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We have this one particular family friend with young girls, 8 years and 10 years. We have known them for over 5 years now. Very sweet people but around Christmas, they go over and above my budget.
For 5 years now, I have been asking them what the kids want for Christmas and I get really expensive suggestions on what they may like.. (example: a Pandora bracelet or an American Girl doll with xyz accessories etc). I would be looking at $80 to $100 per girl and with taxes, I am looking at a good $225.
BUT, they also give my kids equally expensive gifts. For example, if I say my son likes Thomas the Train (and specify just One train), they wouldn't give 1 train. He would get like 10 of them adding up to $100.
This year though, we had too many expenses and I didnt even ask them what the kids want (and she didnt ask me either) and gave them presents worth $40 each.
Lo and behold on Christmas day when my kids opened their presents, it was at least $100 + each. Hubby got mad at me that we only got $40 presents. I kept telling him, just because they can afford it, we cant too and that maybe we will make it up somehow....he thinks we missed the ball this time and screwed up and that we knew they would go overboard and yet "I" bought only small gifts. Kids of course dont know and dont care.
What is the proper etiquette in circumstances like this? I feel really bad thinking if I indeed messed up. I really couldnt afford it this year.
We have this one particular family friend with young girls, 8 years and 10 years. We have known them for over 5 years now. Very sweet people but around Christmas, they go over and above my budget.
For 5 years now, I have been asking them what the kids want for Christmas and I get really expensive suggestions on what they may like.. (example: a Pandora bracelet or an American Girl doll with xyz accessories etc). I would be looking at $80 to $100 per girl and with taxes, I am looking at a good $225.
BUT, they also give my kids equally expensive gifts. For example, if I say my son likes Thomas the Train (and specify just One train), they wouldn't give 1 train. He would get like 10 of them adding up to $100.
This year though, we had too many expenses and I didnt even ask them what the kids want (and she didnt ask me either) and gave them presents worth $40 each.
Lo and behold on Christmas day when my kids opened their presents, it was at least $100 + each. Hubby got mad at me that we only got $40 presents. I kept telling him, just because they can afford it, we cant too and that maybe we will make it up somehow....he thinks we missed the ball this time and screwed up and that we knew they would go overboard and yet "I" bought only small gifts. Kids of course dont know and dont care.
What is the proper etiquette in circumstances like this? I feel really bad thinking if I indeed messed up. I really couldnt afford it this year.
Let Hubby buy for them next year.
Seriously, let it go. This ^^ isn't gift-giving, it's being beholden to someone else's standard. Give what you can afford, and if the friends don't like it and stop being friends with you because of it, they weren't real friends.
Seriously, let it go. This ^^ isn't gift-giving, it's being beholden to someone else's standard. Give what you can afford, and if the friends don't like it and stop being friends with you because of it, they weren't real friends.
Right! Thank you! Sometimes I feel so jittery around the lady. If you ask me to pin point exactly why, i cant say. But for everything i say, she has something better to say. I could keep an acquaintance with her as my hubby is good friends with her hubby but cannot be friends with her.
He is saying, maybe next year we will cut down on our own presents to our family and make sure their generosity is reciprocated. I simply dont see the need for it. Am i being crazy?!! He thinks its improper not be on the same page when they are being so generous.
He is saying, maybe next year we will cut down on our own presents to our family and make sure their generosity is reciprocated. I simply dont see the need for it. Am i being crazy?!! He thinks its improper not be on the same page when they are being so generous.
That is really sad.
He Is basically saying that their approval is more important to him than his own family's.
I remember your other threads about him though, so I know this is a losing battle. You did nothing wrong here.
He overreacted because he felt embarrassed. While he shouldn't have felt that way, he did.
You did nothing wrong when it comes to etiquette, but you've admitted that you're only an acquaintance with the wife and he's good friends with the husband. It would have been courteous to discuss the change in spending prior to the holiday so your husband wasn't caught off guard - or had the opportunity to ask you to spend more.
Next year, tell them in November, let's make a budget for the kids presents and see what they say.
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maila
(snip) He thinks its improper not be on the same page when they are being so generous.
IMHO, that is wrong. I have very close friends who have several million dollars in savings/stocks/CDs/etc. and both receive huge pensions and SS checks each month. Often they are extremely generous to me and others. There is absolutely no way, as a retiree with a fairly low monthly income and virtually no savings, that I can reciprocate equally financially but I do it in other thoughtful and considerate ways. They are happy, I'm happy. Win-win.
I find it odd that "family friends" are spending $100 on each kid. That's more than I gifted to my nieces and nephews, my own flesh and blood.
This is not what Christmas (or any holiday) is about.
I would say skip the gifts altogether and spend the money on a nice dinner among the 2 families.
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