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BTDT. I worked part time for a while and even then couldn't fill the hours with anything meaningful. I could find entertaining things to do but nothing that mattered. /QUOTE]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aconite
Wow. Just...really? That's kind of...out of touch with the world around you, don't you think? Or do you mean nothing worthwhile that you felt willing to bestir yourself to do?
Not at all. Entertaining yourself and your kids does not equate to having meaningful things to do. I could entertain us doing all kinds of things but, after a while, it just becomes meaningless things to do to fill the time. I prefer to be productive and to model being productive for my childlren as opposed to being on permanent vacation. You need to keep in mind that WP's do on their days off what SAHP's do every day and we call that vacation.
Well, golly, I assumed when you said "I could find nothing to do that mattered" you'd actually tried. My mistake.
As for "I'd love to hear what you do"...we can start with the kids I routinely take to practices and events because their parents are working (no worries, people did that for mine when I worked, so I don't have a problem with it). Then there's the kid who lives with several adults, none of whom can bestir themselves to actually parent him, so I run him places as well (though since he's here a lot, that may not count). Both my kids have had volunteer jobs since they were around ten, so there's that. I've put in about a hundred hours in local schools since the beginning of the year, we've been involved in CSA, we've been involved in political campaigns during major election cycles and done drops for local elections, I do SpEd advocacy...and then yeah, there's that 23.7 minutes per day I allot to each kid (including the borrowed one), though I keep breaking timers trying to work out that point-seven minute. So I have to shop for timers. That keeps me hopping, of course.
I find this last post very informative. Thank you. I believe some of our differences may be due to different thoughts on the definition of what matters. I'd guess that to most of us time with our family "matters" even if that time is sometimes spent in what you might consider "non-productive" in a quantifiable way. Building and maintaining relationships are important investments of time. Think of it like networking but with your family.
Frankly if you can't or aren't getting enjoyment out of your family unless there is production and a measureable result at all times what exactly is the point?
Interesting we are 85th percentile... So I guess we are in the "minority" that Ivory seems to think is not represented on this website.
LOL...yes, 15% of the population is a minority. Do you, seriously, think it is not??? The question, however, is not where are you but where are you compared to where could you be if you worked to get there? In order for working not to matter, your working has to not impact your family's SES. For most educated moms, it does. You, pretty much, have to be in the upper class for it not to matter if you're educated.
Well, golly, I assumed when you said "I could find nothing to do that mattered" you'd actually tried. My mistake.
As for "I'd love to hear what you do"...we can start with the kids I routinely take to practices and events because their parents are working (no worries, people did that for mine when I worked, so I don't have a problem with it). Then there's the kid who lives with several adults, none of whom can bestir themselves to actually parent him, so I run him places as well (though since he's here a lot, that may not count). Both my kids have had volunteer jobs since they were around ten, so there's that. I've put in about a hundred hours in local schools since the beginning of the year, we've been involved in CSA, we've been involved in political campaigns during major election cycles and done drops for local elections, I do SpEd advocacy...and then yeah, there's that 23.7 minutes per day I allot to each kid (including the borrowed one), though I keep breaking timers trying to work out that point-seven minute. So I have to shop for timers. That keeps me hopping, of course.
Oh, I tried but finding 18 hours of things that mattered to fill those 18 hours isn't easy. Like I said, the house is spotless before the kids get out of bed, so that's done, and the errands and chores I had on days off were the same ones I had on days I worked. I just had 9 more hours per day to do get them done. The rest was play dates, parks, zoos, and other forms of entertainment to fill the time. While I gardened and cooked from scratch, we do those things anyway even when working full time so nothing changed there. Ditto for volunteering, did that when working full time too. I just had more time to do the things I already did only it turned out I didn't need more time to get those things done. I had plenty as a full time working mom.
Since when does every single action you take have to be something that "matters"? Seriously, can't you just do something because it's fun or because you want to?
I find this last post very informative. Thank you. I believe some of our differences may be due to different thoughts on the definition of what matters. I'd guess that to most of us time with our family "matters" even if that time is sometimes spent in what you might consider "non-productive" in a quantifiable way. Building and maintaining relationships are important investments of time. Think of it like networking but with your family.
Frankly if you can't or aren't getting enjoyment out of your family unless there is production and a measureable result at all times what exactly is the point?
You are twisting what I said. I'm saying that there is plenty of time to get all the enjoyment we need WITH a full time job. The point is, we had plenty of time as a family WITH me working full time. We didn't need more. And we didn't have more when I worked part time because dh was still working. In order to have family time, you need the whole family home. For us, we have more family time with me working because dh is free to work fewer hours so we, truely, get more family time with both of us working.
Start crunching hours. Using averages for working parents, we have 69 hours a week after working and sleeping and that is not counting holidays and vacation days off!!! I can do 19 hours of housework, after work, and still have as much time as I spent working that week to do whatever I want before I take a holiday or vacation day and, for the average worker, 1 out of 3 days is a day off.
