Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have 2 kids from previous marriage - ages 9 &12. I have always gotten along with my ex (of 6 years) pretty well & we even caught up on the phone like old friends. Last weekend my ex calls ME & he was very chatty. All in the same converstaion he stated he could not pay half of my son braces payment like he had said he would because he is broke- then turned right around and said as he was dropping the kids off at his mom's house during his visitation to go out to the entertainment district for the night.
Well, something my head clicked and I wondered what kind of idiot I was even trying to extend my friendship to someone like this for all these years. I looked my husband (I'm remarried) & my baby and wondered why on earth he was ever tolerant of me chatting with my ex. I thought about how I would feel if he talked to one of his exes about anything not child related- and the truth is I would hate it.
So I told my ex firmly that I wanted NO contact with him unless it was 100% about the kids & only if absolutely needed. At the time he took it ok, but the following day unpromted he texted my husband and said "he was tired of me talking bad about him to our kids, called me some names,stated that he wished to speak to my husband so that maybe he could mediate & that I would be sorry". I have no idea what he is talking about. I have argueed with him, but never talked bad about him around the kids. My husband kindly refused and said that he was not a mediator and that all of this would resolve now that we plan to have no contact.
Well, I did not contact him or prompt it at all & 2 days later I get an email stating that he has contacted an attorney and warned that my "slander" must stop, that the braces are cosmetic & he is not paying, and that all correspondance should be directed to his attorney......which that part is fine with me.
My main question here is since this unexpected & will most likely resolve itself & no formal charges have been filed do my husband I have to hire legal representation? I have no problems with forwarding bills/correspondance to his attorney vs. him. Of course if we felt we needed defense we would- but at this point it is almost like my ex is just paying someone to handle his mail & emails.
Also on weekends that are his- he had been picking them up from us late on Fridays so that he could finish his work shift vs. picking them up from school like our decree states. Now he is holding us to every detail of the decree-so I do not feel we should be paying for afterschool care for his days. If he can't pick them up at the assigned time is he forfieting his visitation? My daughter is in a chior that sometimes sings on weekends. He agreeded to let her join & take her to events. So am I supposed notify his attorney about her performance dates or just take her out?
Confused, but I have a feeling this is a phase & going by the books won't last long since all visitation was at his convience before?? Advice?
I think the best advice anyone can give you is to contact legal representation. Any good attorney will give you a free consultation to discuss options and what may be going on. If he has lawyered up, it's in your best interest to do so as well.
So sorry you find yourself in this situation with your ex. It's been nearly 13 years since my divorce, both kids are emancipated and yet, I am still dealing with my ex's crap. I know how you feel right now.
Go ahead and contact a lawyer. They usually offer a free consultation. Hopefully your ex is just pissed and will drop all this shortly. If not, I would never go to court without a lawyer when the other party has one. Follow your decree to the letter for the time being. Document everything that occurs between you and your ex. Protect yourself.
I would send the attorney the afterschool bill and the list of choir events he needs to take her to. I bet the attorney is going to cost him more than the braces would.
You don't need a lawyer, if what you are telling us is true. According to your post, there is no slander. Slander is a verbal report, malicious, false, and defammatory.
You have to be 1) being intentional in your trash-talking 2) telling lies about him 3) trash-talking lies to him for the purpose of causing harm to his reputation.
It's up to him (and his lawyers) to prove that you are doing ALL THREE of these things to prove slander. Slander is very hard to prove, and an e-mail from your ex telling you to cease and decist means absolutely nothing.
Sounds to me like he is just trying to get out of his responsibility of paying for his part of the braces by trying to scare you.. LOL! I doubt he will win on that one if it goes to court. The judge will order him to pay his part and yes, he would have to PROVE you slandered him... One case having nothing to do with the other. Let him go at it....it'll be a real learning experience for him.
Update with this hot mess- I sent my first correspondance concerning the children via email to the attorney as my ex had requested. I attached the email from my ex that stated I should not contact via mail,text, phone call etc and that ALL correspondence should be via his attorney. This is what I get back from the attonerney-"You need to communicate with your ex concerning your children, I am not his answering service". umm sounds like attorney & client aren't exactly on the same page.
Not sure wether to communicate with ex and disobey his request or send communication to attorney as requested, relinquishing responsiblity if he does not relay this info to my ex.
My ex did call me at work the other day but was remind he should have his attorney call me and then got hung up on.
Aside from that all is wel l& peaceful. Kids doing great.
So how manipulative was he while you were married? Think hard.
Call the attorney and ask him if he is, indeed, representing your husband. It may be a big surprise to him that he is.
possible alternative scenarios:
1) one of the kids is playing mom against dad; hence making up stories or mistranslating them. Then dad took the blow-off as "evidence" this was the case.
2) Dad took the blow-off as "Mom is up to something" and this was a preemptive action.
Did you forward the lawyers email to him and just say "I TRIED now what?!"
Let his learning begin!!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
