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Old 02-08-2020, 09:54 AM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,637,334 times
Reputation: 36278

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
The lack of acknowledgement was the problem.

If she had simply texted back "ok," that would have been enough.

I was excited and wanted to share something with her, but I would have totally understood if she was not available to talk and had simply acknowledged my text.

And I know there is no changing people who are inconsiderate - I sometimes forget and never expected to get no response at all.

I think it would be a funny experiment the next time she texts me to not respond (I would never do that) - she would go ballistic! Can you imagine? She texts me and nothing . . . and after she tries again I would say "I am not glued to my phone." It's just so dysfunctional and disrespectful to ignore people. There are social conventions because common courtesy does matter in life.
No, there is isn't. So YOU need to change how you deal with them and don't expect much from them.

I had a friend text me last week about getting together this week, I texted back and asked if a certain day would work for them....crickets.

So after not hearing back for a few days I am now busy that day. If they text back and say that day works for them, I will just say "sorry, I didn't hear back from you for several days, now have plans".

As another poster said I don't chase after people.

 
Old 02-08-2020, 10:27 AM
 
Location: East TN
11,128 posts, read 9,760,240 times
Reputation: 40544
Since she was "away on business" she may have been in meetings or at work, or dining with a client, etc when you texted. Many people are not glued to their phones. They turn off the notifications and ringers when they are busy, and forget to turn them back on, or just prefer to concentrate on the business at hand and not be distracted. It's no different than if you call and it goes straight to VM, and you leave a msg and they don't call back for a day or two. In other words, it's normal for some people. I sometimes do the same thing. If I'm busy and don't have time to get into what may become a long conversation, I wait until I have the time to devote my attention to it, and then call or respond. Did you say it was urgent, or that you needed to talk right away? If not, she just gave it the attention she felt it warranted, and then called you when it was convenient. It's nothing to get all bent out of shape over. Next time maybe say something like "I need to talk to you, can you call me tonight?" That way there's a time frame, but don't expect someone who's trying to work to drop everything and return your text that she might not even have noticed. She didn't apologize because she didn't feel she had done anything wrong requiring an apology.

The original post (rant) came off as really needy. Your relative's love for you has nothing at all to do with her cell phone habits.
 
Old 02-08-2020, 10:31 AM
 
946 posts, read 566,826 times
Reputation: 1761
Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire View Post
She’s out of town on business. Leave her alone.
Yes. This.

If someone wants to talk to you, they WILL. They are not your dog and don't have to come when you call them.
 
Old 02-08-2020, 10:58 AM
 
Location: planet earth
8,620 posts, read 5,652,717 times
Reputation: 19645
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
No, there is isn't. So YOU need to change how you deal with them and don't expect much from them.

I had a friend text me last week about getting together this week, I texted back and asked if a certain day would work for them....crickets.

So after not hearing back for a few days I am now busy that day. If they text back and say that day works for them, I will just say "sorry, I didn't hear back from you for several days, now have plans".

As another poster said I don't chase after people.
Right. Sounds like you were a little annoyed. Thankfully, it was only a "friend," not a relative. It's a little different with relatives - or it is for me - I care more.
 
Old 02-08-2020, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,745 posts, read 34,389,499 times
Reputation: 77099
Quote:
Originally Posted by littletraveller View Post
Yes. This.

If someone wants to talk to you, they WILL. They are not your dog and don't have to come when you call them.
And if you require a response, communicate that. If I get a text that's just, "hey, what's up" I'm not motivated to drop everything and get back to that person. I'll text back at my convenience.
 
Old 02-08-2020, 11:03 AM
 
Location: planet earth
8,620 posts, read 5,652,717 times
Reputation: 19645
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
Since she was "away on business" she may have been in meetings or at work, or dining with a client, etc when you texted. Many people are not glued to their phones. They turn off the notifications and ringers when they are busy, and forget to turn them back on, or just prefer to concentrate on the business at hand and not be distracted. It's no different than if you call and it goes straight to VM, and you leave a msg and they don't call back for a day or two. In other words, it's normal for some people. I sometimes do the same thing. If I'm busy and don't have time to get into what may become a long conversation, I wait until I have the time to devote my attention to it, and then call or respond. Did you say it was urgent, or that you needed to talk right away? If not, she just gave it the attention she felt it warranted, and then called you when it was convenient. It's nothing to get all bent out of shape over. Next time maybe say something like "I need to talk to you, can you call me tonight?" That way there's a time frame, but don't expect someone who's trying to work to drop everything and return your text that she might not even have noticed. She didn't apologize because she didn't feel she had done anything wrong requiring an apology.

The original post (rant) came off as really needy. Your relative's love for you has nothing at all to do with her cell phone habits.
I've explained this numerous times - what upset me was the lack of acknowledgement.

I also went into some detail about her expressed "love" to me and the incongruity of not giving a one letter acknowledgment of the text I sent.

Using the word "needy" is insulting.

You don't know me.

I live alone and am self-sufficient and have been for a very long time.

I would bet dollars-to-doughnuts that most people flinging that insult at me have probably spent little, if any time alone.
 
Old 02-08-2020, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Texas
13,480 posts, read 8,382,658 times
Reputation: 25948
What I see is two people with different styles of communicating.
 
Old 02-08-2020, 11:12 AM
 
24,544 posts, read 10,869,900 times
Reputation: 46875
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I've explained this numerous times - what upset me was the lack of acknowledgement.

I also went into some detail about her expressed "love" to me and the incongruity of not giving a one letter acknowledgment of the text I sent.

Using the word "needy" is insulting.

You don't know me.

I live alone and am self-sufficient and have been for a very long time.

I would bet dollars-to-doughnuts that most people flinging that insult at me have probably spent little, if any time alone.

You say it over and over - you are alone, you feel insulted because you did not get instant gratification by acknowledgement and such behavior is inappropriate.

Please join the 23 texts sitting in my phone.
 
Old 02-08-2020, 11:18 AM
 
Location: planet earth
8,620 posts, read 5,652,717 times
Reputation: 19645
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
What I see is two people with different styles of communicating.
Yes! And it is my fault, because I know this, but I got too excited.

And also I do have a problem with people gushing that they love you and then not doing a simple thing out of common courtesy. And she would hate it if the same was done to her. That's all.

It's best if I don't try to communicate with her and I have to be kind of fake when she communicates with me because we are just too different in our communication styles and there is no gaining of understanding that ever happens.
 
Old 02-08-2020, 11:20 AM
 
Location: planet earth
8,620 posts, read 5,652,717 times
Reputation: 19645
Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep2 View Post
You say it over and over - you are alone, you feel insulted because you did not get instant gratification by acknowledgement and such behavior is inappropriate.

Please join the 23 texts sitting in my phone.
Now this is interesting.

My relative was simply just being herself, not intending malice to me.

Sounds like you've got some power and control issues going on to be so proud of ignoring 23 texts. I don't know who would be wanting to text you with that attitude.
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