If you moved away from family,how was it? (Raleigh: new home, to buy)

[AM210]

My family doesn't understand why anyone would move out of state.They believe that you do your best to stay near family no matter what.We live in CT and think about heading to NC for a better way of life and more secure future(kids to send to college eventually etc)Has anyone moved to a new state and did parents,grandparents and siblings accept it?How has it been?
Thanks for any input

[Jewels36]

We have. From Texas to Kentucky. It took a little time but family has learned to accept it. Now they enjoy coming to visit each year, and say it is like a retreat to get away from the city.

I think living away has almost been better for family relationships. We have a great family but there are differences between what we want for and expect from our children than how some of the cousins are being raised and it is just nice to be away from that and to be able to avoid any hard feelings that may arise as a result.

I have lived in NC before. My parents relocated us there from Miami when we were young for much the same reasons that you are relocating. I really liked it there. It was a great place to grow up. I would love to return eventually.

[hapaleeretired]

GO! If it doesn't work out bite the bullet and go back. Be sorry for what you did.........not for what you didn't do. If you don't try it you'll always wonder. Your family should applaud your having the guts to give life a try.
I have a sister in law who is trapped in DETROIT because her husband has the same mentality as your family. Besides, if you move south they'll have someplace to visit.
I heard it worded well last week: "If we stay in the north east we will never be able to own anything".
NC is not Utopia. In some areas they are very family oriented and if you ain't kin......you ain't in. But, there are many areas that have become melting pots of people who have moved here from all parts of the country.
Visit and explore and ask more questions before you commit.
Good luck.

[luckydog]

My family doesn't understand why anyone would move out of state.They believe that you do your best to stay near family no matter what.We live in CT and think about heading to NC for a better way of life and more secure future(kids to send to college eventually etc)Has anyone moved to a new state and did parents,grandparents and siblings accept it?How has it been?

I'm probably more of a mindset closer to your families, but I wasn't always...

We left our families (but not the state) when we first married & they didn't like it, but we did. Later, we made long range choices about whether to move around (in & out of state) & advance our careers, or lose some cash, amenities & move back to where the family was, at home in rural, small town NC. Ultimately, by choice, we moved back, planted our feet & started our family & we're very happy we did. But, I think they're different situations & not fair to compare. And it's not my intention to. I had choices that I fear you don't feel you have & since every situation is personal & different, it's got to be an entirely different situation for you. I'm just saying that I understand your family's mindset, I guess, and empathsize with you at the same time.

I'm not saying your wrong, in any way & have no wish to offend, in any way...Here's how I feel, about my own situation. I could give you a similar list on the cons of our choice, but here were our pros... I like having firmly placed roots & I want that for my kids. I want my kids to actually "know" their family. And several years back, I was unexpectedly critically ill & I truly, truly needed their help in caring for myself & DD. I don't know what I'd have done without them & it gave me new perspective on why being here was so valuable to us..that turned out to be a big one for us. I'm in a rural, small town & as a parent I love that my kids are safe with family & that I know precisely who they are with, if not. And finding out here is a few phone calls away! We also moved closer to family, in order to care for them when they will perhaps one day need our help. We know that responsibility for our parents, will fall on us, for both sides of our given families. We didn't want to make a life somewhere & then have to uproot...like I said, we really like our roots & after prioritizing, realized we don't desire to move around a lot. For someone else, they might not return for that... or maybe just waiting till then & moving might be the right choice..and the situation might never happen! Our last reason & probably the strongest for us was this is "our home" & we feel a complete kinship & love for it. We never felt that in the other areas we lived & always missed home.

We talked about the fact that whereever we landed, could become our little family's new home away from home...what would be our kids "home"...and initially, it was our intention. We'd just make our own home. But the longer away, the more places we lived, the more we realized that eastern NC is pretty unique..."There's no place like home" I guess. We ultimately knew that the only place our kids would have what we did, the unique things & people that had molded us, what made us who we were, was right where we started...home. But, for someone else...I just think it would be different, as we all have different situations & obstacles...different perspective & priorities in life. The key is...what are yours? short range & long range..each of you personally & beyond yourselves to your kids, to your extended family...& giving that all a lot of thought & talking it out. Gets deep! And it's kinda gut wrenching. Change is never easy. But it can be exciting & exhilerating & liberating I think...just gotta be at peace with whatever the choice yourselves.

I do understand that you clearly have your family's best interests in mind, when considering the move in the first place! I can see it's a tough one for you & I empathsize. When this issue came to a head for us, it was discussed & thought over for a long time, & it was a hard decision to make. I truly hope you come to a decision that..well, feels comfortable...for you & your family. Then, it hopefully will all fall into place & you'll feel at peace with your choices! Best wishes!

[Miker2069]

Originally Posted by hapaleeretired

GO! If it doesn't work out bite the bullet and go back. Be sorry for what you did.........not for what you didn't do. If you don't try it you'll always wonder. Your family should applaud your having the guts to give life a try.
I have a sister in law who is trapped in DETROIT because her husband has the same mentality as your family. Besides, if you move south they'll have someplace to visit.
I heard it worded well last week: "If we stay in the north east we will never be able to own anything".
NC is not Utopia. In some areas they are very family oriented and if you ain't kin......you ain't in. But, there are many areas that have become melting pots of people who have moved here from all parts of the country.
Visit and explore and ask more questions before you commit.
Good luck.

hapaleeretired I think made a great statement which is somewhat of a personal philosphy of mine- I don't mind striking out, what I would be regretful of is not at least stepping up to the plate and trying- to me that's the worst kind of regret.

