NEPAs Own Off-Topic Thread ( family, home, photos) (Allentown: shoppers, beaches)

[AmeriKenArtist]

...pics JG! I'll have to try Landshark.

[I LOVE PA!]

Now there is a creature we have in NEPA too! Unfortunately...the only place I ever see them is dead in the road ;(....I hate those tails though...gives me the woolies!

[Jungle George]

Originally Posted by I LOVE PA!

Now there is a creature we have in NEPA too! Unfortunately...the only place I ever see them is dead in the road ;(....I hate those tails though...gives me the woolies!

LOL!! Their tails skeeve me too, but I figure they're thinkin' the same about OUR tails!!!

[Jungle George]

You Know You're Getting Old When...

"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.

Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.

All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini.

The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

When happy hour is a nap.

When tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.

When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

When you have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.

When you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

When you stop buying green bananas.

When you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

When you were in school there was no history class!

When your birth certificate says expired on it.

When you're told to act your own age, and you die.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

You are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

[lialleycat]

[SIZE=2][SIZE=2]This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. Only a smidgen.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
"A. Shut up."
[/SIZE][SIZE=2][/SIZE][SIZE=2]
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
[/SIZE][SIZE=2][/SIZE][SIZE=2]
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US. [/SIZE][/SIZE]

[lialleycat]

And some helpful hints after the humor for today...

COFFEE FILTERS: Not just for making coffee any more...
1. Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave. Coffee filters make excellent covers.
2. Clean windows and mirrors. Coffee filters are lint-free so they'll leave windows sparkling.
3. Protect China. Separate your good dishes by putting a coffee filter between each dish.
4. Filter broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.
5. Protect a cast-iron skillet. Place a coffee filter in the skillet to absorb moisture and prevent rust.
6. Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sieve lined with a coffee filter.
7. Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a kitchen scale.
8. Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.
9. Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot. Line a plant pot with a coffee filter to prevent the soil from going through the drainage holes.
10. Prevent a Popsicle from dripping. Poke one or two holes as needed in a coffee filter.
11. Put a few in a plate and put your fried bacon, French fries, chicken fingers, etc on them. Soaks out all the grease.

[Summering]

Your all to good at these jokes...........so funny.........

Now someone pass me the frosted glass of beer. Ice beer sounds good. Just one........
No need to garnish it with anything.........please!

[Jungle George]

Yesterday we went up to BJ's & bought the new bridge to put over the stream. It was hysterical, 'cause the box was too big to fit in the car & we had to take everything out. The side rails were in 1 piece & 90" long, so in order for us to fit 'em, the front passenger seat had to go in "recline" position & the legs stick out the front passenger window.

After it was all in, we looked at each other like "where the heck is JG gonna sit"?? Well, I wedged myself (knees to the dash) in & could only sit really forward so my forehead hit the windshield, or lay down on the seat under the rails!! Bill took pix of my contortions (nice sense of humor huh??) with his cell phone & I'm waiting for him to send them so y'all can have a laugh at my expense!!

The 1st pix is the new bridge...just assembled, gotta concrete it in yet (hurricane stability). The 2nd pix is what I call "the back 40"...I haven't cleaned it out back there since my mom died, so it's a REAL jungle!! I have concrete paths through there just like in pix 3, it's just too overgrown (with lotsa wildlife happily living there) to see. That's the next thing on the agenda...

[Summering]

Oh that is the most beautiful little bridge I have ever seen.......really......It is gorgeous.
However, I would stop at the other side,..... because ........just WHAT is in THERE?
A snake ? An Alligator?....
I guess I would just stand in the middle and look about..........
I love the design on the edges....
I do want to see those car pictures, I am laughing just thinking about it ~~~~~~~~~~~

[Jungle George]

Originally Posted by Summering

Oh that is the most beautiful little bridge I have ever seen.......really......It is gorgeous.
However, I would stop at the other side,..... because ........just WHAT is in THERE?
A snake ? An Alligator?....
I guess I would just stand in the middle and look about..........
I love the design on the edges....
I do want to see those car pictures, I am laughing just thinking about it ~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks Mrs. Summering!! Down here with our humidity, steel rusts away fast & wood rots away fast, so aluminum's the way to go (as long as I don't stand on it during one of our thunderstorms!!)

No alligators, but yes, we've got black snakes (which keep away poisonous ones), & also opossums, armadillos, raccoons, iguanas, rabbits, tortoises, bats, herons, ibis, multiple varieties of tropical birds nesting in the jungle & a beautiful red fox!! The raccoon's eaten all the fish in the stream/pond, so after I clean it out for the season, it's time to re-stock.

I like the idea that my yard's a refuge for the wildlife in the middle of "suburbia" & I'd never kill or chase away any of them!!

Bill was up all night with his back pain, so he's sleeping now while I work. I'll post the funny pix later....