Recommendations/suggestions on where in NOVA are good places for the straight male love-shy to find nice girls? (suite, dating)

[Phoenix2017]

Originally Posted by Tone509

I suspect that the OP is looking for more substance than that...

Lol...in truth, I'm really just looking "Ms. Right". While I am reasonably and modestly well-to-do both professionally and financially, ideally I would hope that she'd care about more than just my financial status.

[Phoenix2017]

Originally Posted by treebw

Knight, If you are that introverted and shy, how do you even get to date one? I find it hard to believe that an intorvert will date a lot (having numerous 1st and 2nd dates seems to be dating a lot, to me).

Finding dates, while challenging as an introvert, has happened for me, just not quite as often as I'd like (averaging about 4 per year if fortunate enough to). Plus if all else fails, I'm still subscribed to a pay-based traditional (not online) matchmaking agency that provides matches regularly based on compatibility and personality.

Originally Posted by treebw

You know what you should do?? I have seen some sort of TV show where they take you on a date and film everything and a 'date expert' tells you what you need to do differently.

A great suggestion...yes I am also receiving help since a few months ago from a dating coach / expert as well. Their feedback has been extremely valuable so far.

Originally Posted by treebw

See, I have the opposite problem...I never get asked out on dates, but when I chance upon someone that I end up on a date with it turns serious after the 1st date. Which can be just as bad.

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I think I can understand how that can be challenging...but remember though when you find the one who's right for you, it sounds like you'll be in a very good position!

[Yankeesfan]

Honestly not trying to be snarky here, I'm being sincere -- are there actually a substantial number of women who play Dungeons and Dragons, or is joining that kind of group going to just draw you further away from social situations where you'd be mingling with and getting to know women?

[Phoenix2017]

I could try...although my family has been very vocal that they consider me to be a total failure romantically, and have made some very cruel statements in the past to the effect of "no one will ever want to marry you ever", so I tend to not talk with them much about potential love interests. My only close friend has repeatedly (incorrectly) implied I was gay, or at best asexual, when I tried to talk to him about it. But my dating coach has been very helpful in providing constructive feedback to me on ways that I can improve.

Originally Posted by Yankeesfan

One of the advice columnists, Ann Landers or Dear Abby, advised someone in the situation to ask a couple of close friends or relatives to be very, very honest about what seem to be the problems. Of course that only works if the person asking the question is willing to hear the answer and not hold a grudge. I know a few people who could benefit from this approach but they would be furious if their friends opened up and told them.

[Phoenix2017]

Regrettably, I'm allergic to dogs and cats (also pretty much any animal with hair). But thank you for the suggestion!

Originally Posted by Denton56

Do you like dogs? Volunteer to work with a rescue group or at the animal shelter. Better yet, get a dog through a rescue group. Then go to dog parks and other places with dog owners. They are usually a very friendly group.

[Phoenix2017]

Totally agreed -- I am certainly interested in attending church for genuine worship purposes. It's definitely not a thing for me about just going to meet girls or talk to people (although admittedly, it can also be a nice added benefit if it were to occur). I completely agree that the primary purpose above all to attend church is to worship God.

Originally Posted by dkf747

I was also "love-shy" back in my youth. Met my wife in church. The thing about church though, is that I went there to find God, not dates. If I were only there for dates I would have struck out. The women I met, and later married, was there for the same reason. We became good friends immediately because of our common desire for God. I think it's the same for anything else you do, or social gathering you go to. If you're just there for dates the women will figure it out and run. In other words, don't get involved in something with the objective to get a date. Do something you like, or consider important (like going to church was, and still is, for me). You will end up meeting women and maybe one of them will lead to something great. That's how I overcame my shyness.

[Phoenix2017]

Thanks for the comments, I definitely understand what you mean about not giving up. As an introverted personality, I have found 2 dates so far via traditional matchmaking agencies (to a certain degree of course), for meeting people that I wouldn't necessarily have met on my own randomly. Ultimately those dates didn't work out in the end though, but I haven't given up by any means. Since I signed up some months ago, so I'll have to see how that goes over time to give a final verdict on it.

Originally Posted by bangorme

Well first of all, the adage about there being a women/man for everyone is true. The women that are looking for the biggest dog in the pack are not going to be attracted to you, they will be busy chasing after Tiger lol They will live unhappy lives while their big dog keeps being chased and caught.

You need to go where you are comfortable because the ladies that find that place comfortable will be there too. This whole dating thing is a probability issue, you can't rush it or judge success/failure by single events (just because you flip heads 10 times in a row doesn't mean there isn't a tails). It's too depressing. Just keep associating with nice women and eventually someone will click.

Good luck.

[CAVA1990]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

I could try...although my family has been very vocal that they consider me to be a total failure romantically, and have made some very cruel statements in the past to the effect of "no one will ever want to marry you ever",

Did they give you any specific reasons for this statement?

[CAVA1990]

Is it possible you also have narcissistic personality disorder?

[Phoenix2017]

I seriously doubt it...I would certainly hope not?

I don't meet most of the criteria according to wikipedia page on it? I am essentially the polar opposite personality-wise of listed items below #4-9, and especially #6-9. Behaving in an arrogant, jealous, exploitative, uncaring/unemphatic manner toward others would be unthinkable and anathema for me...I'd feel too guilty about myself if I did that to others. Personally, I would think social-avoidant is much closer to my basic personality than narcissistic.

Narcissistic personality disorder

...

Diagnostic criteria (DSM-IV-TR = 301.81)
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:[1]



A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Originally Posted by CAVA1990

Is it possible you also have narcissistic personality disorder?