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Aha! And therein lies the real reason why he wants to come for a visit and stay at your house. He has a religious agenda and you have not discouraged him. You've encouraged him by being a FB friend, and you've even reserved a special folder for him instead of disconnecting from him. Why did you do that with a relative stranger?
Somebody like that is a bit unstable and probably lonely because of it. Now he thinks you're a friend who needs to be converted to his beliefs and he's on a mission to come to you and be the converter at your expense at your home.
Personally I think somebody like that who takes it upon their self to try to impose their person and their religious agenda on other people is somebody who needs to be cut off and not have any further contact with at all. That includes getting rid of the special folder you have reserved for him, and it includes un-friending him on FB and blocking him from sending any messages because as long as you have him as a friend on FB and are allowing messages you are offering him encouragement. And that's not fair to him either, it's leading him on.
.
The original OP is John3232. He's the one with the pushy acquaintance who wants to come visit.
Banksock is the one with the religious friend who hasn't mentioned anything about coming to visit.
I have an acquaintance from my college days who I see when I return to San Fransico and visit friends from my youth. However, this fellow and I were never close and never did anything together.
Last year I was in SF and met for dinner with a group of friends. This fellow was there and asked for my contact info which I provided. The last six months he's been emailing asking to visit me for a week in AZ.
I didn't answer his text meesages or emails, but they continue.
My wife suggesting ignoring him but I'm thinking of something like this: "I’m sorry but I'm busy with my rental property. I'll let you know when there's a good time. Take care, John.
Or does anyone have a better suggestion?
I suggest just being honest.
"I cannot host you, but would be happy to meet up while you're in town [is that even true?]"
You might be able to get by such submitting the simple truth of the matter.
Ie, there are at least two reasons why I would not let a friend with children visit. First, I have a half dozen cats that get away with murder (and a wild animal sanctuary outside). Secondly, my home is an adult one and it would take a massive upheaval to make it suitable for children to be around.
Do you have a similar circumstance that while your home is perfect for you, it is not for guests. Perhaps a reason as "simple" as the pets would not adjust well to having their guests for in this house, they are family.
What stopped my "Golden Pals" friend dead in his tracks to trying to move it (ie, wearing me down to say yes)? When he found out that my Internet is very primitive and that he would be unable to stream.
Finally, as, if, you are looking for reasons, if it is a question of putting your feelings aside, be blunt and upfront and declare them. Do not sacrifice yourself if another might say something like "it is the civilized thing to share". If you don't like to share, say so. Further, if there are conditionals to sharing such as for only certain people but they don't happen to be one of them, they have no need to know and do not tell them anything further that you don't want to share.
I have an acquaintance from my college days who I see when I return to San Fransico and visit friends from my youth. However, this fellow and I were never close and never did anything together.
Last year I was in SF and met for dinner with a group of friends. This fellow was there and asked for my contact info which I provided. The last six months he's been emailing asking to visit me for a week in AZ.
I didn't answer his text meesages or emails, but they continue.
My wife suggesting ignoring him but I'm thinking of something like this: "I’m sorry but I'm busy with my rental property. I'll let you know when there's a good time. Take care, John.
Or does anyone have a better suggestion?
Kind of odd. I wish you'd said something about your interactions last year.
Don't ignore him. That's rude. Don't lie and say you'll get back to him.
Try something like this:
We expect to be around for the next few months, so if you happen to be coming to Arizona, we'd be happy to see you - maybe you can come over for dinner some night. But just to warn you - we're normally quite busy, so we wouldn't be able to take you around sight-seeing, so you'd be largely on your own. There's a tourism office that can provide some material about things you can do.
Nah, I'm with the No group. Glad the OP DID say no and apparently hasn't heard another word. I don't have any trouble saying "No" but it did take some work initially.
It's so much more peaceful to just say No. Resist the urge to make excuses. Refuse to engage in any arguments. The more you do it, the better you get at it.
Aha! And therein lies the real reason why he wants to come for a visit and stay at your house. He has a religious agenda and you have not discouraged him. You've encouraged him by being a FB friend, and you've even reserved a special folder for him instead of disconnecting from him. Why did you do that with a relative stranger?
Somebody like that is a bit unstable and probably lonely because of it. Now he thinks you're a friend who needs to be converted to his beliefs and he's on a mission to come to you and be the converter at your expense at your home.
Personally I think somebody like that who takes it upon their self to try to impose their person and their religious agenda on other people is somebody who needs to be cut off and not have any further contact with at all. That includes getting rid of the special folder you have reserved for him, and it includes un-friending him on FB and blocking him from sending any messages because as long as you have him as a friend on FB and are allowing messages you are offering him encouragement. And that's not fair to him either, it's leading him on.
.
I am not the op lol he's not coming over at all. I went to high school with him we used to talk back in 2008 and we lost touch. I don't know what happen in his life to become super religious. I'm not leading him on with the religion I talked to a few people from High School were mutual friends with on facebook and he sends them the same thing. They all ignore him.
I do agree with you i probably should've deleted him ages ago for trying to push his religion on people. I also have tons of people sending me tiktok videos/reels all the time i just ignore them. They are cool people but who has time to sit around all day and watch reels. I can mute their messages on facebook and it throws them in the special folder and i won't be notified.
I have learned that there is no polite way to state your boundaries. No. Especially with pushy people.
No.
Why?
Because I don't want to so stop asking
I have grown tired of being a doormat for those who can't take a polite "No" for an answer. I absolutely have no "chill" when it comes to people asking more of me than I am willing to deliver. My time is more valuable than being polite.
It’s extremely rude for someone to keep asking after someone has said no.
It’s basically saying I disrespect you as a person and I’ll ignore your choice of either yes or no and pretend I’m tone deaf and I’ll keep using manipulative tactics and pull apart your reasons as to why you are answering with no until you reluctantly say yes ?! Why does anyone want to know anyone like this ?
I’ve heard that if someone answers no and the person keeps asking the next thing to say is why are you trying to control me.
Probably most situations if someone ask a favor they should preface it with, I know this is a lot to ask, however, if you’re open to this favor I would pay you. Then listen with both ears control freaks out there if the person responds with no. Then respect their answer of no. Period.
We were brought up not to ask people for favors.
Recently I had a lot going on and couldn’t be in two places at once and thought to ask my lifelong friend a favor this doesn’t come natural for me to even think to ask. I told her there’s no obligation and I would certainly pay for her time. She wanted to help and said I didn’t need to pay her I responded that’s the only way I would agree to her taking the time to do this favor.
I told her I would mail a check and she said she wouldn’t cash it, so I said pick somewhere for a gift card she was more comfortable with that idea. I immediately had the gift card sent to her and she loved it and felt appreciated. The only other time I asked for a favor was for someone to drive me to/from and appointment. This person did not want to be paid so I offered to pay for lunch while I was at the appointment and they agreed and felt appreciated.
Never ever expect a person to say yes it’s not really being asked but more like a person is demanding a yes if they say no. No is a complete answer.
It’s best not to offer any reason or explanation just hang up and/or block these disrespectful people that way you can stay true to yourself and there’s no greater gift you can give yourself.
To thine own self be true.
Last edited by bellamax2; 03-18-2024 at 06:21 PM..
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And therein lies the real reason why he wants to come for a visit and stay at your house. He has a religious agenda and you have not discouraged him. You've encouraged him by being a FB friend, and you've even reserved a special folder for him instead of disconnecting from him. Why did you do that with a relative stranger? 