However arguements can be made for both sides- I'm from Boston so I have a somewhat know what you are talking about (although I have nearly no biological family there , but do have a lot of very close friends that are like family in Boston).

You could stay, have a great local family (one thing when you have kids is a very very big plus in my book), but like you said, RE is out of control. I often tell people take if you make less than $100K in household income in Boston (and that extends to CT too) your're pretty much poor- it's a shame.

I decided, well my wife and I decided to move, because it "feels" like the right time to leave MA. 10 years ago it wasn't though. I could complain about the weather, high cost of living, "Taxachusetts", etc., but the bottom line it "feels" like the right time to leave. I'm not sure I can really quantify or put it in a box. Possibly the best way to put it is I know I would be miserable if I stayed, and so would my wife (she's wanted out FOREVER).

So really to answer that question, it has to come from within, but it has to feel right to you- family will always make their opinions known, and most families will accept and respect (even though they don't approve) the decision you make.

I have friends where Beantown is going great, great career, new apt., etc- however they are all single- LOL.

I'll say this tidbit though, you should avoid the temptation to move simply to buy a big house or buy a house. Owning in the NE *is* doable. I've met a couple folks, not many, but a couple that have great big houses down in the South, but are just unhappy- it wasn't the right reasons to move. Having the big house should be one of the pluses, or rather icing on the cake for a move.

Anyway, NC is a great place, I think you can't go wrong with a move here.

Best of luck with your decision process..

[tpr]

my wife and i are from big irish and italian families.it will be hard at first but everyone including ourselves will have to get used to it.me and my wife sat down and really thought out what was keeping us here and we came to the conclusion that we both don't want to be in our sixties wishing we had done this when we were younger.i'm 39 she is 34 with 4 kids under 14 this is a big move for both of us but like the other post said "it feels right".

[Ms.Charlotte]

I also come from a very close knit family (and none of them are happy about this move!). My husband and I just feel we have to do what's right for our IMMEDIATE family. And I'll echo the other posts "it feels right"!

[mindync]

We moved here leaving all our family halfway across the US. It is hard in some ways but it has also been good for us. I actually talk to my mom more now (daily!) than before we moved. They have come to visit and will do so often. We send them pictures through email at least once a week.

There is some transition though. I went from a town where everyone either knew me or one of my parents or grandparents. It was comforting. But here I get to stand on my own two feet. I'm not so and so's relative but I am myself.

It's also been good for my husband and I. Although we do miss family, we enjoy the independence that comes from being so far away. No more inlaws driving by to see if you have mowed yet...or if you are home on a Saturday just because they are curious... You get the idea.

When my family came to visit, they saw why we love it and my mom did say that she was happy for us but knew we would never come back "home." She is probably right...I think someday she and my dad will move here when they need our help.

But for now, we are where we need to be to have the best life for our family.

[Bethanytedder]

I can't imagine totally getting away from all of my family. I have a son, his wife and two children, my mother and sister that all live within 7 miles of me. Then I have a son, his wife and their son about 50 miles from here and one daughter that is about 90 miles from me in Raleigh. Brianna lives in Fountain with her birth mother (she was a foster child I raised for 6 years) which that is about 18 miles from me. I see my mother and sister on an average of 4 times a week and they or I will call and we talk about 3-4 times a week on the phone. My mother has a hearing problem and I have a pulmonary disablity that wears me out to attempt to talk to her on the phone. I try to talk to my sister when I call there. The son and his family that live near me I see nearly everyday. As for the other son, I see him on an average of about once every six weeks and as for Sharon in Raleigh, I see her about every two months. But she calls me nearly everyday. As for Brianna, well, that is a really touchy situation. We had some issues last October and I haven't seen her since then. I have written her and talked to her but I haven't seen her. I use to have her and her brother every other weekend. But since her mother wants to be so icky about this and Brianna is nearly 12 with a very full life, I am just taking a back seat at the moment. I don't have any family out of state. My other sister lives in Nash County. I might see her 5 times a year. I don't get out much and they love to travel. If I see anyone at all most of the time they come to me.

[Markh]

Originally Posted by AM210

My family doesn't understand why anyone would move out of state.They believe that you do your best to stay near family no matter what.We live in CT and think about heading to NC for a better way of life and more secure future(kids to send to college eventually etc)Has anyone moved to a new state and did parents,grandparents and siblings accept it?How has it been?
Thanks for any input

Although we don't live out of state as of yet, we do live an hour or so away from most of my immediate family so we only get to see them maybe 3 or 4 times a year. Some members we see less that once per year. Not that we aren't close but it'd probably take 6 months for them to even figure out that we moved if we didn't say anything.

My wifes family, we see most everyday and it will be harder for them and her to manage but it gives them a reason for a road trip. Most everyone was really understanding with our reasons for wanting to move. Our moms were probably the most reluctant but they're still supportive of our decisions.

Everyone thought it was a bad idea when we first started talking about it but as it became more and more of a reality, then people started to talk differently about our move and were more supportive. Now that it's 15 days away even the most negative responses have turned positive.

Best of luck!!