You're trying to twist this to say I don't enjoy family. That is not the case. I do enjoy family. I just have plenty of time to do that after work and because I work, dh gets more time to enjoy his family too.
Not going to crunch numbers with or for you. Sorry. (ETA - no actually I'm no sorry. I know wnat is meaningful in my life without having to justify it with number crunching to prove it to some stranger online). This really has nothing to do with any of that. You clearly described spending time that you considered non-productive (driving to actvities, going to the park having playdates) as things that didn't matter because nothing was to be accomplished by them that you deemed meaningful. Personally I think that's sad and not something I'd want to be modeling for my children. Whether or not I was holding a paying job.
Last edited by maciesmom; 10-05-2011 at 06:34 AM..
Since when does every single action you take have to be something that "matters"? Seriously, can't you just do something because it's fun or because you want to?
Because several posters are going for sainthood with their holier than thou attitudes. Gotta love the moms who have to tell you all the great and wonderful things they do with their precious free hours. It's amazing that they have time to eat, sleep or attend to bodily functions.
Slinks off to fire up my computer game and eat some sugary cereal along with killing orcs and goblins. Oops, first have to sweep the dust bunnies off my desk.......
Not at all. Entertaining yourself and your kids does not equate to having meaningful things to do. I could entertain us doing all kinds of things but, after a while, it just becomes meaningless things to do to fill the time. I prefer to be productive and to model being productive for my childlren as opposed to being on permanent vacation. You need to keep in mind that WP's do on their days off what SAHP's do every day and we call that vacation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
I'd really love to hear how you fill the hours with meaningful stuff. Seriously, just the extra 18 hours a week I had at home working part time were hard to fill with anything that mattered. Sure there are lots of time fillers you can do but why bother? What's accomplished? I found that if I got up a couple of hours before my kids got up, the house was spotless before they got out of bed and once it's in order and clean, it's just a matter of cleaning up messes as you go to keep it that way. I had the same errands to run and chores to do as I did on work days, I just had 9 more hours in which to get them done so they did not fill the time. So, we'd go on play dates, to the park, took dance classes, the kids attended preschool and I volunteered, etc, etc, etc...but it was just filling time. Just so much entertaining ourselves with nothing to really show for it. At least working I accomplish something that matters.
Disclaimer, this is not to say that what parents do doesn't matter. I'm just saying you don't need those extra 9 hours a day to get it done. It's quite doable after work and on the weekends.
A detailed daily account is pointless, people have provided that for you, and you have ignored it. Suffice it to say my day is very full, and my passion is philanthropic pursuits. It would also depend on what each parent chooses to do, wouldn't it. It is painfully obvious that the amount of time you have chosen to spend with your family is considerably less than the amount of time anyone I know, be they SAH or working parents choose to spend with their family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
LOL...yes, 15% of the population is a minority. Do you, seriously, think it is not??? The question, however, is not where are you but where are you compared to where could you be if you worked to get there? In order for working not to matter, your working has to not impact your family's SES. For most educated moms, it does. You, pretty much, have to be in the upper class for it not to matter if you're educated.
Ah, the old moving the goalposts trick. You would now be contradicting what you previously stated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Oh, I tried but finding 18 hours of things that mattered to fill those 18 hours isn't easy. Like I said, the house is spotless before the kids get out of bed, so that's done, and the errands and chores I had on days off were the same ones I had on days I worked. I just had 9 more hours per day to do get them done. The rest was play dates, parks, zoos, and other forms of entertainment to fill the time. While I gardened and cooked from scratch, we do those things anyway even when working full time so nothing changed there. Ditto for volunteering, did that when working full time too. I just had more time to do the things I already did only it turned out I didn't need more time to get those things done. I had plenty as a full time working mom.
You continue to make the same assumptions over and over, and that is assuming that your parenting style is ideal or worth modeling. I read your posts and cringe. Honestly your opinions could not be further from mine. Do you ever reflect on how you could have been a better parent, or if you made the right choices for your family?
Because several posters are going for sainthood with their holier than thou attitudes. Gotta love the moms who have to tell you all the great and wonderful things they do with their precious free hours. It's amazing that they have time to eat, sleep or attend to bodily functions.
Slinks off to fire up my computer game and eat some sugary cereal along with killing orcs and goblins. Oops, first have to sweep the dust bunnies off my desk.......
My cousin is like that (did I mention her again)?
Cause when I call and say 'whatcha doin'? I don't really need a complete rundown on what closets have been cleaned; what decorations have been brought out; what errands have been run . . . . .
Because that's not why I called. It's always a series of 'one-upmanships' with her. She wants to be busier than me, I guess.
We hardly talk anymore because there was no real conversation. Just her, telling me how busy she is.
But ~ she can't possibly be any busier than I am and I got tired of playing the game.
Well! Another rant about my cousin and I apologize! But some of those posts outlining every minute of the day kinda reminded me of that. It's just not necessary or impressive. Believe me, no one would be interested in every minute of my day either.
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