Being a stay-at-home mother (stepdad, daycare, teenage, fertile)
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I guess cushy, in my sense, just means that I won't have to stress money at all if they just so happen to need something or, Lord forbid, they have a medical issue that is costly. Life throws so many unknown curveballs, I guess I overthink it and prefer to have more money in my savings to feel secure having kids...otherwise I'd totally have them! I get what you mean.
Well that's different And yes, I highly advise waiting until you feel you are at the point where you have to stress about unexpected expenses,etc.
There's a big difference between wanting to ensure you won't worry about bills on a monthly bases or being able to pay for your kids diabetes treatment than wanting to be at the point where you know you can buy each of your kids their own Iphone 4 and laptop
Judging from your name, I can see that you felt offended. Where in the world did I show disdain? To be frank, I was just starting to wonder if this is the norm around the country or just my friends. Why would I show disdain for people who have kids when they can hardly afford them? I show disdain for people who have kids and abuse the welfare system. I feel sorrow for people who have kids and can't afford them. I just felt like...is it a fad or something?
What offends me is the idea that you are so judgmental of your age mates. Your entire first post shows disdain for those with less education, those who have job you consider low class, and for those who choose to stay home instead of work. FULL of disdain.
How do you know who can afford their kids and who cannot?
I could also wonder why you are still in school at age 26. But I won't as long as you promise me to stop being so judgmental about others.
Well that's different And yes, I highly advise waiting until you feel you are at the point where you have to stress about unexpected expenses,etc.
There's a big difference between wanting to ensure you won't worry about bills on a monthly bases or being able to pay for your kids diabetes treatment than wanting to be at the point where you know you can buy each of your kids their own Iphone 4 and laptop
My kids are never getting that! LOL. I guess cushy was the wrong word to use. I was envisioning a "cushion" (aka savings) that I could fall back on in case of an emergency. My kids will get the basics and have to earn everything just like I did lol. I cannot wrap my head around why all these kids have these iPhones these days, etc. My parents didn't fall into the pressure to buy any of that stuff for me and I didn't go off the deep end or rebel. I guess I'll see how that works when I have my own kids. I mean, if they get straight A's and help around the house and REALLY want one, I would definitely consider it, but the majority of kids I know aren't ANYWHERE near that lol.
I guess cushy, in my sense, just means that I won't have to stress money at all if they just so happen to need something or, Lord forbid, they have a medical issue that is costly. Life throws so many unknown curveballs, I guess I overthink it and prefer to have more money in my savings to feel secure having kids...otherwise I'd totally have them! I get what you mean.
I get it. Dh has a master's degree, and does fine, money wise. I've been able to stay home for the past few years, but only because we had equity to buy a house when we relocated (we also downsized). We buy used cars. We haven't done a thing to the house since we bought it 4 years ago except have the exterior painted. We don't take exotic vacation. We camp and take road trips. I just got a smart phone this year. Our appliances are 10+ years old. DS7 has had some medical issues. Thankfully his therapy is covered by insurance at the moment, but I'm acquainted with some parents of kids with the same issues, and they are having to skip therapy because it costs hundreds of dollars a month. You are smart to want to be financially secure.
^^I agree you're smart to want to be financially secure, but I can tell you if you wait until everything is perfect, you'll never have the kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BingCherry
I was raised in an upper middle class neighborhood. That's a fact. Where I lived when I got out on my own is different, but I came from somewhere where people weren't expected to pop out kids in their late teens and early 20s and conform to a lifetime of unintended pregnancies and poverty. Majority of my peers had the means to easily finance their educations (aka mom/dad) and advance into some kind of career.
And no, I'm not in grad school. I have my nursing license and decided to complete my Bachelor's in something different. I'm a few courses away and have worked and paid for my education out of pocket. Even though my parents had money, they didn't hand me anything for free in my life. What a stupid comment. I've been in plenty of classes with people JUST starting college and they're in their late 30s and 40s.
My guy is a year younger than me and earned a scholarship to NYU, but nothing is free in life "bright" one. We're supporting each other through college as adults--not as dorm students.
I'm sorry you think my comment was "stupid". I was just trying to get a picture of what's going on. I think the "Upper middle class" stuff is kind of boastful. You can say all that w/o talking about your parents' financial status.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BingCherry
My kids are never getting that!
LOL! Many of us had said the same thing and have had to eat our words.
I'm 26 and I've noticed over the last couple of years (esp. recently) all of my friends seem to be getting married and girls my age are now on their 2nd and 3rd kids. I came from an upper middle class neighborhood and I feel like I'm one of the last one of my peers who isn't married or knocked up...or on my 2nd or 3rd baby.
Is this normal? I sometimes almost feel sad for girls my age. I look at their FB and in their employer section I swear it feels like all of them have "Stay at home mommy" and a picture of a new sonogram with their umpteenth baby on the way. Considering that the majority of their husbands don't even have a college degree (and neither do they) I wonder how they do it. I feel like the odd ball out and wonder if I'm going to regret waiting so long to have kids.
I'm with a wonderful guy, but we're finishing college and I told him even though I would love a baby, I'm trying to think logically and at least get our degrees and loans out of the way. My peers seem SO relaxed and not worried at all, which makes me feel like I worry about finances too much, but I just felt like I was being responsible.
