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Right. Sounds like you were a little annoyed. Thankfully, it was only a "friend," not a relative. It's a little different with relatives - or it is for me - I care more.
Yes, I was a little annoyed. Because they were the one who texted me about getting together next week, which is now this week and when I suggested a day they never responded. If they respond I will simply tell them I waited a few days(which I did) never heard back, and made other plans for that day.
But I told myself let it go, it's not that big of a deal.
For the record I have a relative like yours as well. They run very hot and cold, so I don't let myself get worked up over it anymore, just not worth it.
I guess I am at a point in life where I don't expect much from people, if they come through and do what they say they will or show some courtesy than it's a nice surprise. But getting annoyed only causes you stress and physical ailments....not them.
Not everyone has the same attitude about texting. Not everyone knows where their phone is all the time or remembers to plug the silly thing in. If someone who usually responds to texts right away doesn't, it could be a phone issue. Before internalizing the non-response to something that you did or reflects on you (i.e. they don't really 'love' me) just figure they forgot to charge up their phone or they're taking a nap. Maybe her business trip took her to a time zone where she would be sleeping or at a meeting? There's about four zillion reasons as to why they didn't immediately respond to their texts that have nothing to do with the sender of the texts, so don't worry about it.
I'll generally not immediately answer a text - unless it's something such as I'm meeting someone and they want directions - since I don't want to become someone who is expected to immediately answer texts. A text is sort of an interruption to whatever I'm doing and just because someone sent a text doesn't mean it's more important than anything else. Before cellphones and answering machines, when one would answer a phone, the first question would be "do you have time to talk right now?" It was assumed that the phone call was probably interrupting something. That attitude seems to be lost now, what with folks upset without an immediate response.
Yes, I was a little annoyed. Because they were the one who texted me about getting together next week, which is now this week and when I suggested a day they never responded. If they respond I will simply tell them I waited a few days(which I did) never heard back, and made other plans for that day.
But I told myself let it go, it's not that big of a deal.
For the record I have a relative like yours as well. They run very hot and cold, so I don't let myself get worked up over it anymore, just not worth it.
I guess I am at a point in life where I don't expect much from people, if they come through and do what they say they will or show some courtesy than it's a nice surprise. But getting annoyed only causes you stress and physical ailments....not them.
I agree. I must have been in a vulnerable state - I just "forgot" to have no expectations.
It's harder when it's a pet peeve of yours that a person rubs up against.
Not everyone has the same attitude about texting. Not everyone knows where their phone is all the time or remembers to plug the silly thing in. If someone who usually responds to texts right away doesn't, it could be a phone issue. Before internalizing the non-response to something that you did or reflects on you (i.e. they don't really 'love' me) just figure they forgot to charge up their phone or they're taking a nap. Maybe her business trip took her to a time zone where she would be sleeping or at a meeting? There's about four zillion reasons as to why they didn't immediately respond to their texts that have nothing to do with the sender of the texts, so don't worry about it.
I'll generally not immediately answer a text - unless it's something such as I'm meeting someone and they want directions - since I don't want to become someone who is expected to immediately answer texts. A text is sort of an interruption to whatever I'm doing and just because someone sent a text doesn't mean it's more important than anything else. Before cellphones and answering machines, when one would answer a phone, the first question would be "do you have time to talk right now?" It was assumed that the phone call was probably interrupting something. That attitude seems to be lost now, what with folks upset without an immediate response.
You're shining a light on the different kinds of people - you are of the ilk that thinks texts are annoying and you don't answer right away to train people not to expect a response from you.
I am the exact opposite. I am responsive to all messages and expect the same from others and I see it as lack of common courtesy not to respond and it upsets me because I don't like to be left hanging - just waiting for the person to respond. It causes anxiety.
I had a business situation once where someone I was trying to put a deal together with just ghosted me in the middle of the transaction. He would not respond (and we had been in close touch, working together on a deal). In his case, he was being passive-aggressive - I forget why - it was a long time ago, but it was maddening. I wasted a lot of time trying to correspond with him and wondering what his problem was. I saw his behavior as being very unprofessional. To me, there is no excuse for it except that the person is being an *******.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-08-2020 at 03:17 PM..
Reason: Reference to competing websites.
My relative was simply just being herself, not intending malice to me.
Then this is your answer. You can't control her behavior. The only thing you can control is your expectations.
You have different communication styles. You might think it's rude to not get an instant answer, but I think it's rude to expect an immediate response to a non-urgent text.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 02-08-2020 at 01:48 PM..
For me, phone calls and texts are a form of intrusion upon my privacy. If person doesnt want to answer their phone or text it is completely okay. Just because someone is asked to talk doesn't mean they want to or they are too busy with clients and meetings. It is completely reasonable. Wanting immediate access to someone else is not.
Like when i am at work and have a deadline I cannot afford to answer my texts and calls.
You might not be getting the supportive responses you want because this forum is littered with people who once had a relationship with a parent like you. Note that I say "once had."
There are consequences to getting unpleasant with your adult children over every perceived slight. Those people eventually don't want to spend time with you at all. Tread carefully. Pick your battles. Instead of always looking at how other people make YOU feel, try to imagine how you make THEM feel. What do YOU bring to the table that makes you someone people want to talk to? (And the answer to that cannot be something monetary. "Well I buy this or that." No. I'm talking about personality. Spirit.)
It's not too late. But at some point you have to recognize that you bring a good deal of these problems upon yourself.
This thread has been cleaned up and several posts have been deleted. The topic seems to have run its course. Consequently, the thread will remain closed.
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Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-08-2020 at 03:19 PM..
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