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My wife was born in australia and moved to L.A. in 2004. We met soon after. She did mention that at some point in the future she did want to go back home to australia. We got married in 2006 and she became pregnant last year. So we left the states and moved to australia. Now I am surrounded by her family and I am not sure I like it. Added to that, her father had 5 girls and I am sure he wanted a boy. Well when my wife was 20 weeks we got a gender scan and guess what we had? A boy. Now I feel like her father is going overboard. He is always over the house when I am at work (my wife is on maternity leave) and I feel like he feels like my son is his son. He even bought him a football jersey and said that my son is going to support his team....for life. What do I do? As the father, isnt my boy supposed to inherit his daddy's interests, to a point? your opinions please.
Wow, what haven't you changed recently? New country, new job, new child, new extended family members. I don't think I could put a coherent sentence together if I'd recently done all that.
My first comment would be to relax. Your son knows who his dad is. And your FIL can push any team he wants on your son. At some point your son will have his own tastes and opinions and nothing's going to change that. (My brother decided he was a Dallas Cowboys fan after being raised in a Redskins household. Thanks, Roger Staubach.)
What does your wife think? Your FIL may be providing the support she needs right now while you're at work. First time motherhood can be overwhelming and just having another adult to talk to can make a big difference. I'm sure it's tough having another man spend all that time with your son when you wish, I imagine, that it was you who had that much time.
I'd take a wait and see approach. If your FIL has always longed for a son, his excitement at having a grandson is understandable. That may/probably will wear off a bit. Elevating his involvement into an "issue" may not be necessary and can color your dealings with all your wife's relatives for years to come.
Good luck with all the changes in your life and congratulations on your son.
Wow, what haven't you changed recently? New country, new job, new child, new extended family members. I don't think I could put a coherent sentence together if I'd recently done all that.
My first comment would be to relax. Your son knows who his dad is. And your FIL can push any team he wants on your son. At some point your son will have his own tastes and opinions and nothing's going to change that. (My brother decided he was a Dallas Cowboys fan after being raised in a Redskins household. Thanks, Roger Staubach.)
What does your wife think? Your FIL may be providing the support she needs right now while you're at work. First time motherhood can be overwhelming and just having another adult to talk to can make a big difference. I'm sure it's tough having another man spend all that time with your son when you wish, I imagine, that it was you who had that much time.
I'd take a wait and see approach. If your FIL has always longed for a son, his excitement at having a grandson is understandable. That may/probably will wear off a bit. Elevating his involvement into an "issue" may not be necessary and can color your dealings with all your wife's relatives for years to come.
Good luck with all the changes in your life and congratulations on your son.
this is like one of the NICEST responses I have EVER seen on the internet! Thank you! Your take definitely puts things in perspective for me. You arer 100% correct, my wife DOES need the support while I am at work, and that is why i havent really bothered her too much over this.
I will definitely dwell on what you have said as I think its incredibly good advice. Thanks so much!
My wife was born in australia and moved to L.A. in 2004. We met soon after. She did mention that at some point in the future she did want to go back home to australia. We got married in 2006 and she became pregnant last year. So we left the states and moved to australia. Now I am surrounded by her family and I am not sure I like it. Added to that, her father had 5 girls and I am sure he wanted a boy. Well when my wife was 20 weeks we got a gender scan and guess what we had? A boy. Now I feel like her father is going overboard. He is always over the house when I am at work (my wife is on maternity leave) and I feel like he feels like my son is his son. He even bought him a football jersey and said that my son is going to support his team....for life. What do I do? As the father, isnt my boy supposed to inherit his daddy's interests, to a point? your opinions please.
Wow! You have been through a lot. Congratulations and good luck on the pregnancy. I hope your wife is feeling well and that the rest of her pregnancy goes well. Enjoy this special time together.
I think your FIL is just excited about the prospect of a grandson. New babies are exciting for everyone involved, especially grandparents. Add his excitement at a boy grandchild after 5 daughters.
He probably is going overboard. Just let him. A boy's relationship with his grandfather is special. It doesn't take the place of a boy's relationship with his father, it is IN ADDITION to that relationship. My sons are all very close with my father.
As far as interests......We are all Jets fans. All of us on both sides of the family. But my oldest child discovered football when Kurt Warner was with the St. Louis Rams and he started following the Rams. So your son will find his own interests, which may be fueled by you, FIL or some outside force that you cannot control.
Just have fun with your new baby and let your FIL have his fun.
Try not to let it bother you too much. We grandparents are strange creatures, but we mean well. Just let your wife know how you feel, so she can take that into consideration in her dealings with her father.
Let her regulate the frequency with her father, so you don't become the bad guy.
My wife was born in australia and moved to L.A. in 2004. We met soon after. She did mention that at some point in the future she did want to go back home to australia. We got married in 2006 and she became pregnant last year. So we left the states and moved to australia. Now I am surrounded by her family and I am not sure I like it. Added to that, her father had 5 girls and I am sure he wanted a boy. Well when my wife was 20 weeks we got a gender scan and guess what we had? A boy. Now I feel like her father is going overboard. He is always over the house when I am at work (my wife is on maternity leave) and I feel like he feels like my son is his son. He even bought him a football jersey and said that my son is going to support his team....for life. What do I do? As the father, isnt my boy supposed to inherit his daddy's interests, to a point? your opinions please.
I think you should be happy and you've probably got a great and free babysitter.
Your FIL probably missed his daughter while she lived in the United States since 2004!
That's a LONG TIME to go without seeing your adult children very often.
He's probably just excited to have her back in Australia and feels he has a lot of catching up to do!
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