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Location: Oklahoma(formerly SoCalif) Originally Mich,
13,387 posts, read 19,421,922 times
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PHONE REPAIR
Lawrence, Kansas, December 12, 2008
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called -
and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4.. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station,
and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill
and bought a soft drink.
He stood by his car to drink his cola
and he watched a couple of men working
along the roadside.
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep
and then move on.
The other man came along behind him, and then
filled in the hole.
While one was digging a new hole, the other was
25 feet behind filling in the old.
The men worked right past the fellow with the soft
drink and went on down the road.
"I can't stand this,"
said the man tossing the can into a trash container
and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men.
"Can you tell me what's going on here with
this digging?"
"Well, we work for the guv-mint,"
one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other
fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything.
Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"
"You don't understand, mister,"
one of the men said, leaning on his shovel
and wiping his brow.
Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney, and Mike.
I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike, here,
puts the dirt back.
Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean
that Mike and me can't do our work."
A young guy moves from Edmonton to Vancouver and
goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager says, " Do you have any sales
experience?"
The young fella says " Yeah, I was a salesman back
home." Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the
job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close
and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got
through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?" The kid says "One."
The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20
or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.64."
The boss says "$101,237.64?? What did you sell him?"
The kid says "First I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger
fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him
where he was going fishing, and he said down the
coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went
to the boat department, and I sold him that twin-engine Chris
Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda
Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the
automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."
The boss said, "A guy comes in here to buy a fish
hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?"
"No" says the kid, " he came in for a box of tampons
for his wife and I said, " Well, since your weekend's shot,
you might as well go fishing."
( last night's bright,full moon reminded me of a very old joke)
Teacher asked the class which is of more importance------sun or moon
All the kids said--" sun" --except little Johnny who said--"moon"
When asked wgy Johnny replied--" the moon sometimes is shining at night and gives us light. The sun only shines in the daytime when it's already light out "
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. He notices that there is no one else there except the bartender.
After a few minutes, he hears someone say "Hey man, that is a nice jacket." He had a hard day at work and figures he is probbly just imgaining things.
Another few minutes later, he hears "I like your tie." He starts to scratch his head and wonder what is going on.
Then he hears "Hey, you have a nice build. Do you work out?" Now, he is starting to freak. He calls the bartender down and says "Hey bub, what gives? I keep hearing someone making nice comments about how I look. Am I on Candid Camera?"
The bartender looks at him and says "Oh, don't worry about that. This is happy hour and they are complimentary" while pointing at the nearby bowl of peanuts.
We just found out the REAL reason Obama won the election, ?????
All the schizophrenics got to vote TWICE !!
Sorry it was so bad, I made that one up myself !!!
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