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This is similar to the way it works in our house, though the kids are a bit big for a smack on the butt. If I ask them to pick something up twice and they don't, they obviously don't want the item anymore. Most of the time, I don't want the item either, and into the rectangular file (aka garbage can) it goes. You don't take care of your things, you lose 'em!
And if my 21-year-old was living at home, either his/her room would be tidy or she'd be finding a new place to live. Clothes all over the floor? At 21? Seriously?? My 7-year-old occasionally does this; my 9-year-old never does. They both know better.
One of my 8 year olds told me "I don't want to" when I asked her to empty the dishwasher.
"Fine" i said, "I'm thinking that around 5:30 I'm not going to want to make you any supper." She ignored me and at 5:30 she asked me what was for supper.
I told her "I didn't want to make your supper so I guess you'll go to bed hungry unless you eat grapes and cheese you can find yourself in the fridge"
And that is what she did after she cried and fumed. Then she emptied the dishwasher and I haven't heard "I don't want to" again. Works for me.
No-just a phase of life where kids are learning to be who they REALLY are. Sometimes you have to let them make their own mistakes and sometimes you have to save them from themselves. The real art of parenthood is learning how to tell the difference.
I was just saying that teenager or not, my children would be expected to behave in certain ways, period. Keeping the room clean would still apply, even at that age. They can "discover who they REALLY are" in a clean room too. It's that simple.
I was just saying that teenager or not, my children would be expected to behave in certain ways, period. Keeping the room clean would still apply, even at that age. They can "discover who they REALLY are" in a clean room too. It's that simple.
When your kids get older they do not always conform to all of your preset expectations like they do when they are little. You can't just "expect" something and poof have it happen with a teenager.
Sometimes they add their own expectations. My oldest son wants to be a Naval officer (he is very tidy). That was not on my list of preset expectations for him. But at 16 he has his own agenda.
When your kids get older they do not always conform to all of your preset expectations like they do when they are little. You can't just "expect" something and poof have it happen with a teenager.
Sometimes they add their own expectations. My oldest son wants to be a Naval officer (he is very tidy). That was not on my list of preset expectations for him. But at 16 he has his own agenda.
If the expectation doesn't happen "poof"!!, it will happen some other way.
Trust me, my teenagers' rooms will be clean, just like my 5 yo's room is clean now. He makes his own bed in the morning and often does his own vacuuming on Saturdays. He finds it fun and now asks for it.
There's nothing wrong with children exercising their discretion about behavior, as long as they understand the difference between "want to" and "need to". Why didn't you color the bunnies brown? I didn't want to.
The response "I didn't need to", though, can also be justified, and it is a good idea to listen to the explanation if a child says he didn't need to. It might be a good one, taking into account information that you don't know about yet.
If the expectation doesn't happen "poof"!!, it will happen some other way.
Trust me, my teenagers' rooms will be clean, just like my 5 yo's room is clean now. He makes his own bed in the morning and often does his own vacuuming on Saturdays. He finds it fun and now asks for it.
There will simply be no other way.
My kids rooms actually are pretty clean. My comments don't necessarily relate to clean rooms but are intended to be more general in nature.
I assure you that your 5 year old is more compliant than he will be when he is 15. That's not to say your child will be a brat at age 15. My kids are really good kids, they volunteer in the community, get good grades are respectful, etc...But there are lots of things they did automatically when they were 5 that I have to ask them to do now.
One of my 8 year olds told me "I don't want to" when I asked her to empty the dishwasher.
"Fine" i said, "I'm thinking that around 5:30 I'm not going to want to make you any supper." She ignored me and at 5:30 she asked me what was for supper.
I told her "I didn't want to make your supper so I guess you'll go to bed hungry unless you eat grapes and cheese you can find yourself in the fridge"
And that is what she did after she cried and fumed. Then she emptied the dishwasher and I haven't heard "I don't want to" again. Works for me.
One of my 8 year olds told me "I don't want to" when I asked her to empty the dishwasher.
"Fine" i said, "I'm thinking that around 5:30 I'm not going to want to make you any supper." She ignored me and at 5:30 she asked me what was for supper.
I told her "I didn't want to make your supper so I guess you'll go to bed hungry unless you eat grapes and cheese you can find yourself in the fridge" And that is what she did after she cried and fumed. Then she emptied the dishwasher and I haven't heard "I don't want to" again. Works for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen
Did you end up making dinner?
I know you can read... She ate the grapes and cheese. No Kudzu made dinner for the REST of the family. The next time the child will know better than to protest. It is called a parent being a parent. Following through with what you say you are going to do.
I hate talking on the phone as well.
My mom tries to make me talk on the phone to places, yet I'm stubborn and will just not do it and she ends up calling for me or just calling herself.
I call if I NEED to.
I call work.
I called my college today.
I do it if I NEED to. My mom tries to make me call places even if I don't need to.
She'll want me to call to find directions or find out hours. That's something google can do and I don't have to waste minutes.
She'll want me to call my friends instead of text them to find something out.
She's been trying for years to change me on this... I don't think its ever going to work.
Do you realize how immature it is to need your mother make phone calls for you? You're an adult! You're really doing yourself a disservice by not trying to overcome your discomfort with making phone calls. Being able to talk to people on the phone is an important life skill. Your stubbornness could be your downfall. This is about maturing. Hopefully moving out on your own will help you because you'll be put in many positions where you will HAVE to call all sorts of people.
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My 7-year-old occasionally does this; my 9-year-old never does. They both know better.
