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Thanks to all who provided useful advice and I’m glad to know I’m not the only person who has ever felt this way. I think part of it has become I and more careful on who I spend time with since I have so little time. Social media doesn’t help as people tend to highlight and take photos of the time they do spend with friends which sometimes makes it seem like they are always having fun.
My former college roommate for example is a people person. She is someone who is unhappy if she is alone at anytime. She works full time, has two little kids, husband and they run a farm. She is always going out with friends it seems. I don’t know how she does it. I’d be exhausted if I had her life. But we are all different I guess.
But yes I do find myself annoyed when I am forced to attend certain family situations. My brother irritates me, I hate my sister and brother and law. I actually don’t like my husbands family at all. They are just lazy useless people. I don’t know where he came from because he is always needing to be busy. His brother is 38 and can’t drive because of a dui, he has no friends, can’t figure anything out on his own. DH even pays some of his bills like cable and phone and then waits for him to pay him in cash. When DH and I were dating I wasn’t bothered by his family, I didn’t really concern myself with them. Now I just try to avoid them.
Anyways I’ve gotten off topic a bit. I perhaps am judgemental. I don’t have time for lazy people who sit there and wait for others to do things for them and I feel like there are people in both my and DHs family like they. No way. I work too hard to have people like that in my life but I can’t get away from these people.
As your children get older, you'll probably make more friends with other parents who are at the same activities you are. You can volunteer to help coach or be the team mom, etc.
Also, don't waste your energy judging other people, just be happy that you're not like them! You can't change them.
My husband and mother think I’m weird that I have no friends. It is what it is. The only time I ever had a big group of girlfriends was in college. I see people putting up pictures of girls nights who are my age or older and I feel like maybe I’m missing out. I just don’t like to go out. Is this so bad?
That isn't fair. It isn't even their business.
Social media is poison - makes people feel bad if they don't conform.
Of course you shouldn't have to exhaust yourself to meet these expectations.
As to watching girls having girls night out - I will even still have a tiny twinge of jealousy when I know some friends have gone off to a male stripper show or to Las Vegas for a major gambling weekend. But, then I remember that I would have said no if I was asked and would have really hated to go lol.
This is a thing, even for introverts. I'm not huge on internet slang that becomes memelike, overall, but in this case, "FOMO" really does capture it. Most of us know we'd not choose participate in a given thing even if given the option...but we still wanna at least be given the option, even if there is a snowball's chance in hell. Fear of Missing Out.
A couple of years ago, when I had a breastfeeding newborn, a toddler, grad school, internship,and my husband was overseas on Navy training, there is no way I could have swung a concert festival thing with a couple I'm tight with, and they knew it, too...Heck, just managing going to dinner was difficult. But to see that they went and not be asked, even if I would have certainly declined still was a bummer. It isn't rational or fair to crave continuing to get invites when we chronically turn them down (or in another classic introvert trick, which I don't do, accept but invariably bail in the 11th hour or no-show). But emotional response doesn't have to be rationale or fair. We still wanna be considered even if we know we're gonna say no.But it just isn't the way it works, mostly...if you don't actively nurture friendships, being included in things on the regular peters out over time, and that's just the cost of doing business.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781
I’m 41 years old and I have a lot less friends than I once did. It feels like I’ve grown apart with people and haven’t made the effort to keep in touch with others. I’ve been married since 2013, I had two kids quickly and I work full time. Life is just busy. I live in the Boston area and it’s not easy to get around to meet people after work or even on the weekends. Traffic here has become insane. In my free time I can’t say I want to commute an hour to see someone and spend the money for lunch to leave and say ok see you in a few months. For these reasons my friendships have dwindled. I do have a few friends who I wondered why I even became friends with in the first place and maybe they feel the same. One girl turned into a complete basket case and I couldn’t bear talking to her anymore.
I also get really irritated with certain family members. I can’t stand my husbands brothers and brother’s wife. The long and short of that is the sister in law is selfish, uptight, accepted expensive gifts from my husband for her kids and got our kids blatantly cheap stuff. They make plenty money too but it’s made obvious none will be spent on our kids even though my DH went above and beyond for hers. He got the picture and has cut back but they have left a bad taste in my mouth.
My own brother gets under my skin. He’s 37 and has done nothing with his life. He’s been engaged twice, had to go to drug rehab, has never found a career and thinks he’s the bomb. He has never had to be responsible for anything. My parents have done so much for him and continue to bail him out. I don’t even want to be around him because he contributes nothing. My husbands brother is very similar to my own brother. Only difference is he’s very overweight and has no drive to do anything. I mean anything. He doesn’t even have a license.
I could go on but I feel like there are many people in my family I just don’t want to be around. I wouldn’t mind having a girlfriend but again finding time to hang out is the issue at this point. I feel like I’m unkind. At work there are a lot of people that I like but I mostly interact with them and then go home. I’ve always been pretty introverted and I guess I’ve accepted that about myself. I am not lonely but I worry that maybe when my kids are older I will be. But then again maybe not. I didn’t get married until I was 35. I learned to do a lot alone as many of my friends were in relationships and had no time for me. I do feel that I’ve been hurt in the past by people and perhaps I’m also jaded to that. I enjoy doing things alone.
My husband and mother think I’m weird that I have no friends. It is what it is. The only time I ever had a big group of girlfriends was in college. I see people putting up pictures of girls nights who are my age or older and I feel like maybe I’m missing out. I just don’t like to go out. Is this so bad?
I get where you are coming from. My own mother is a lot like you where she doesn’t really get out and socialize outside of work (she works even though she can retire, due to the socialization). I get it at her age (late 60s.)
I think once your kids gets older and don’t need as much intensive care from you, you may open back up. I think you are aware that your patience isn’t at the highest point due to stress and that will resolve itself over time with less commitments.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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When I was in that stage of life, we had "family friends" that we spent time with. Other couples with similar age children who got along well with our kids.
Since you work full time and have two little ones, I think it would be unreasonable for you to take much time from your evenings and weekends to visit single girlfriends. A couple nights out a month, maybe, but not every weekend and lots of evenings.
Have y'all not developed a base of mutual friends?
As your children grow up and are busy with their own stuff/hobbies/schools you can use that time if you like to do things where you would be around others and maybe strike up a friendship....working out, art class, volunteer work, lecture series on a subject that interests you, a college class. Don't overdo though. Be relaxed about that time.
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