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I discipline my children. In fact, I always hear how respectful and well behaved they are - especially considering their ages. Oh and I do NOT allow others to hit my children and we do not hit them either.
You don't have to hit a child in order to foster respect.
I agree. But I also think people owe their children respect and trust. I wouldn't like it if someone jumped to a bad conclusion about me and I wouldn't do it to my kid.
You would accept "I don't know" for an answer if you asked him how someone's wallet - someone whose presence he was in every day and stated that the wallet was stolen previously - ended up hidden in his dresser drawer / closet?
I know what you are saying. My brother was accused of taking a camera years ago, and later it was discovered that the camera had been put in a closet and a coat fell on it....yes, I totally understand what you're saying...but just like my mom didn't buy "I don't know" when it came to explaining the presence of lifesavers in my pocket, this mom should not have bought "I don't know" in the explanation of why an adult's stolen personal belongings ended up in his bedroom.
IT only made sense that HE took it or he knew who did and he should have been punished for either being the thief or for hiding the fact that he knew about it and was hiding it for the real thief.
I can only wonder how many other "benefits of the doubt" this kid was given before finally ending up in jail for much more serious crimes......he probably didn't do the theft, breaking and entering, and assault either - he just HAPPENED to be there, he can't explain it..."I don't know how I ended up here, sir! I don't know how you think I did this..."
He was actually SMUG with me when I questioned him myself after the wallet (empty of all cash of course) was returned. He smiled at me and said "I don't know, someone must have put it there!"
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Originally Posted by johnqpublic When I was I was about 5 yrs. old I nabbed a candy bar from the corner store...I was marched right back there and made to tell what I did and apologize.. I can still remember it vividly.. and a lesson learned I never forgot...but those were simpler days , when a neighbor would just as soon as see you do something wrong and give you a crack... then you would be too scared to tell your parents for fear of getting another one...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25
Yeah the good ole days where anyone Tom, Rick or Harry could smack your kid. Yep. The good ole days.
Back in the 'good ole days' neighbors did give us a pat on the butt if we were out of line. Go ahead, do the sarcastic eye roll... You are not understanding the point that was being made, yet again.
Things were very different then, children respected their elders and if they were out of line they were quickly put back in it. That is another problem with society as a whole - children lack respect. You say yours have it - good for you. Now they do... Down the road this might change. Take it FWIW
Originally Posted by Magritte25 Yeah the good ole days where anyone Tom, Rick or Harry could smack your kid. Yep. The good ole days.
Yes they were,there was no such thing as a "time out" you messed up, you got smacked and grounded .
The teachers used paddles, the principal used paddles and the kids were well mannered and respectful. not like today... too many liberal parents...take a look at todays youth as a whole..do you hear yes sir , no ma'am please or thank you with any frequency any more? when is the last time a tween or teen held the door open for you? been flipped off by a teen ?
cursed? My formative years it was unheard of..
I know I will catch H### over this statement , but spare the rod, spoil the child!!!
And Magritte, before you get your shorts in a bunch, I am not advocating child abuse, but I do recommend a good swat on the butt of an unruly /discipline problem child!!
It didnt send me or any one of my friends to counciling in our later years!!!
Teachers in our school systems have it tough because many parents arent parenting, they want to be their childs "friend" it doesnt work that way
You would accept "I don't know" for an answer if you asked him how someone's wallet - someone whose presence he was in every day and stated that the wallet was stolen previously - ended up hidden in his dresser drawer / closet?
I know what you are saying. My brother was accused of taking a camera years ago, and later it was discovered that the camera had been put in a closet and a coat fell on it....yes, I totally understand what you're saying...but just like my mom didn't buy "I don't know" when it came to explaining the presence of lifesavers in my pocket, this mom should not have bought "I don't know" in the explanation of why an adult's stolen personal belongings ended up in his bedroom.
IT only made sense that HE took it or he knew who did and he should have been punished for either being the thief or for hiding the fact that he knew about it and was hiding it for the real thief.
I can only wonder how many other "benefits of the doubt" this kid was given before finally ending up in jail for much more serious crimes......he probably didn't do the theft, breaking and entering, and assault either - he just HAPPENED to be there, he can't explain it..."I don't know how I ended up here, sir! I don't know how you think I did this..."
He was actually SMUG with me when I questioned him myself after the wallet (empty of all cash of course) was returned. He smiled at me and said "I don't know, someone must have put it there!"
I'm just saying that is not totally out of the realm of possibilty that a "friend" would throw something like that in your kid's closet and the kid not even knowing.
This is all in terms of whether the kid was usually a good kid, kwim?
Quote:
Originally Posted by johnqpublic When I was I was about 5 yrs. old I nabbed a candy bar from the corner store...I was marched right back there and made to tell what I did and apologize.. I can still remember it vividly.. and a lesson learned I never forgot...but those were simpler days , when a neighbor would just as soon as see you do something wrong and give you a crack... then you would be too scared to tell your parents for fear of getting another one...
