Do you think it is okay for a child to have larger bedroom than Mom? Why or Why Not? (teenager, baby)
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It's something you & your daughter could work out - each family is different. Whether she hangs out with friends in her room is a consideration, for sure. Have you asked her what she thinks?
I honestly don't understand posts like, "Who pays the bills?" or "You pay the rent." Well... duh. A child doesn't pay bills. Why should that give a parent more power? When I had my boys, I didn't expect they would be paying their own way. To limit their input because I'm responsible for the bills is just plain mean. I mean - *I* had them. *I* chose to bring them here. It's my job to provide for them and care for them until they do it for themselves. They don't owe me for that!
*I* am responsible for their very existence. To hold that over their heads in some kind of power play doesn't make sense. So often, I think folks repeat what their parents did, without thinking about it at all.
I worry here that if the OP is feeling disempowered then trying to regain the balance of power by taking the bigger room sounds petty. Not meaning to be rude here. I totally believe that the parents should be in control and in authority over the kids and both the parent and the kid needs to know who is in charge. I would think that IF it is a problem about disempowerment then I would say to see if you can find a life coach to help you regain selfconfidence and then if necessary swap the rooms around. I hope that makes sense and its is not intended to be attacking you. So if I have sounded harsh, please accept my apology.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carrie2979
I think the real issue here is that it isn't about who has the larger room but why does mom suddenly want my room?
I agree that the room size isn't the issue.
The mother made it clear that taking the larger room is a punishment for her daughter becoming a selfish teen who isn't showing her mother enough respect.
Changing rooms isn't going to change the daughter's selfishness.
Furthermore, the mother's comment about feeling guilty is an indication that the mother isn't the one with the power in the relationship.
Taking a bigger room isn't going to make mother more empowered. Taking the room seems like a passive aggressive way of trying to gain respect.
Mom either takes charge as a parent or she doesn't. Location of room doesn't dictate that.
Here's the OP's post that indicates the real reason she wants to change rooms
Quote:
Originally Posted by ManhattanGirlz
I also am noticing a bit of tween selfishness towards Mom. Which also makes me feel perhaps she needs to learn more respect.
I haven't had time to read all of the other opinions, so I don't know how my views compare. But here goes my two cents:
We've given my son the bigger bedroom, but that's because he has more toys and I prefer to try to generally keep more of them contained in his space. BUT... it's your place, your choice, and I think it's perfectly fine to say that it's time to switch. You can tell her she's had her turn, now it's yours. Besides, changing bedrooms can be fun; maybe offer a chance to repaint your room in a color of her choice. I don't think it's selfish to consider your own needs, too. Those needs, for her and for you, evolve with time. Homes are generally in a constant state of change, or at least they have been for us; people grow, we get new stuff, get rid of old things, need more space for certain things, less for another. Growing up the kids in my family changed rooms over the years for various reasons. I wouldn't do it casually or just as as a power play, but it sounds like she's outgrown her need for the bigger room, so it makes sense to make the change now. I think someone did ask about how you used the rooms; that makes sense, too. If you prefer homework and friends to be contained in her room then maybe she needs the bigger space, but even then you can still pack a lot into a tiny bedroom, even space for homework and room for lots of friends. I don't think you need to ask for her input on whether or not to make the move, but should ask for input on when and how to make the switch. You could choose a weekend or time that works with her schedule, for example, and help make the new space feel like it's distinctively hers. If I were her I'd love the opportunity to help design a new room! And if she's not, well, she'll adjust. Try to frame it in a positive way, with benefits for both of you.
The "why" would entail an entire philosophy of life which I am not going to delve into here.
I will just say that traditionally, the master bedroom has been the largest for a reason. The true center of gravity of any family is the marriage (the couple) and not the children. Just because many families act differently today doesn't make it right. In the end, this "new way" serves no one well: neither the parents, nor the children.
I would never put any of my kids in the largest bedroom in the house. If their toys don't fit into any of the secondary bedrooms, that would be a sign they have too many toys.
I'd say the main deciding factor should be who spends more time at home. I had a bigger room than my parents but they quite literally only slept in their room whereas I spent hours every day and on the weekends doing homework and writing music. The family computer, which then later became my computer, was also in my room.
Respect issues can be dealt with in interactions. I don't think room size really correlates to respect. I never saw myself as higher on the totem pole because I had the bigger room.
The mother made it clear that taking the larger room is a punishment for her daughter becoming a selfish teen who isn't showing her mother enough respect
No, the mother has not made that clear.
And the mother should consult with the daughter to get her vote? Seriously? Is parenting a democracy now? If the mother wants the master suite, it doesn't mean there's an evil hidden agenda. Frankly, she ought to have it; she has earned that minor luxury. The daughter will survive the switch.
Take the big bedroom! And do NOT feel one lick of guilt! YOU are the one out working to provide for you both; YOU did a very unselfish thing by letting her have the big bedroom.
But, now it's your turn. You get a turn too. That's more than fair and your daughter should realize that.
She may not like it at first; but she'll get over it soon enough.
You didn't know?
Actually, I take that back. It is more like a monarchy - with "kingship" projected onto the kids.
I think that's a big leap to make. A child gets a larger room so now families are like monarchies run by the children? My room was bigger but my parents were still very clearly in charge.
The "why" would entail an entire philosophy of life which I am not going to delve into here.
I will just say that traditionally, the master bedroom has been the largest for a reason. The true center of gravity of any family is the marriage (the couple) and not the children. Just because many families act differently today doesn't make it right. In the end, this "new way" serves no one well: neither the parents, nor the children.
I would never put any of my kids in the largest bedroom in the house. If their toys don't fit into any of the secondary bedrooms, that would be a sign they have too many toys.
How does a large bedroom equate to a better or stronger marriage? Some of us actually prefer to be in a smaller bedroom; I've never understood the fascination with those master suites that seem to be all the rage. For us, anyway, I figure that we as parents get to make the decisions and to have mostly adult-oriented rooms for the home as a whole, so it makes sense to have the kids (well, just one kid for now) have a little more space in the one room that is dedicated to his stuff. Adults often use their rooms differently than do kids, and are more likely to use it mostly for sleeping. I do think that the parents get to make the choice, and that their needs get priority, but in many cases that means the parents will willingly take the smaller room because it works better for them and their family. That doesn't mean that the kids are running the household!
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No, the mother has not made that clear. 
