My wife wants a 3rd child. I don't. (divorced, baby, pregnant)
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Hi,
My wife is desperate for a third child, she is in her late 30's and her biological clock is ticking loud. We have been together 8 years and already have 2 lovely children. The 1st has just started school and the 2nd is oh so close to being out of nappies.
I am in my early 40's and I love my kids and my wife but I just have no desire to have another child, in fact I just can't face the thought of doing all of that again when we are just reaching a stage where we can get some time on our own without the kids. My parents were at least 10 years younger than I am now at the time they had their third child and man, what a difference those years make!
However this issue is causing us some pretty major problems. It was probably the underlying issue for a pretty rough patch we went through last year. We had some counseling and we really managed to get to the root of some things and our relationship improved as a result. But part of the solution was not to take the baby issue off the agenda for 6 months. That really helped us get back on track as a couple but that time is well up now and the issue remains.
She is desperate to have another and I am desperate not too. Does anyone have any useful suggestions on a way forward.
Go get a vasectomy, after all it's your body. If she gets pregnant, it's her body and her choice. So make your choice for your body right now, before you no longer have one.
This is a really difficult situation. I had always wanted 2 kids but now I have 3 children. My 3rd is my surprise baby she is almost 11 months old. I love her so much and she has brought such joy to our lives but trust me 3 kids is a lot of work. My husband and I are very stressed and sleep deprived. My oldest is 7 and my other 2 are just 23 months apart.
I believe that you both should be in agreement in wanting to have another child. I think you should both sit down and have a serious discussion outlining what the pros and cons would be for each of you of having another child.
Go get a vasectomy, after all it's your body. If she gets pregnant, it's her body and her choice. So make your choice for your body right now, before you no longer have one.
What? So you are suggesting that he go behind his wife's back and have a vasectomy? I guess that's good advice if you want them to get divorced.
What? So you are suggesting that he go behind his wife's back and have a vasectomy? I guess that's good advice if you want them to get divorced.
I've thought about that but really that's not an option for the sake of our relationship. I kind of view that like her tricking me over contraception to get pregnant.
You can always NOT have a baby and wonder "what if" but once you have one, you can't put it back. I understand your wives desire to have another, but at the same time, she should feel grateful for the two she has and just be focusing her time on on them and you both as a couple. It isn't worth it to have a child that will dissolve the marriage because one person felt pressured to have a kid.
This is a really tough issue and I wish I had some advice for you. I was happy with 1, then I was happy with 2, then I was happy with 3. My wife wanted more, but I was just not willing to do it and her last two pregnancies had issues. She chose to get a tubal, but has had trouble dealing with that decision. It's funny because she is regretting not having more, but seems to fail to realize there wouldn't be anymore whether she got a tubal or not and I've pretty much told her that.
The best thing to do is simply talk it through and continue with your counseling. This doesn't have to be an issue that ends your marriage, but it is something you will always have to deal with, because chances are she will always regret not having more.
As the other poster said, it is as much your decision as it is hers. I would personally get the vesectomy and end the debate once and for all. Having children is something that both people must agree to and there is nothing worse than regretting the choice to have a child.
I'm sorry there are no easy solutions as when it comes down to it you are both being selfish. She wants more for her own satisfaction and you don't want more for your own satisfaction. One of you will "win", but you have to make sure that you both don't lose in the process.
I've thought about that but really that's not an option for the sake of our relationship. I kind of view that like her tricking me over contraception to get pregnant.
Please don't go that route. She would resent you forever.
Have you asked her exactly why she wants the third child? maybe she is just having baby fever and has kind of forgotten about the sleepless nights etc. Also she is in her late 30's so its going to be harder on her physically. I was only 34 when I gave birth to my third and almost a year later I am still exhausted.
Last edited by KylieEve; 09-22-2010 at 02:46 PM..
Reason: .
This is a really difficult situation. I had always wanted 2 kids but now I have 3 children. My 3rd is my surprise baby she is almost 11 months old. I love her so much and she has brought such joy to our lives but trust me 3 kids is a lot of work. My husband and I are very stressed and sleep deprived. My oldest is 7 and my other 2 are just 23 months apart.
I believe that you both should be in agreement in wanting to have another child. I think you should both sit down and have a serious discussion outlining what the pros and cons would be for each of you of having another child.
Thanks, yes I have 2 so I know what another child means. My wife is trying to paint a picture that I know is not the reality. Another child is a big deal, and stress and sleep deprivation I just don't want to do again.
Actually because i feel the way i do, I am really afraid of having a child and not wanting it and all the problems that could cause. I am a committed and good farther to our 2 and the thought of having a child (that I didn't want) just doesn't sit well with me. I can't imagine that being me.
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