like this every time she brings up the subject of her daughter's latest exploits, she'll get the idea. And if she doesn't, well, then you can cool the frequency of visits and again, she will know why....and maybe she'll realize it's a conversation-stopper.
Thank you for taking the time to answer and offer suggestions.
I've become a neighbor as opposed to a friend. The mother is now doing more scamming off the government, so I have no use for being friends with people like her.
Speak of the devil, her spidey senses must have alerted her to this forum. She called but I was busy and didn't pick up. VM message from her says: Hi I've missed how supportive you were when Ralph (her dog) died, give me a call back. WOW what a nerve, talk about being clueless and self absorbed. Won't be calling her back. Need a permanent break.
Thank you for taking the time to offer the suggestion. I've terminated the friendship since learning she's no better than her daughter.
I suspect that someone who's continually putting down another (be it her daughter or someone else) is usually using it as a cover for their own inadequacies.
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