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Yes, I know he might have ADHD. Whatever you call it or NOT call it, he is an inattentive, disorganized, unaware-when-he-drops-things 5 1/2 yo child.
Yes, he was seen, and the psych in question said that she cannot apply an ADHD diagnosis at this age yet but that yes, he is at risk for developing attention problems.
That being said, dx is not my concern right this very moment.
I just need some "how to" tips.
I pray that he will somehow NOT end up on medication and in the meanwhile, I am just trying to come up with some step-by-step practical behavior modification techniques to prevent him from CONSTANTLY dropping things and losing them.
For ex, he has a little desk in his room on which he has some paper, crayons, drawing books, etc. During his "down" time he obviously doesn't nap, but gets up from bed, sits at his desk and draws or writes something.
Every time, I can predict with 100% accuracy (and I do mean 100%) that as soon as he gets a crayon in his hand it will automatically and unconsciously be dropped on the floor when the next one is used. When his "down" time is over, I go to his room and there is ALWAYS a mess on the floor from him inattentively dropping the crayons, pieces of cut paper, legos or whatever else he used at his desk.
I trained him 1000000000 times to focus, pay attention and place the crayons back in the box when he is done with each one of them, instead of letting them drop on the floor; I showed him how, step by step, methodically - but they STILL end up on the floor, regardless of what I do, say, plead, beg, etc.
He doesn't do it on purpose, he generally wants to please (not defiant) - but his brain clearly doesn't pick up on the moment when he drops things on the floor.
Do you have any tips inspired by ADHD behavior modification techniques that I could use and might be of any help?
Again, we are not using any medication right now and pray that there are some effective behavior mod techniques that could address this issue without the help of meds.
Maybe bribery - ? - for everything he picks up and puts away, he gets a sticker (let him pick them out, ex. he may be into dinosaurs so get dino. stickers etc) - then he can redeem them for something special when he accrues a certain # - ? I know this sounds simplistic but it may motivate a young child.
Just have him clean it up before he gets to do anything fun, right after you discover it. Every time. And he could do one additional cleaning job after that, before anything fun, every time.
This isn't just an ADHD issue, it is developmental. Young children do what is expedient - it is always something - like not flushing the toilet. Not an ADHD problem in my house, but trust me, it is a problem. Is it a skill that my child lacks? Of course not! So showing and teaching him how to flush doesn't work. It is a performance of the skill problem 'I just forgot, mom!!!' So each forgetting gets a consequence...flush all toilets in house, clean toilet, lose tv/etc, etc etc etc.
In general, a sticker chart with responsibilities and checks/stickers for success, coupled with something to earn when achievement met can work with behaviors you describe. This isn't bribery, it is reinforcement, and works well with all young children. Pair this with over cleaning every time he forgets, and you will see behavior change.
2 general suggestions - first, what he earns does not have to be material - can be extra book reading time w/ parent, extra time at park, etc. Also, consistency matters more than anything else. Pick something and try it for at least 3 weeks before you decide if it is working or not.
Limit his access to things. Put the crayons on the other side of the room, each color in its own see-through pocket. Show him the pockets all filled up. Tell him he can take ONE crayon to the desk to color with. That means ONE pocket is empty.
When he wants another color, he has to put that first one back, and then he can take a new crayon. This will leave ONE pocket empty, still. Just a different pocket. This will get him moving up and down, up and down, up and down, putting crayons back, taking them out, and so on and so forth. The process of getting and returning crayons will become an actual individual activity, instead of some obscure and vague "idea" of the cleaning process.
You could even do drills with him, by color-coding the clear pockets. Get paper, have him draw a little mark, tape that square to the bottom corner of the pocket. That pocket is now, and forever, the GREEN pocket. Only green crayons go there. This will help him with his organizational skills, color-matching, hand-eye coordination, cognitive thinking.
Plus, it turns even the concept of knowing what goes where, into another individual activity. When the little squares of paper get worn out, he can make new ones.
Instead of focusing on how he handles crayons while in use, I recommend simply having him clean up the crayons when he is done.
The purpose of drawing is two fold: creativity and motor skills for learning to write later.
When he starts school, you don't want him to be distracted by being anxious about where his writing instrument is located when he is learning to write.
Just have him clean it up before he gets to do anything fun, right after you discover it. Every time. And he could do one additional cleaning job after that, before anything fun, every time.
This isn't just an ADHD issue, it is developmental. Young children do what is expedient - it is always something - like not flushing the toilet. Not an ADHD problem in my house, but trust me, it is a problem. Is it a skill that my child lacks? Of course not! So showing and teaching him how to flush doesn't work. It is a performance of the skill problem 'I just forgot, mom!!!' So each forgetting gets a consequence...flush all toilets in house, clean toilet, lose tv/etc, etc etc etc.
In general, a sticker chart with responsibilities and checks/stickers for success, coupled with something to earn when achievement met can work with behaviors you describe. This isn't bribery, it is reinforcement, and works well with all young children. Pair this with over cleaning every time he forgets, and you will see behavior change.
2 general suggestions - first, what he earns does not have to be material - can be extra book reading time w/ parent, extra time at park, etc. Also, consistency matters more than anything else. Pick something and try it for at least 3 weeks before you decide if it is working or not.
This is exactly what I was going to suggest. I agree it isn't an ADHD thing. It is a kid thing. Why do you think kids are always being reminded to clean their rooms. My DD is 6. She used to do the same thing. I would walk into her room 5 minutes into play time and the room would be destroyed. I would tell her that she can't play with anything else until the mess was cleaned up.
