Joke & Humor Thread Official (Hawaii, driver, house, daughter)
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In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summer suits. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a French hotel:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
In a Bundapest zoo:
Please do not feed animals. If you have any food, give it to the guard on duty.
Mon. classified. For Sale: - W.A. Harris has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 565-0747 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. O'Hara who lives with him cheap.
Tues. NOTICE - We regret having erred in W.A. Harris's ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 565-0747 and ask for Mrs. O'Hara who lives with him after 7 p.m.
Wed. NOTICE – W.A. Harris has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in his classified ad yesterday. His ad stands corrected as follows: FOR SALE – W.A. Harris has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 565-0747 and ask for Mrs. O'Hara who loves with him.
Thurs. NOTICE - I, W.A. Harris, have NO sewing machine for sale. I SMASHED IT. Don't call 565-0747, as the telephone has been disconnected. I have NOT been carrying on with Mrs. O'Hara. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit.
Manager (to employee): I work hard, you know....
Employee: Sure, do you work hard or hardly work? Just kidding....
(The employee is still working, the manager got fired)
Last edited by Fresh.Oxygen.1; 02-20-2009 at 08:43 AM..
first woman gets on and the elevator operator sniffs wonderfully and she says.....Shalimar $85 an once.
Second woman gets on and again he is in wonder sniffing and she says.......chanel $45 an once.
Third woman get on and he is not too happy with the sniffing and she says.......broccoli 45 cents a pound.
A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for a bout 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun was loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'
Location: Oklahoma(formerly SoCalif) Originally Mich,
13,387 posts, read 19,458,469 times
Reputation: 4611
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gue
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for a bout 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun was loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'
MORAL:
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them
I heard that one, but it was a news article. We better listen to what's they say.
They can't shut their mouths long enough to build up any pressure! lol
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Classic Newspaper Misprint(s)... simply hilarious !
TFL !
We better listen to what's they say.