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kids touch themselves all the time. I've heard people joke that their son was born holding his penis. Too funny.
As far as your daughter I think I would handle it the same way I did my son. Just ask why she is stradling the chair and that is not proper behavior to do in front of other people. "Some things which make us feel good are done in private."
Of course at her age she is unaware of exactly why she is doing it except that it feels good. I think alot of people have a double standard about masturbation. Ok for boys but don't even go there for girls.
Not saying you are like that but I can understand your concern.
kids touch themselves all the time. I've heard people joke that their son was born holding his penis. Too funny.
As far as your daughter I think I would handle it the same way I did my son. Just ask why she is stradling the chair and that is not proper behavior to do in front of other people. "Some things which make us feel good are done in private."
Of course at her age she is unaware of exactly why she is doing it except that it feels good. I think alot of people have a double standard about masturbation. Ok for boys but don't even go there for girls.
Not saying you are like that but I can understand your concern.
Yeah, I have no problem with it per se, but it is inappropriate in front of people. So I'm trying to get her to stop, but at the same time not make a big deal about it. So far the "not proper behavior" is having little effect.
Do you think she'll grow out of it (well for a while, anyway)? Unfortunately you're right, when a boy does it, people are proud/think it's funny - not so much for a girl.
I totally agree and am way uncomfortable with, but I guess I am really not sure how to handle it other than act like it's no big deal.
It is no big deal. Don't listen to other people who will now accuse you of being a freak because your son talks to you. Unless he is giving you a second by second run down it is normal.
None of this is any different than talking to a girl abour her period and boobs and the trillion other things to teach girls. People just want to act that way because "women don't know a mans body and they shouldn't discuss things with their Mom" All of it is crap.
My sons are better men than most men I have ever met and they didn't have a man in their life. They had a Mom who knew what a good man was and taught them how to be one, not one who ran away screaming because "Oh my God, my son has a penis and he wants to use it for other things than peeing!!!"
The absolute best thing for a parent is having such an open relationship and being able to talk. It is much better than secrets. Much, much better.
Can you ask his dad to talk to him about these things? If not, do you have a male friend that you can ask questions of and give your son real answers?
I agree with the other posters though. If he's open enough to ask you questions, that's good. But if he's giving you a 'play-by-play' a therapist may be in order.
Can you ask his dad to talk to him about these things? If not, do you have a male friend that you can ask questions of and give your son real answers?
I agree with the other posters though. If he's open enough to ask you questions, that's good. But if he's giving you a 'play-by-play' a therapist may be in order.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaykay
This is pretty much what I would say as well. Just make sure that whoever might be speaking with your son shares your values about sexual issues.
So you both believe that the boy should go to another male, not his parent, who he may not be comfortable with because his mother is aware the has *gasp* a penis?
That is boy talk.
Daughters, yeah, I can see since they are girls.....but boy's....no. don't think so.
Sorry, but that is how I feel. I can't even imagine talking to my mother about wet dreams and masturbation....
All that I figured out for myself with no adult help....plus I did have male friends......
That's where all the education comes from.
Moms and sons talking about masturbation just seems icky.... blech...
so who should these boys talk about masturbation with? She is a single Mom. Should shetrust some man to do a better job than she is doing? This can be addressed in a very calm manner.
When my son was still in diapers, I would find him watching his kiddie shows with his hand down his pants. Was it masturbation? Of course not. All I said was "I know that might feel good to you but that is something you do only in private." I didn't say he was bad, he would go blind or anything alarming. As he grew older and we got into sex education, I tried to be as factual as I could again without judgment. He was old enough to know that somethings we do only in private. I certainly did not go into details about what to do. I'm sure most males figure that out themselves.
As an teenager, he knew he could go to me or his dad and ask anything and we would give him the truth. Sometimes he would relate things his friends told him and we had to set the record straight. BTW DH was not good at talking to our kids about things like that. Once he heard he talking to them about sex organs and he told me he was surprised I was so candid. Then I realized he thought I was talking about sex the verb while I was talking about sex the noun as in these organs determine which sex you are. We agreed he should be around when these talks were had but I was better at explaining things. We also agreed I was the better driving instructor. We all have our roles which should not have anything to do with sex-the noun-not the verb.
um, maybe his friends, I would imagine they are all in the same boat.
doesn't the boy have any male person at all that maybe he could have the man to man talk......???????
I initially was wondering if you meant a play-by-play account aswell...
Quote:
Originally Posted by sun queen
We don't really go into what he is experiencing per se. It's more mom "is this normal" or "what if" and "how do I handle this with the guys in the locker room" type stuff.
But this all sounds pretty normal. It's good that he feels comfortable being open with you, that's a really good sign. Sorry it makes you a bit uncomfortable. If you're having conversations where you just don't know what to say it could be an idea to emphasize how much you appreciate the openness but that you don't know the answer - is there any man around that could help? (obviously of course someone you know well, not that guy over there in the blue shirt)
I have the opposite where I have a 16 year old daughter, we are open in talking about all sorts of things but there have been woman's body issues that have come up that haven't really made me uncomfortable but have made me scratch my head and just say 'I really don't know what the advice or answer to that is'. She is lucky enough to have a friend's mom that she is then comfortable taking that question to.
So you both believe that the boy should go to another male, not his parent, who he may not be comfortable with because his mother is aware the has *gasp* a penis?
If there is someone in their life who can take on kind of a "fatherly role" here, yes, I do think it is probably more appropriate and comfortable for boys to speak with another man who can more directly relate to the issues being discussed. There may not BE such a person in the OP and her son's life who can fill this role adequately. I don't know. ( You work with what you're given obviously.) I think most boys would probably be more comfortable speaking with a man about certain very personal issues. Sometimes a kid's youth pastor is someone who can address issues that involve sexuality and personal sexual morality and decisions etc. (If I recall correctly, the OP, sun queen, is a Christian whose faith is very important to her. So she may know or be in touch with someone at church who could fill this role.)
I would say my own son and I had an excellent, loving relationship. At the same time, my husband & I felt it more appropriate for him (my husband) to discuss topics concerning sexuality with him, and he made a point to do so. (Of course, my son never tried to address such issues with me. If he had, I suppose I would have addressed them. But then later, I would have suggested to my husband that he might want to talk with him further...possibly in more detail.)
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Unless he is giving you a second by second run down it is normal.