Most of them work at Rite-Aid or are married to husbands that work as supervisors at a pizza restaurant or are in the military. I guess I can't wrap my head around it. I have this weird feeling that once girls hit the age of 21 their minds go into baby-mode. I remember working at a sales job at Bloomingdales in the mall and I worked in the baby area (partly). The girls I worked with would sigh and say stuff like "I can't wait until I don't work and can be a stay at home mommy"....and others would see other women shopping with their babies during the day and say "I wish I was a housewife and had a baby already".
I really don't envy women who are stay at home moms, because I like to make money and the vast majority of them don't seem to have husbands who are engineers, doctors, lawyers, etc. so I honestly don't know how they have a savings account or more than enough money to really feel content. Am I going through a crisis? Is it just normal for girls my age to be going nuts and popping out babies like crazy? Everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to get married and have babies. Because my guy and I want to go to graduate school it probably won't be until 30, but then I wonder if I'll feel like I have less energy in my 30s to raise kids and look back and say "Wow, I wish I would have just toughed it out and had kids young".
You are completely normal and you are being responsible. I worry about those who don't have an education and pop out babies when they are so young. Sure, it's "normal" to have kids at that age as well but one would hope they would have some kind of savings or education because a job at Rite-Aid isn't paying the bills let alone a household with 2 or 3 kids.
You keep doing what you are doing. You're doing it the right way, the way that makes you feel comfortable.
You know what is also normal? Those of us who don't want to have kids. I'm older than you and I get a lot of strange looks, like there's something wrong with me because I do not have kids and do not want to have kids.
I'm far too selfish with my time, no it will not change if I were to have "one of my own", too much to do, too much to see, I feel no need to participate in the mommy world and you'll certainly never find me stuffing a baby in the trunk of my car because I want to go party.
I think you're being very responsible and I applaud you for it. Oh and you won't be too tired in your 30s. I know it sounds "old" but you're still very young at 30.
What offends me is the idea that you are so judgmental of your age mates. Your entire first post shows disdain for those with less education, those who have job you consider low class, and for those who choose to stay home instead of work. FULL of disdain.
How do you know who can afford their kids and who cannot?
I could also wonder why you are still in school at age 26. But I won't as long as you promise me to stop being so judgmental about others.
Obviously this is a personal issue for YOU "Momma_bear". You can go right ahead and ask me why I'm still in school at the age of 26 (I'm 25 turning 26 if that even makes a difference lol). Answer: Because I earned my nursing license and wanted more options, so I'm completing my Bachelor's in a different area. Answer 2: College isn't cheap, in case you aren't aware of this. If you've ever actually taken a college class, you would know this and as a working adult I don't qualify for government freebies, etc. I have to work hard and pay for things out of my pocket.
I think ANYONE who is working deserves some credit. It doesn't matter to me if they're broke or not so long as they aren't abusing the welfare system. I'm just scratching my head and wondering why anyone would willingly put themselves in the situation. I realize SOME pregnancies are completely unintended, but not all of these. With people continually pressuring me to get married and have a baby, I was looking for some honest feedback.
You seem as though you have self esteem issues. This post is not reflective of how I feel, but reflective of how you feel about yourself. If you had kids young and didn't go to college or have a career, you should be happy with that decision. It doesn't sound like you are.
^^I agree you're smart to want to be financially secure, but I can tell you if you wait until everything is perfect, you'll never have the kids.
I'm sorry you think my comment was "stupid". I was just trying to get a picture of what's going on. I think the "Upper middle class" stuff is kind of boastful. You can say all that w/o talking about your parents' financial status.
LOL! Many of us had said the same thing and have had to eat our words.
I'm not attempting to be boastful at all. My parents worked hard to put us in that kind of neighborhood because they wanted better for us. They'd honestly freak out if I had kids and got married right out of high school and I can understand why. I'm trying to give you an example of my background. Heck, I've fell on my butt and lived in the ghetto along the way. I'm not too good. Trust me.
Yes, I bet I will eat my words. I have a puppy, now, and I'm a SUCKER with her..and I'd typically describe myself as a hardball kind of woman. This puppy is so spoiled it's ridiculous lol...but then again, she doesn't talk back or throw tantrums.
I'm sorry you think my comment was "stupid". I was just trying to get a picture of what's going on. I think the "Upper middle class" stuff is kind of boastful. You can say all that w/o talking about your parents' financial status.
Economic status is a factor though so it's worth mentioning. It's a fact that people of lower ES in general have more children and at a younger age while college educated people wait longer and have less. It would boggle my mind too if I saw a lot of upper middle class people having so many children so young. I'm not saying it's bad it's just interesting because it goes against what I know.
Economic status is a factor though so it's worth mentioning. It's a fact that people of lower ES in general have more children and at a younger age while college educated people wait longer and have less. It would boggle my mind too if I saw a lot of upper middle class people having so many children so young. I'm not saying it's bad it's just interesting because it goes against what I know.
Yes, that's all I was trying to bring light to. I may have grown up in a great neighborhood, but I wasn't spoiled like my peers. I'm glad I wasn't, because it's made me cautious with my finances and forced me to think my decisions through.
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And yes, I highly advise waiting until you feel you are at the point where you have to stress about unexpected expenses,etc.
