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Any help or suggestions greatly appreciated here. Basically the story is this: my wife has been divorced from her ex since 1999 or early 2000. They have two kids together, and he's made a handful of child support payments, absolutely zero payments since 2004. He recently moved back to town and wants to visit the kids. My wife has allowed him to visit, but on her terms. So, no spending the night mostly, staying around town. He got his feathers ruffled yesterday when she would not allow the oldest to spend the night. He made a threat that he would use an alternate route to regain visitation.
We are aware that he has a legal right to visitation, but I would be shocked if he's stupid enough to take this to court. Basically my wife could pin him for current support and go after back payment. I have stayed out of this deal, but I don't like for someone to threaten us with legal action. So, I have encouraged her to retain an attorney and have him/her review their divorce decree and child support agreement.
A few other things-the ex won't get or keep a job, so that's been the crutch for the past five years. He has been largely been out of kids lives for the past ten years, other than an occasional phone call. It's only been the past year or so that he's popped into the picture.
Also, one last thing, I have no financial interest in this, i could give a squat about his money. I *think* he needs to help his boys out, especially as they grow up. So the money is the last thing i care about, just don't appreciate being threatened in my driveway from some bum that can't support his kids, let alone *attempt* to keep a job.
What your guys' take on this??
He can try to take you to court but they will slam him for all the back child support he owes. His license (if he even has one) will be suspended and they may even toss him in jail.
I wouldn't worry about this clod. He's in their lives at the moment. He'll probably drop out some time soon.
Just my 2 cents.......doesn't matter about how much money he owes. Do the kids want to see him? Their opinion is really the only one that matters.
I agree. Unless he poses some sort of danger to the kids why ban over night visits. He could not be all that dangerous as she lets him have solo time with the kids during the day.
IMHO, sound like your wife is making a power play to show her ex "who's the boss".
I can understand why she is mad at him but hopefully she can be a better person.
His lack of steady employment, refusal to support his family and indifference to his children all reflect on his character or lack of. I too would be hesitant to let my children spend the night with this irresponsible bum. He is lucky she allows them to see him. They sound old enough to know how things work and I doubt they would be swayed by a party night but I think she is in her right to curtail any over nights. He might be in drinking alot or drugs.
His lack of steady employment, refusal to support his family and indifference to his children all reflect on his character or lack of. I too would be hesitant to let my children spend the night with this irresponsible bum. He is lucky she allows them to see him. They sound old enough to know how things work and I doubt they would be swayed by a party night but I think she is in her right to curtail any over nights. He might be in drinking alot or drugs.
Those were not the facts given. And if he was I doubt he would just relegate those activities just to night time. I would not have my kids around him unsupervised at all if that was the case.
And as for his lack of character, that up to the kids to make up their own mind about him. I am glad my mother let me.
His lack of steady employment, refusal to support his family and indifference to his children all reflect on his character or lack of. I too would be hesitant to let my children spend the night with this irresponsible bum. He is lucky she allows them to see him. They sound old enough to know how things work and I doubt they would be swayed by a party night but I think she is in her right to curtail any over nights. He might be in drinking alot or drugs.
They are his kids too. It is not up to her, it is up to them.
One thing to consider is that the courts do not connect child support directly to visitation. His right to see the children according to the divorce decree cannot be withheld due to him not paying child support. Therefore if he chooses to take her to court regarding seeing his kids, she can be held in contempt for refusing to allow him whatever the decree states, whether or not he is current on child support.
If she has documentation to prove that he has not been using his visitation rights for lengths of time as stated, in conjunction with him not paying child support, she can take him to court to change visitation by showing his lack of interest or support in the children.
Or she can take him to court for not paying the child support. Two different matters.
Any help or suggestions greatly appreciated here. Basically the story is this: my wife has been divorced from her ex since 1999 or early 2000. They have two kids together, and he's made a handful of child support payments, absolutely zero payments since 2004. He recently moved back to town and wants to visit the kids. My wife has allowed him to visit, but on her terms. So, no spending the night mostly, staying around town. He got his feathers ruffled yesterday when she would not allow the oldest to spend the night. He made a threat that he would use an alternate route to regain visitation.
We are aware that he has a legal right to visitation, but I would be shocked if he's stupid enough to take this to court. Basically my wife could pin him for current support and go after back payment. I have stayed out of this deal, but I don't like for someone to threaten us with legal action. So, I have encouraged her to retain an attorney and have him/her review their divorce decree and child support agreement.
A few other things-the ex won't get or keep a job, so that's been the crutch for the past five years. He has been largely been out of kids lives for the past ten years, other than an occasional phone call. It's only been the past year or so that he's popped into the picture.
Also, one last thing, I have no financial interest in this, i could give a squat about his money. I *think* he needs to help his boys out, especially as they grow up. So the money is the last thing i care about, just don't appreciate being threatened in my driveway from some bum that can't support his kids, let alone *attempt* to keep a job.
What your guys' take on this??
Child Support and visitation are separate issues. A hearing on visitation is a hearing on visitation. If you want a hearing on CS then initiate one. Actually you can just go to the state for unpaid CS and they'll deal with it.
However, you need to consider:
1) It sounds as if you have lived without the CS for 6 years.
2) Dad moved back recently and has started a relationship with the kids - generally a good thing.
3) any attempt to mess with visitation over unpaid CS will blow up in your face. The kids will feel as if they are hostages and you will come across as petty. Do you really want them moving out when they can over this? Because they will.
4) depending on the state they can confiscate tax returns, garnish salary, or he could do jail time. Any of those will make you into an ogre.
5) When they become teenagers their voice matters where they live. So what happens if you force the issue and they move in with him? You then pay the CS and your wife is pissed at you. Plus, if he's a bum as you say then the CS will be pissed away. Is there a college fund?
6) Set up something he can afford. Even if it's inconsistant.
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