I'm an only child and want to move away, but mom's unhappy with it.. (babies, parents)
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Hello everyone.
Just looking for a bit of advice. I've been an "on again, off again" college student for nearly 6 years now. I've gotten Full Time jobs and have dropped out of college all together. Other times, I was able to take a few classes on the side. Once, I even moved out of town, about 600 miles away from home, and gained some aviation experience as a Flight Attendant (FA). Being an FA (with obviously flight benefits), I was able to create a schedule in which I could be at home a few weeks at a time. After the year-long stint as FA I returned home and enrolled back into college, full time. I am not at the end of my college career and will be graduating in May. I've made it known that I'd like to move out of state. In my small New England state, there is nothing for me. I am into aviation and our local airport (an hour drive away) is small.
I have an uncle in the DFW area and was able to visit him a few years ago. I fell in love with DFW and was amazed at what it has to offer for jobs, weather, prices (in comparing prices, you'd pay the same for a nice apartment in DFW as you would for a dump where I live).
Today, while having coffee with my mom and her long-time friend, she announced that I had plans to move after I graduate. She then began to cry.. I will be moving with my long-time girlfriend who is equally excited about the opportunities ahead. Her parents seem to be "ok" with the move. My mom wants us to move back home when the baby comes, but at 24 years old, a baby isn't even on the radar for us. How do I deal with this? I am excited about moving and bettering my life, but I don't want to leave my mom all sad. She is in a happy marriage with my father (who doesn't seem to know about the move), so its not like I am up and moving and leaving her all alone here. I will get an aviation job in the DFW area, so I'll still have flight benefits (but to her, that doesn't seem to matter). I am an only child which makes it even harder (for the record, so is my gf). Any thoughts or stories?
Thanks!
*please try to not say "its your life, do whatever, as I know that but it was very hard to see her cry today*
There aren't too many other options - your choices are live your life for yourself, or live your life for your mom. She should be putting your ambitions and happiness over her own as a parent, when you do eventually become a parent you will have greater understanding of that. She isn't going to stop wanting you to live close by any time soon, if at all. Is that a sacrifice you are willing to make in order to not see her cry? Unleas you'd like to invite her to also move to the DFW area with you?
Moms will be sad. Nothing you can do to change that. Is your mom trying to convince you to stay and using her tears and potential unhappiness to do that or is she just being sad? Big difference. If she is using tears and unhappiness to try to get you to stay, then I'd move as quick as possible unless you want her deciding your whole life for you from where you live to how many grandchildren you provide her. Notice I didn't say how many children you have but how many grandchildren you provide HER - if she is manipulative, then it's all about her. If she is just sad, give her a hug and tell her you'll miss her too but it will be fine.
As an additional benefit, both my parents will be provided with flight benefits as well, so both of them could fly for cheap/free (depending on the airline).
It is your life live it the way you want even though it is hard to see her cry.
Letting your babies go is the hardest thing for a mother to do. I still miss my boys every day and cried like a baby when they left. But it is what Mommies do. She will be fine. And so will you.
I have to commend you OP for being considerate of your mom's feelings. It's rare when you get someone like yourself who isn't itching to get away from their parents.
To make the move easier on her, include her in on the move. Maybe she can come and help you out while you settle in? Have her say goodbye to you in your new place instead of leaving from home. I think sometimes this helps and it makes her feel that she is still doing something for you. And once you are settled in, call her often and maybe surprise her on a random day out of the blue maybe three months from the move with a delivery of flowers, just to let her know your thinking of her.
I know it hurts and I speak from my husband's experience of leaving home and his mom, trust me those weren't the best of terms either.
I wish you all the best and much success in your endeavour and your mom will come around, maybe not today or tomorrow but soon enough...
Hello everyone.
In my small New England state, there is nothing for me. I am into aviation and our local airport (an hour drive away) is small.
*please try to not say "its your life, do whatever, as I know that but it was very hard to see her cry today*
Well, it is your life to live however you choose......but....I think family is what is most important in this life. You won't see your parents as much as you think you will....free flights or not. No one is getting any younger and life goes by so fast.
I live in CT and there are many airports around me....Logan, Bradley, Westchester, LGA and Kennedy. There are airports all over New England...couldn't you find a job at one that is within a car ride from your parents?
I treasure my time with my extended family...for me, it's all about the people in my life...not the things. I come from a large family and have a large family myself but if I had only 1 child and 1 grandchild I would probably follow them where ever they went!
your mom should not lay a guilt trip on you for wanting to better your life. tell her you will visit as often as possible and she can visit you anytime. if she can't get off her bum to come see you every now and again she really isn't missing you very much is she? there are telephones emails and on line chat so do your life your mom will adjust.
I'm guessing she is menapause age and we cry when a leaf falls much less when a kid leaves home.
Now if you were 56 and she was 82 then yeah I would have different advice for you but from the minute our kids are born we were doing everything to prepare them to leave the nest. If you don't do it at 24, it will get harder and harder.
And before you know it there will really be other considerations like the death of a parent or serious illness. GOOOOOOO live your life to the fullest. Your mom will be proud she has done her job so well. Remind her of that.
Go to DFW and do well. Somehow your uncle got down there a number of years ago. He seperated from the family and they all lived, you can too.
When my sister moved from our home state to this one, my mother didn't have too much of a problem, when I did, she didn't either. We're 800 miles away and have been for years. She drives out here every single year for the last 30 years for a visit and she's just turned 80. Her best friend lives 2,000 miles away from her, and they go back and forth as well every year, although they fly back and forth, not drive.
Where's there's a will, there's a way. Your mother will adjust, and if she doesn't make it to Texas, it's no one's fault but her own. As others have stated, if she is manipulating, she might not go to visit in the attempt to get you to move back.
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