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My childhood "best friend." I put both best and friend in quotes because I'm not sure she ever really liked me, or is capable of truly liking other women. She was jealous and mean and competitive about every single thing, down to getting engaged 2 months after I did (my marriage lasted, hers didn't, since it wasn't actually based on the spousal relationship). I knew her from infancy, so it really warped my view of what a friend should be like for a long time. I always felt like I could help her, or fix her, or be better and please her. I agonized over whether I should dump this person, which seems so strange to me now.
I finally cut her out of my life completely over 10 years ago and felt an immediate sense of relief. .
I tried that too, with my toxic friend. However, once I finally made the decision to cut her out of my life for good, she went through a crisis when her father died and then she immediately afterwards went through a terrible personal illness. I decided I couldn't bail at that point. It was too late and it would have been inhumane to just drop her like that.
Yes, people should like their friends, and if they don't they shouldn't be friends. If I find too much fault with a person then I'll ask myself why am I hanging out with them.
I have a friend, Ken, who saved my life about 45 years ago. Ken is a rather sarcastic guy who loves to trade barbs. Ken has carte blanch to say whatever the hell he wants to me. He earned that right long ago. In reality, he's pretty gentle with me and doesn't abuse his power. But it's there.
I have a friend, Ken, who saved my life about 45 years ago. Ken is a rather sarcastic guy who loves to trade barbs. Ken has carte blanch to say whatever the hell he wants to me. He earned that right long ago. In reality, he's pretty gentle with me and doesn't abuse his power. But it's there.
That's different. It sounds like sarcasm and bluntless is part of his personality and he's like that with everyone.
most of the other people mentioned here are just being toxic because they're jealous.
That's different. It sounds like sarcasm and bluntless is part of his personality and he's like that with everyone.
most of the other people mentioned here are just being toxic because they're jealous.
You are right. It's a part of his personality that hasn't changed much in almost half a century.
Talk about synchronicity! Not long after posting my comments, who should call? It was Ken! We talked for about an hour and caught up on life. One other thing that Ken and I share is a love of music. He's a bass player and concert promoter in Arizona. We played in bands together in the early to mid 70's. It was great to hear from him, he has not lost his touch with sarcasm. it's takes all my wits to keep up with him. He is the best friend I have ever had.
I've posted about this before. I used to have a friend who insulted me all the time but said it as if she was giving me a compliment.
She was one of my bridesmaids, and when looking at my wedding pictures, she said, "Oh, you made such a beautiful bride. I could hardly believe it was you."
Another time, I attended a baby shower at her house for her daughter, and when I walked up the front steps she saw me and said, "Oh! I didn't even recognize you. You look so nice."
It's as if she just couldn't help herself.
I used to take these stories into the office and tell the other women at work, and they would howl.
The time I didn't think it was funny was when her druggie/alkie brother stepped off a curb into the path of an oncoming car and was killed. She and her siblings arranged the funeral at the church in NYC where they had grown up. I took off from work, and took a train and a subway to attend the funeral, a trip that took almost two hours, and when I walked in, she saw me and immediately said, "I didn't expect to see YOU here."
I was friends with her because my husband and hers were close friends, and so we socialized together. When I got rid of my husband, I got rid of other people along with him. She was one of them. She called me a few times, and I never returned her calls. I was in the process of getting rid of abusive, toxic people in my life, and she fit the description.
There are different types of insulters. You have the quick zingers, then you have the brag+putdown, and the punch to the gut insults. I've heard all of them.
Brag/putdown is irritating and almost always stems from jealousy and insecurity. These are people who talk about themselves but also have to put down the person they are bragging to, as if the bragging wasn't enough.
The gut punch is someone who knows your weaknesses. Those people are dangerous and can really hurt you. Some of them don't even know they are doing it, or don't understand how bad it is. They are the "you're too sensitive" bunch.
I think these people do not necessarily dislike those they insult, but this is just part of how they operate for whatever reason. It certainly isn't healthy because they can lose friends and relationships over it.
Ever had a "friend" who just loves to pick at everything you do? It could be about something really dumb too. Is it jealousy? Is it hatred? And if this has happened to you, do you still talk to that person?
I see this is very old, but a common issue I think that does happen from time to time.
I have de-friended those people, but it's always sad, nonetheless, because I've often been friends with someone for years before really seeing their true colors emerge. I also think I was fairly naive about watching for jealousy among friends, as it hadn't occurred to me much really.
I've seen jealousy a lot more in the last 5 years than I ever remember noticing before that. Sometimes, it takes very bizarre forms, like my GF has suffered more issues like that in her relationships than I have. Girls who were jealous that I take care of everything for her, or that she gets great gifts, almost like she doesn't "deserve" that life. Well, sorry, life is unfair, but frankly, yes she does, maybe if these girls were nicer, hotter, and smarter, they'd have a better life too. I guess it sucks to be dumb, ugly, and be stuck with a horrible personality, but only you can change that. I think it's weird to be jealous of someone for things they can't control, though, I never have understood that.
I have noticed the best recipe for making friends is to make friends with really happy, successful people. It doesn't matter if they're rich or poor actually, it's about their attitude about life. Happy people aren't jealous because they're too busy enjoying their own lives. My best friend works a job he absolutely loves. He makes good money with OT, but nothing crazy, and to make that money he puts in 65 hours a week (by choice)! He thinks he's the luckiest guy in the world to get to work a job he loves, and that's what makes him such a good friend, too, he doesn't change or care about how much money I have, he's just happy with his own life. My other two friends are very similar, although one makes a ton of money, so he really has nothing to be jealous of anyone about haha.
Sometimes you'll see comments made in bizarre ways out of jealousy too, almost like they think they'd do better than you if they had what you have. You have to watch out for those types of people, because they're obviously hiding some jealousy and judgment there. It's probably human nature to look across and see the grass greener somewhere else, but there's a point where that can turn from, "Wow, that'd be so cool" to a bitterness or hatred for that person. Sure, I wish I had Bill Gates's money, that'd be nice, but I also think Bill Gates deserves all of the money he has and has turned into a great humanitarian, so how could I be bitter or jealous of him? Maybe envious of his genius and entrepreneurial spirit, but for me, and I think for most healthy people, we enjoy seeing other people succeed. I know that your success doesn't take away from mine, that we can both win, so I think jealousy comes into play when people have some form of self-loathing and are content to gripe about their position in life, but don't want to do anything to better it.
Some of the most jealous people I've known, they are the reason for their own failure. They are either lazy, lack vision, or made key mistakes in their lives and have absolutely nobody to blame but themselves for their own failures.
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