People are miserable in Northern Virginia (Lynchburg, Reston: renting, HOA, month-to-month)

[Flamingo13]

Originally Posted by airjay75

I agree that transplants lack existing friends and family, but I have also personally found that the people in places with a lot of transplants tend to be much friendlier than places without a lot of transplants. I have found that when you are a transplant in an area where there aren't a lot of transplants, most people aren't interested in making friends - they already have their network of friends and family, so why look for new ones. The Philadelphia area, for example, was very much like that in my experience. I have found the DC area to stand in stark contrast to that - many transplants and many people looking to find new friends. In my experience, I've almost had more people than I really wanted looking to be friends. The one counterweight to that in NoVA is that it does seem that many people view themselves as only being here for a time, and many seem to be looking to find an exit path out of the area to "sunnier pastures." That can create a bit of a "why bother making friends" mentality.

I do agree with you on the age thing, however, and I think that is also something that is generally true anywhere you go - the older people get, the less they really look for new friends. And, to me, that sort of makes sense - presumably, the older you are, the more of your life you have spent building your family and network of friends, so you're probably less likely to be looking for new friends.

Great post, thanks!! That's my worry now, have to move somewhere but concerned about being by myself and not knowing anyone where I may (well, will have to) relocate to.

[airjay75]

Originally Posted by lovnova

I don't think its that hard to tell if people are not friendly or not. No need to have to compare to any other places.

But since you asked, where I live now is a very friendly place. People for the most part are polite and respectful. Even to a stranger. My wife and I still talk about the obvious differences.

Well, in my experience, there can be quite a range of friendliness. I would characterize someone who says hello as you walk by in the neighborhood as friendly. I would also characterize someone who strikes up a conversation and invites you over for dinner as friendly. But, the degree of friendliness in either situation is markedly different.

If you don't have a point of comparison, I'm not sure your opinion has much value. It is great if you now live somewhere you find to be a very friendly place and I certainly hope you and you wife continue to enjoy it. If you're happy, I think that's fantastic. But, for someone who lives in NoVA or is considering a move to NoVA, it's really of no value unless we know more about what forms the basis of your opinion. Saying you find NoVA unfriendly and your new location friendly is sort of like saying restaurant X is good but restaurant Y is bad - well, that may well be the case for you personally, but unless I know what forms the basis of your opinion about restaurant X and restaurant Y, I don't really have any idea whether your perspective is of any value to me.

[Old Guard]

I find a lot of people who complain about how unfriendly other people are to usually not be very friendly themselves. Many people expect certain actions from others but for some reason feel they are above THE VERY SAME ACTIONS. Some people make anti-social life choices and think you are unfriendly because you do not wish to hang out with them. Some people are self involved and I feel it a chore to be around them for long periods even if I do enjoy them overall.

A smile, a willingness to fit in, some manners or even common courtesy go a long way. Yet there are a lot of people who do not use these simple tools.

[lovnova]

Originally Posted by airjay75

Well, in my experience, there can be quite a range of friendliness. I would characterize someone who says hello as you walk by in the neighborhood as friendly. I would also characterize someone who strikes up a conversation and invites you over for dinner as friendly. But, the degree of friendliness in either situation is markedly different.

If you don't have a point of comparison, I'm not sure your opinion has much value. It is great if you now live somewhere you find to be a very friendly place and I certainly hope you and you wife continue to enjoy it. If you're happy, I think that's fantastic. But, for someone who lives in NoVA or is considering a move to NoVA, it's really of no value unless we know more about what forms the basis of your opinion. Saying you find NoVA unfriendly and your new location friendly is sort of like saying restaurant X is good but restaurant Y is bad - well, that may well be the case for you personally, but unless I know what forms the basis of your opinion about restaurant X and restaurant Y, I don't really have any idea whether your perspective is of any value to me.

We're not analyzing DNA here.

Are we now talking about a range or degree of friendliness? How about back to just friendly or not friendly?

I have no idea if people are more or less friendly in other places. I do know that in general people in NOVA are not friendly. Not all, but most.
What if I was to say- the traffic is bad in NOVA or schools in NOVA are good or NOVA has a very good job market or housing is expensive in NOVA. Would you need me to provide a point of comparison to accept my opinion?
Sorry if I'm wrong, but I think you don't like my opinion and you are scratching to find some way to discredit what I said. I accept your opinion.

[airjay75]

Originally Posted by lovnova

We're not analyzing DNA here.

Are we now talking about a range or degree of friendliness? How about back to just friendly or not friendly?

I have no idea if people are more or less friendly in other places. I do know that in general people in NOVA are not friendly. Not all, but most.
What if I was to say- the traffic is bad in NOVA or schools in NOVA are good or NOVA has a very good job market or housing is expensive in NOVA. Would you need me to provide a point of comparison to accept my opinion?
Sorry if I'm wrong, but I think you don't like my opinion and you are scratching to find some way to discredit what I said. I accept your opinion.

And I also accept your opinion. I am merely pointing out that if you don't provide the basis of your opinion, i.e. the premise that forms the basis of your conclusion, it's of no value to people reading your posts. And, of course, it is fully your right to post on this forum in a manner that is useful to no one but yourself.

Regarding traffic, schools, cost of livinig, etc. - my response would be the same. Bad traffic compared to where? Good schools compared to where? Expensive compared to where? Depending on the area to which you are comparing, one's perspective can change drastically. Compared to some of the other major metropolitan areas in which I have lived, I don't actually find the traffic all that bad here, I find the cost of living to be, with the exception of housing, cheaper than the other places I've lived, and the particular schools in my neighborhood actually seem to be of worse quality than some of the previous places I've lived. But, again, my perspective is formed from living previously in suburban Philadelphia and, before that, the SF Bay Area and San Diego before that. If I compare to a suburb in Ohio or small towns in Illinois or Montana where I lived before San Diego, my perspective is much different.

[gomason]

People really over generalize cities in general.

The friendliest bar I have ever been to and my favorite one in the world is in New York City. Yes, the infamous New York where everyone is supposedly "stuck-up unfriendly snobs."

For every stuck-up, name-dropping snob in DC, there are three or four normal down-to-earth people I actually like from my experience.

[harrisce4]

Originally Posted by VRE332

I recently left the DC area for work, and came back to notice a huge difference in people. We are very miserable here in this town. I cannot believe I am still living here. Seriously I don't care about your status or what you do. Outside of work, we're all the same.

Where did you go for work? Sometimes, when you are on vacation everyone seems like they are happy and loving life (because YOU are on vacation and happy and loving life). Sometimes the grass is greener. Trust me, I thought everyone living in NYC was happy and loved their life when visiting, and now I see a much different picture after living here 3 years.

Just wanted to call that out to you because you didn't seem to notice it until you left the area then came back. So where did you go and what was it like? Just curious.

[airjay75]

Originally Posted by gomason

People really over generalize cities in general.

Great point. And, even though I have been advocating in my last few posts for people to provide their points of comparison when expressing their opinion about NoVA, it's important to note that one person's experience in a particular city can be very different from another person's experience. No city or area is completely homogenous - there are going to be many people with varying experiences that are only partly dependent upon the place in which they live.

[lovnova]

Originally Posted by airjay75

It is great if you now live somewhere you find to be a very friendly place and I certainly hope you and you wife continue to enjoy it. If you're happy, I think that's fantastic.

Thank you!

[HokieFan]

Originally Posted by airjay75

No city or area is completely homogeneous - there are going to be many people with varying experiences that are only partly dependent upon the place in which they live.

That sums it up perfectly.

Boom. Drop the mic. Close the thread.