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I'd try and find out why a "really good kid" would pull this stunt.
Obviously there were some pretty powerful lures to get a "really good kid" to slip out of the house, get his brother to lie, etc, etc, etc.
How many other times have you smelled beer on his breath? How many other times has he gotten his brother to cover for him?
I just don't see a "really good kid" suddenly doing all this. What else has he done that you think is "normal" because I see this as pretty far outside the boundaries of "normal". Normal is one of these things. Not all of them together. Sorry.
Good point. It might not just be beer that lured him out of the house that night.
But good kids are known to sneak out of the house when their parents say NO.
Dew - I wondered the same thing...I found the OP's description of "really good kid" interesting:
Quote:
....is generally a really good kid. He makes really good grades, great athlete, plays guitar and has a lot of friends
Unfortunately, people tend to think those are the main requirements to be a "really good kid"...
IMO - that is a "really good college application" or "really good resume" but not necessarily indicative of a "really good kid".....
Nowhere does it say anything about him being respectful, hardworking, compassionate and responsible.....perhaps he is those things too (although, his behavior seems to indicate otherwise) but the fact that as a parent, those were the first things that came to mind when describing a "really good kid" was interesting.
I'd try and find out why a "really good kid" would pull this stunt.
I'll add, I wonder what a "really good kid" is doing at a party hosted by someone who has had the cops called on him in the past? I also don't understand a party lasting until 2 AM Monday morning.
We had a fairly consistent policy of no socializing on school nights. We were not inflexible, and I probably would have agreed to let my kids go to a party on Sunday night if they were home by 11 PM or so, and had all their homework done.
It's really ironic to read rants from parents about high school starting too early in the morning, yet they allow their kids to throw a drinking party on a school night.
I'll add, I wonder what a "really good kid" is doing at a party hosted by someone who has had the cops called on him in the past? I also don't understand a party lasting until 2 AM Monday morning.
We had a fairly consistent policy of no socializing on school nights. We were not inflexible, and I probably would have agreed to let my kids go to a party on Sunday night if they were home by 11 PM or so, and had all their homework done.
It's really ironic to read rants from parents about high school starting too early in the morning, yet they allow their kids to throw a drinking party on a school night.
Since he's 17, it's possible that his friend is an adult who no longer attends school.
I would have allowed mine to go but they would have had to be home by 11 on a school night.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
And while we're wondering.... how did he put a "huge dent and scratch" in the car? Did he damage somebody else's property while he was at it?
Another good point. It's possible someone's property is damaged somewhere.
I don't think you over reacted. You reacted in the moment. The punishment should fit the crime. He would not drive....period, until he paid off the damages to your car,(whether you take it to get it fixed or not!). You said you don't want him to get a job....I understand that. Well then YOU and hubby need to be his employer. He should have plenty of time to do extra work around the house, in addition to doing his homework after you confiscate his cell phone and Xbox for a month. In view of the fact that the younger son was in on it...well, there certainly wouldn't be any Xbox for him either!! His brother did NOT make him lie...he CHOSE to lie for his brother, simply because he asked him to. If he's in sports, it seems pretty crazy to ground him from those...it isn't just him, but the rest of the team to consider. I would, however, make sure that he did NOT attend any non-essential activities. When we confiscate our son's cell phone, we get it when he's at home, he gets it when he goes to school and to his practices or games.
Oh, as for your younger son...In view of the fact that the younger son was in on it...well, there certainly wouldn't be any Xbox for him either!! I'd be finding something for HIM to do as well. His brother did NOT make him lie...he CHOSE to lie for his brother, simply because he asked him to. By making sure that he has consequences, it will be a little less likely that he's going to lie for him again in the future. Seriously, it would be crazy not to punish the one who lied for him!!
Oh, as for your younger son...In view of the fact that the younger son was in on it...well, there certainly wouldn't be any Xbox for him either!! I'd be finding something for HIM to do as well. His brother did NOT make him lie...he CHOSE to lie for his brother, simply because he asked him to. By making sure that he has consequences, it will be a little less likely that he's going to lie for him again in the future. Seriously, it would be crazy not to punish the one who lied for him!!
I may be a little late to the fun, but I'll add in my opinion.
First off, I won't critique the OP's use of "good kid", as others have said, even good kids do dumb things and break the rules on occasion. I'll take the OP's opinion that her son is a good kid despite his recent actions which seem to be out of character.
As for the situation...
This is a really tough one. I find myself breaking it down mentally into two levels of offenses:
1. Sneaking out to go to a party he was told he couldn't attend, getting his younger brother to lie for him, drinking and getting into a heated argument with you. If this was all that happened, I think your response was appropriate. Obviously this isn't a weird thing for a teen to try to pull. Certainly punishable, but not end of the world bad. I think your punishment fits these crimes, but might be a little excessive if this was it.
2. Stealing your car (that is basically what it was), damaging the car and drinking and driving. These are all WAY over the top offenses to me. The problem I find is how to punish him for this and actually get something out of it. His actions were so over the top and reckless that a simple grounding really won't have much impact.
You need to find a way to get him to realize how serious the ramifications of his actions could have been. Instead of facing a grounding, he could be facing serious legal consequences. I think my gut instinct with this would be to take away his car and his license until he turns 18 and can afford to pay for his own insurance policy.
I think if it was me, I wouldn't even necessarily ground him for the other BS, but I would just simply take away the car and license and clip his wings. He would also be responsible for working off the damage he caused to your car. If this makes your life complicated, so be it, he needs to learn his lesson now the hard way.
When he turns 18 he would be responsible for getting and paying for his own insurance. I can't think of another way to make him understand that his actions could have resulted in financial ruin for your entire family. If he had gotten into an accident and hurt someone, they could take just about every asset you own in a judgement. If he is to focused on having fun to realize that, then he doesn't deserve the priviledge of driving.
Since he's 17, it's possible that his friend is an adult who no longer attends school.
True. It's the fact that the friend has already hosted one party where the cops have been called that is problematic. Either someone suspected underage drinking (as happened this Sunday), or they were being extremely loud, or both. There may be other reasons, but that's usually why people call the police on parties. I'd really think twice about allowing my kids to go to another party hosted by this person. I have heard stories about everyone underage getting alcohol tickets at parties like this. My daughter went to a party where the cops were called b/c of noise; she never went to a party at that person's apt. again.
A friend of mine was telling me to make him pay for the car damages, but my does not have a job and we do not want him to get a job. We want him to focus on school.
School is almost out for the summer - two words: summer job. Something he can walk to since he shouldn't have a vehicle until he's paid for the damage to your car.
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