Back in the 'good ole days' neighbors did give us a pat on the butt if we were out of line. Go ahead, do the sarcastic eye roll... You are not understanding the point that was being made, yet again.
Things were very different then, children respected their elders and if they were out of line they were quickly put back in it. That is another problem with society as a whole - children lack respect. You say yours have it - good for you. Now they do... Down the road this might change. Take it FWIW
No, I don't think so. My parents raised us without slapping us around. As a matter of fact, one of my teachers hit me in school and my mother had a note saying that teachers were NOT to hit us. I called her from school and she came and picked me up and had a meeting with the teacher.
Children do not lack respect. But then again, I'm not from the "children should be seen and not heard" school of thought.
I understand PERFECTLY what johnqpublic is saying. Disagreement does not equate to misunderstanding.
I wouldn't dare hit someone else's child. That is way over the line.
Originally Posted by Magritte25 Yeah the good ole days where anyone Tom, Rick or Harry could smack your kid. Yep. The good ole days.
Yes they were,there was no such thing as a "time out" you messed up, you got smacked and grounded . The teachers used paddles, the principal used paddles and the kids were well mannered and respectful. not like today... too many liberal parents...take a look at todays youth as a whole..do you hear yes sir , no ma'am please or thank you with any frequency any more? when is the last time a tween or teen held the door open for you? been flipped off by a teen ? cursed? My formative years it was unheard of.. I know I will catch H### over this statement , but spare the rod, spoil the child!!! And Magritte, before you get your shorts in a bunch, I am not advocating child abuse, but I do recommend a good swat on the butt of an unruly /discipline problem child!! It didnt send me or any one of my friends to counciling in our later years!!! Teachers in our school systems have it tough because many parents arent parenting, they want to be their childs "friend" it doesnt work that way
So the veneer of respect is what we are after? Not me. As a matter of fact, there have been *countless* studies done on teenagers in the past twenty years and all of these studies show that TODAY'S teens are much more community minded and service oriented than those of previous generations. Today's teens do more volunteer work and are more apt to give of themselves.
Maybe they don't say "ma'am" or "sir". Big deal. Actions speak louder than words.
And since the dawn of time the elders have said how much worse the younger generation was.....
"...she would not punish him or even make him apologize..." That is just wrong. No one wants to hear or learn something like that about their child, but it has to be dealt with and the sooner the better. Sometimes kids from "good homes", the families who eat dinner together, got to church, volunteer and so on, don't turn out well either. My friend is going through a terrible time with her young adult son. Being held accountable for one's actions at an early age is a good life lesson. Sadly, some people don't seem to learn from their mistakes.
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Originally Posted by KarenRice
This situation happened to me about 10 years ago. My wallet was stolen from my place of work...I worked with school age children. I asked all the kids (5 - 9 year olds) to look for it. I promised a reward to anyone who returned it. I even said I wouldn't ask any questions. No luck.
A few weeks later I got the call from his mom, she had found it in his bedroom. I can't remember if it was in his closet or in his dresser. I was astonished to find that she would not punish him or even make him apologize...nothing...because he wouldn't admit to taking it. !!!
What prompted this discussion is now, 10 years later, I see that this "kid" was arrested and found guilty of...breaking and entering...and assault.
As a matter of fact, there have been *countless* studies done on teenagers in the past twenty years and all of these studies show that TODAY'S teens are much more community minded and service oriented than those of previous generations. Please post a link to that info, Also any teachers on this board? iI would be interested in their take... My kids dont have a veneer, its the real deal...unlike many of their schoolmates...
Yeah the good ole days where anyone Tom, Rick or Harry could smack your kid. Yep. The good ole days.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25
No, I don't think so. My parents raised us without slapping us around. As a matter of fact, one of my teachers hit me in school and my mother had a note saying that teachers were NOT to hit us. I called her from school and she came and picked me up and had a meeting with the teacher.
Children do not lack respect. But then again, I'm not from the "children should be seen and not heard" school of thought.
I understand PERFECTLY what johnqpublic is saying. Disagreement does not equate to misunderstanding.
I wouldn't dare hit someone else's child. That is way over the line.
Again, missing point. My parents didn't 'slap' us around either. It was a matter of discipline if we were out of line. Here's an easier way to sum it up - think of the criminals in court, do you just have a nice talk with them or do you punish them?
I am not of the 'children should be seen and not heard' school of thought either but I do prefer them to have manners AND respect.
I went to private school where the nuns DID believe in corporal punishment. We learned the rules and respect just the same. We also learned the difference of right or wrong. Again, back in the day, that's how it was. Obviously you and I are in different age brackets.
Today's teens volunteering however, commenting on your other post - sure some do. I see many 'volunteer' doing community service! Some actually DO volunteer but...
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