Boyfriend's Mother Has Not Helped At All

[nikkayx333]

I think what bothers her is how soon-to-be super grandma has said multiple times about buying such & such, yet doesnt even care to ask how things are going along in pregnancy...let alone offer to buy as much as diapers after 1 toy. It's kinda odd that a soon to be grandmother isn't excited, even if she doesn't 'approve' of the circumstances. It's not her life & this is coming from a conservative Southern Baptist girl. I'm sorry but if I knew that my grandma didn't seem the least bit excited for me to enter this world, then all of a sudden wanted to go into grandma mode, I'd be like WTF!? And the fact that she can buy alllllll this stuff living off alimony & disability checks but cant buy but one thing for her grandchild...if thats not a selfish beyotch, I don't know what is. Sounds like she's all about herself from the information given to us. Also in my experience, I don't know anyone who would know that someone was in the situation they were in that was family, that wouldn't help them out as much as they could. Guess people don't care anymore these days. SMH

[namomof3]

it sucks and all-- but she's really not doing anything "wrong." She does not owe you anything. Grandparents have no obligation. It's YOUR baby. You and your fiance need to work it all out. Welcome to the real world!

Holy crap-- i didn't realize this thread was already 34 pages long when i replied-- sorry~

[Ivorytickler]

I hope the OP comes back and gives us an update after the baby is born. I'm curious to see if her fears of her boyfriend's mother becomming super grandma will come to fruition. I'm thinking she has nothing to worry about here but you never know. Grandma may fall in love with that baby when she sees him/her.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by KickAssArmyChick

I am not handling this very well. She just bought a house and paid the amount up front in cash, she doesn't work, lives off alimony his dad pays her and also disability. She doesn't have a care in the world really. So we know money is not the issue.

Have you never heard that it is rude and trashy to count other people's money?

[suedonym]

Originally Posted by KickAssArmyChick

His mother has not given us anything for the baby. Oh, I lied. She gave us a stuffed animal.

its not her job to provide for you, her son, or the baby.

grow up.

[elamigo]

Originally Posted by KickAssArmyChick

My boyfriend and I are having a baby in less than 3 weeks.

We were about to be homeless back in February but we were able to redeem ourselves and find a place to live.

My boyfriend lost his job in early April and hasn't been able to find anything ever since. My hours at work change every week because of my high risk pregnancy that has sent me to the Hospital several times...but the money I make is enough to pay for what we need. No luxuries really. We are struggling.

We have gotten a lot of help from his dad (his parents are divorced), my aunt and cousin and even my co-workers who threw me a baby shower and gave us a lot of stuff.

His mother has not given us anything for the baby. Oh, I lied. She gave us a stuffed animal.

I don't like visiting her. All she talks about is buying this and this and this. Doesn't even want to know how we are doing or if we need anything for the baby at all. Whenever he brings something up, she changes the subject to something she wants to do for herself or buy.

I am not handling this very well. She just bought a house and paid the amount up front in cash, she doesn't work, lives off alimony his dad pays her and also disability. She doesn't have a care in the world really. So we know money is not the issue.

Last week she said she was waiting to find out what we needed first; so that she would buy it. She waited 9 months for that? Really? She waited until we got pretty much everything we needed to offer help.

I don't know how to deal with this situation. I am SO bitter.

I am afraid she is going to try and be "Super Grandma" when our daughter is here - don't know why since she hasn't done anything for us at all...and I feel like I am going to blow up.

How should I deal with this situation?

Well, you may not like what I say but you asked.

First of all, you and your boyfriend made the baby so no one is obligated in any form to help you. You decided to do the adult thing so now do not expect anything from anybody. You and your boyfriend are not owed anything from anyone.
If anyone wants to help you and give you anything, great and good for you. That is nice of them.

Have you done some introspection and maybe see why she is that way with you? If not, find out.

It is important to have family to bond with and rely on each other in times of need but I would not confuse that as an obligation.

Go and talk to her openly just as you did now is one way. That has the potential of not wanting to deal with you anymore.

The other option is to simply accept her the way she is and whatever she gives. This way you are not all frustrated because she does not giive what YOU expect her to give. If she goes further than your expectations, great!

The bottom line you and your boyfriend are adults and as such I do not see why anybody whether as individuals or as citizens owe you anything. You are expected to accept the results of your actions as adults, take care.