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If the 5 year old continues his behavior, when he enters elementary school, the school principal should be notified about the concerns you are having right now.
The longer it goes, the worse it will get, and if he can not pick on your child, he'll pick on someone elses.
As the other posters have already said, stop the playdates. I would not stand for it anymore and if the other Mom asks you why, be honest. She will defend her son, don't get into an argument with her about it, just say they will not be playing together anymore.
I have to agree with the majority here. I especially would have had to speak up when she had the nerve to scold your child. I would have immediately lit into hers, and see what she would have done. I would very nicely explain to her that her child is a bully and abusive to your child, and since she seems to be unable or unwilling to control him, her child is no longer welcome to play with yours. Maybe that will open her eyes up to her son's bad behavior.
I had this problem, child in neighborhood was BAD NEWS...and he was the same age as my sons, and wanted to play with them. This kid was crazy. He would do stuff, my kids would never even think of doing...like, once, he convinced my sons to practice breaking into our house, to see if it was burglar proof. They were 12, 10, and 7 at the time. They climbed the tree next door, jumped onto the roof...it was beyond crazy...every crazy thing, this kid would do...like, he wanted to start fires in the backyard...and he asked my sons if there were any guns in our house...then he brought over some inappropriate magazines...name it, this kid was the instigator...I banned them from playing with him, bringing over to our home, and going over to his house. He wanted to practice "surgery" on our dog, using razor blades. He was sociopath junior in the making.
Two years later, the local Boy Scout Troop also banned this kid for breaking some rules.
You have to be vigilant on the company your kids keep...no matter what. I had NO problem telling this kid that he was NOT welcome to come over any more, and I would have told his parents the same thing...but I think that they knew that their kid was bad...
And, I honestly think that my sons were glad I took over, and banned this bad kid.
I couldn't agree more with the other posters here! He's your son. If you love him and care what happens to him, you will stop allowing your 3 year old to play with that 5 year old. He's a monster in the making and probably does the same crap to his younger sibling. I'm sure dear mommy excuses his behavior (due to not being the baby anymore). Hey, she might allow him to abuse her own kid, but you'd be crazy to allow him to abuse yours. The fact that she intercepts any attempt to stop his behavior and believes his lies, shows just how much of an enabler she is. Nice...little Johnny will pay dearly for her stupidity. What's better, your son learning how to entertain himself and play with his younger sibling, or being a punching bag and learning horrible behavior from the neighbor kid?
I stopped more than ONE kid from coming to my house and stopped taking my kids to several people's houses when they were young. You can't control other people's kids, but you can control how much contact and influence other people's kids have on yours!
Before I became a case manager some time ago I wasa teacher for pre-k and for infants and toddlers that is what my degree states and my state credentials state..
That child in question is not a bully...he does not have the capacity to be a bully just yet..it is more tolerated behavior that his PARENTS allow..
The childs behavior is consistant with the toddler creed...sharing is not automatic it is a learned behavior period..
The fact that the neighbor scolds your child and is allowed to? A big no no..
I get the "get along because we are neighbors mentality" however if my child is playing by the rules and another is not? MY child will not be made to suffer,...
A good intervention would be simple and diplomatic...
i.e. your son is actively involved with a toy and this child tries and grab it? "He is not done with it yet..he will let you know" "Ask him if you can play with it"
allowing your son control over himself and his boundaries...
Or if your son really wants to keep this almost 5 year old as a friend, then allow limited time and supervise them. Kids get cranky and sometimes quit playing well when they're together too much. If they can play well for one hour, then limit the visits to an hour or less.
Or you can let that child come over and as soon as he's not playing nice send him packing. He may learn after awhile that he plays nice or gets booted out.
i will just echo what a lot of ppl here have said. stop the playdates. I had a bully for a neighbor growing up, I was the only one who would play with her, and boy do I wish I never had. She was nothing but mean if you didn't play by her rules and even then she would often lash out. I admit I brought some of that home with me and my 3 younger brothers (not to the same extent) unfortunately were the benefactors of my horrible experiences with this girl. She also told my brother he was adopted at the age of 3 (he was not, but believed her & once sat on the steps with a packed bag waiting for his "real family"), and told me at 5 that Santa wasn't real, yeah...I went home crying, and till this day my brother holds a grudge over the adopted thing.
My parents overlooked a lot of this b/c they were friends with the neighbors. I really wish they hadn't. I think it would have made our lives much better.
(As a final note of warning, we moved, and my little sister unfortunately met the same fate abt having a bully in the neighborhood; this girl cut off my 3 yr-old sisters eyelashes b/c she said "long lashes were ugly"! plus a host of other issues, just believe me when I say it has to be better to be a little awkward around your neighbors than ignore it just to keep the peace in the neighborhood).
i will just echo what a lot of ppl here have said. stop the playdates. I had a bully for a neighbor growing up, I was the only one who would play with her, and boy do I wish I never had. She was nothing but mean if you didn't play by her rules and even then she would often lash out. I admit I brought some of that home with me and my 3 younger brothers (not to the same extent) unfortunately were the benefactors of my horrible experiences with this girl. She also told my brother he was adopted at the age of 3 (he was not, but believed her & once sat on the steps with a packed bag waiting for his "real family"), and told me at 5 that Santa wasn't real, yeah...I went home crying, and till this day my brother holds a grudge over the adopted thing.
My parents overlooked a lot of this b/c they were friends with the neighbors. I really wish they hadn't. I think it would have made our lives much better.
(As a final note of warning, we moved, and my little sister unfortunately met the same fate abt having a bully in the neighborhood; this girl cut off my 3 yr-old sisters eyelashes b/c she said "long lashes were ugly"! plus a host of other issues, just believe me when I say it has to be better to be a little awkward around your neighbors than ignore it just to keep the peace in the neighborhood).
Ker8 brings up a really great point. Although it might cause a strain with the neighbors, ask yourself whether that really matters. I pick my friends very carefully.They don't sound like the kind of people you really want as "friends", right? I mean, maybe if you start avoiding them and let them know why you don't want your child playing with theirs, they might come around, eh? You can always hope.
That child in question is not a bully...he does not have the capacity to be a bully just yet..it is more tolerated behavior that his PARENTS allow..
Also, I'm with everyone else, I wouldn't let my child near this kid, if the parent asked why I'd let them know and move on.
When my daughter was around 8 a new family moved in next door, the mom immediately asked me to watch her two kids after school...I was so taken off guard like a fool I said ok
The son who was 7 was a total nightmare, screamed if my daughter wouldn't let him have her pencil, screamed and actually held on to the bathroom door while lying on the floor when I said I needed to get in to the bathroom...told the mom I could not watch them, she took offense I guess as she never looked my way again, who cares
I wouldn't see it as awful if your neighbors took offense, go on your merry way and have nice kids for your child to play with.
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