I have a stubborn DD. One time she came back with "Fine! I will never play again because I am not cleaning my room!" So, I had to increase the rule. I told her that now that she is talking back in addition to the messy room, for every 2 minutes that go by without her cleaning, I was going to throw something away. If she doesn't care about her stuff enough to take care of it, then she won't care that I throw it away. 2 minutes went by and no cleaning was started. I walked over and picked up a toy off of the floor and threw it in a trash bag. She couldn't believe it. I swear I have a 15 year old in a 6 year old's body because she got snotty and said "I don't believe you will throw it away because that will just waste your money". I walked over to the litter box, scooped it out and poured it over the toy in the bag. Then she believed me. I have never seen her clean her room so fast. Of course she still doesn't know that I picked a toy that was already broken. *I really do hate wasting money*.
She still "forgets" to put things back where they belong. She can be walking through the living room and just drop something. It looks like she doesn't even know she did it. I still have to remind her. That is just part of being a parent to a young child. I have a feeling that I will have to "remind" her to put things away even when she is a teenager. After all, isn't it the job of every child to see how far they can push their parents?
Two things - I agree it is, to some extent developmental and....newsflash - your child is an individual person, not a mini you. While YOU may be the kind of person who has one crayon out at a time, he may never be (regardless of any ADHD or anything else). What you need to focus on is not whether he puts the crayons away during use (because really? - what difference does that make?) but does he clean up the mess he makes in the end. When he is done, he needs to clean up his mess. At some point, he may realize that if he puts the crayons away one at a time, he has no mess to clean up but that may be unimportant to him. The end result is what matters. You can't control his each and every habit and insist that he is the same as you but you can teach him to clean up his mess when he is done. Focus on the end result not on how he gets there.
The end result is what matters. You can't control his each and every habit and insist that he is the same as you but you can teach him to clean up his mess when he is done. Focus on the end result not on how he gets there.
Totally agree. It will cause lots of anxiety to force him to conform to every little move and not be himself.
I swear that sometimes overly controlling children causes some learning disabilities---parents making children anxious over little details causes the children to not be able to focus on the task at hand.
Yes, I know he might have ADHD. Whatever you call it or NOT call it, he is an inattentive, disorganized, unaware-when-he-drops-things 5 1/2 yo child.
Yes, he was seen, and the psych in question said that she cannot apply an ADHD diagnosis at this age yet but that yes, he is at risk for developing attention problems.
That being said, dx is not my concern right this very moment.
I just need some "how to" tips.
I pray that he will somehow NOT end up on medication and in the meanwhile, I am just trying to come up with some step-by-step practical behavior modification techniques to prevent him from CONSTANTLY dropping things and losing them.
For ex, he has a little desk in his room on which he has some paper, crayons, drawing books, etc. During his "down" time he obviously doesn't nap, but gets up from bed, sits at his desk and draws or writes something.
Every time, I can predict with 100% accuracy (and I do mean 100%) that as soon as he gets a crayon in his hand it will automatically and unconsciously be dropped on the floor when the next one is used. When his "down" time is over, I go to his room and there is ALWAYS a mess on the floor from him inattentively dropping the crayons, pieces of cut paper, legos or whatever else he used at his desk.
I trained him 1000000000 times to focus, pay attention and place the crayons back in the box when he is done with each one of them, instead of letting them drop on the floor; I showed him how, step by step, methodically - but they STILL end up on the floor, regardless of what I do, say, plead, beg, etc.
He doesn't do it on purpose, he generally wants to please (not defiant) - but his brain clearly doesn't pick up on the moment when he drops things on the floor.
Do you have any tips inspired by ADHD behavior modification techniques that I could use and might be of any help?
Again, we are not using any medication right now and pray that there are some effective behavior mod techniques that could address this issue without the help of meds.
Thank you so much!
Syracusa, how frustrating this must be for you!! So he actually takes the crayons, every time...and drops them on the floor? He doesn't just set them ON the table, but puts his hand out to the side and drops them on the floor?...everything? I mean, not putting them back into the box or dropping them on the table when he's done...that I don't see as an issue, but you're saying he doesn't even do THAT?...He just moves his hand to the side and drops them on the floor?
Are there any activities, say...gardening...deadheading...or any other kind of events he's seen repeatedly, which involve dropping things on the floor like that? Does anyone smoke, maybe outside and drop their butts into a can or on the ground? ...eat sunflower seeds or peanuts and simply drop them on the ground? If not, honey, that isn't normal...not at all. Have you tried sitting with him, placing a clean meat tray or shallow pan on the table for him to set the crayons in when he's done? If not, that could be a step...but you'd have to sit with him and remind him as soon as you see him finishing with a color, to put it in the tray when he's done. When he's finished coloring, then he could put them back in the box. It would take time, but it IS a first step for him.
If I'm understanding you, then this does NOT sound like a simple behavioral issue here. The "average" kid, might use all of the crayons from a box and put them on the table when they're done, but simply dropping them on the floor? I'm not even going to worry about being an alarmist here, because you're already alarmed...you KNOW that something's going on here. (((HUGS))) I know it's going to take some time and work, but do try those little steps. If he does truly have some problems, you CAN redirect and help him to overcome these things. Keep us posted my dear...and hang in there.
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