Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been a reader of this forum for quite a while and I can't help but notice an unfortunate trend. Individuals move to NC, but then once they're here, they are truly unhappy people who have nothing nice to say about the towns that they live in. Why did you move here if things are so bad and why are you still here if you're so miserable??
When people ask about certain areas that I am familiar with, I try to do my best to give them an honest opinion of the area.... the good, bad, and ugly... so that they can get a clear picture of what life might be like there for them (and I know many others try to do the same). But as an NC native, it really grates on my nerves to see transplants whining and complaining about where they live in the great state that I love. And then they wonder why the natives are unwelcoming to them.
First off: please, point us to all these posts/people who have nothing nice to say. I've seen extremely few at most.
Second: assuming any do, I would say it's because they heard or read about how amazing NC was and so took a chance, only to find it wasn't "as advertised" and feel frustrated or even duped about it somehow.
Third: they likely can't just "go" because jobs aren't exactly overflowing right now.
Like Bill said, they saw how great it was in Outside, AARP, Southern Living and thought "we're there". So they moved and realized that there are poor areas, people don't roll out the welcome wagon when you move in. They also saw a lot of the same people they tried to escape from. Then there is the "they don't do it like we did it back home".
NC is a great state if you allow it to be. I'm sure most states are great places if you allow them to be.
I've been a reader of this forum for quite a while and I can't help but notice an unfortunate trend. Individuals move to NC, but then once they're here, they are truly unhappy people who have nothing nice to say about the towns that they live in. Why did you move here if things are so bad and why are you still here if you're so miserable??
When people ask about certain areas that I am familiar with, I try to do my best to give them an honest opinion of the area.... the good, bad, and ugly... so that they can get a clear picture of what life might be like there for them (and I know many others try to do the same). But as an NC native, it really grates on my nerves to see transplants whining and complaining about where they live in the great state that I love. And then they wonder why the natives are unwelcoming to them.
Can someone enlighten me?
My best advice to you is try moving to another state. That way, you can be the transplant for a change. Trust me, being the transplant no matter where you go is not fun. Especially if you left an area that you spent many many years in.
We are all creatures of habit. We tend to like the familiar. It is just silly for natives to take a complaining transplant seriously. It is obvious, the transplants that complain do not like their native (nor newly found) home.
People who move here do so for very specific reasons.
1. They got transferred here, and had no choice except either take the transfer or find another job. So they took the transfer.
2. They are retirees and researched the area and decided it worked well for their lifestyle and budget.
3. They were unhappy where they were so took a chance and came to NC.
I have found that often, the people in category #1 are either very happy or rather miserable, depending on how homesick they are, how badly they resisted the move, etc. If it meant a salary increase and they have been able to adjust to being apart from friends and often, family, they seem to adjust and be happy here, make the best of things, get settled into the community and come to love their new home.
Group #2 - retirees. I have been very surprised to meet retirees who were miserable here and couldn't wait to figure out how to leave. Every single time I have met an unhappy retiree, it was b/c they moved b/c they thought they would make their money go further, but they found themselves totally disconnected from long time friends and routines . . . and often, from their kids and g/kids. The happy retirees had done lots of research - sometimes for years, including visiting many times - or they had come only after their kids had lived here a while. They were ready for a change and found themselves in a new area where they put down roots, met new friends, created new routines and are very pleased w/ their decision.
Group # 3 - people who decided they would find a better life here and so just showed up. This is a recipe for disaster, and I have to say . . . Those who are unhappy strike me as people who were unhappy where they lived before . . . and they are gonna carry their unhappiness w/ them no matter where they go.
If you are basically a disgruntled person who can't seem to find "where you fit in" or "a place that has it all" or "somewhere to live the good life" (whatever that means) . . . then geography ain't gonna solve your basic internal conflicts. You are gonna always be looking for the things that don't match up w/ whatever it is you are looking for (and can't find). Sometimes, I think people run from themselves - thinking a new location is gonna "solve" their problems. Well, wherever you go, there you are. We all have to deal with ourselves FIRST.
SO that is my analysis of the various situations that bring people here . . . and why they either turn out to like it, love it, or hate it.
To answer the second part of your question - why do they stay? Sometimes, they have left bad situations behind so they can't go back to where they used to live - fractured relationships, bad job references. But for many people, they can't leave b/c they can't find a job elsewhere, or lately, they can't sell their home here. And for those who hate it here, plus have lost a job and can't sell a house, they are truly gonna be angry.
Altho there are many reasons for why a person may be unhappy here, the biggest reason, IMHO, for misery is when people don't do their research, haven't spent much time here, and didn't have a clear understanding of what life here would be like. So they are focused on everything they miss.
I had the misfortune of living someone I hated once. I tried to make the best of it and did not tell others how much I truly detested it there, b/c I was wise enuff to know that the locals would see that as a put down about THEIR lifestyles and choices. After all, if they are happy, why wouldn't I be? So what did I do? I put on a smile, got involved in groups, tried my best to find the good things, and got the hell outta there as quickly as I could. But I did so w/ grace and retained some friends even after I left. It is sheerly stupid to move somewhere and whine - sure won't get you any sympathy from the natives!!!
People who move here do so for very specific reasons.
1. They got transferred here, and had no choice except either take the transfer or find another job. So they took the transfer.
2. They are retirees and researched the area and decided it worked well for their lifestyle and budget.
3. They were unhappy where they were so took a chance and came to NC.
4. They heard all this stuff about NC is cheaper to live and people are nice and the angels sing and everything is Mayberry blah blah blah and were stupid enough to buy into it all.
Don't get me wrong NC (like any other place) and good and bad about it, most of which is largely subjective to boot. My point is I think you have a lot of people coming here primarily due to the cheaper housing (mostly NY/NJ it seems) and those who do then whine because it isn't the land of milk and honey are the ones that annoy me. In fact job opps are probably much more numerous up there anyway so that strat can easily backfire in a big way. Grass isn't always greener after all.
We came here in 87 due to husbands job. We were in Rocky Mount. Yes I hated it but his job was good and we had 7 children. I could have left and taken them (can you imagine being a single mother of 7!!!???) or I could have left them all. I actually considered this as I hated it so much but I couldn't bring myself to do that. When he retired we were down to 3 kids and husband bought a sailboat. We moved to Oriental. Yes I like it a lot better but still want to be back in New England. He loves it here however so my plan is this...When youngest kid is 20 I may leave on my own. If husband dies I will stay till she is done with high school and then leave. In any event I don't see myself staying here more then 5 more years. Often it is one person who loves it and one hates it so the choice is get divorced or just keep complaining. The things I dislike the most? The heat and humidity from May till Nov. and the religious/conservative thing with the majority of the people.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
