Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I didn't honestly think about the "naming" part when I thought about babies, because as naive as it sounds I always assumed my first baby would be a girl(to which I had several names picked out, and so did he). We both thought this baby was going to be a girl.
Now on hindsight I do realize that the name discussion was probably more important than I thought. We had always covered parenting, our philosophies, etc, etc, prior to the pregnancy. we never talked about names.
Hmmm, I'm not sure what I would have done had he been against the name I chose for the girl. But knowing me I'm sure I would have tried my best to compromise. Usually he compromises as well, but for some reason with this name he is not willing to. It's bizarre really.
TBH I never thought Clarence was a horrible name. We actually call him Lee, since he is a third. So I never really called him by Clarence or thought about Clarence. It's always been "Lee". It wasn't until I started telling people that Clarence Lee would be the name, and got negative reactions that I started feeling embarrassed and yucky about the name. I mean not a one person I know likes this name. I just feel like I'm not getting support. It doesn't help that tonight right before I talked to my fiance, my dad told me "Please don't name your baby Clarence. He will not be able to get a job. It's country. And it's not a good name. Name him Stokley. Stokley has character."
And then I have my mom on the other hand, telling EVERYONE she knows, "The baby's name is Leland. Leland is going places." She tells this to everybody, even though I've told her several times that this may not be the baby's name.
My sister in law cringed and said, "Name the baby Jace, or Jaxxon. Clarence isn't a cute name"
Maybe that's the real problem? It's not necessarily the name that I'm bothered by, but the lack of support, and feeling as if people are saying that Clarence won't go places, or that Clarence is not a good enough name. And maybe that's why I feel that way about the name now?
I'd tell mom that if she loves the name Leland so much, then she is free to have another baby and name him that. Same goes for Dad with Stokley.
When it comes down to it, if it was true that having the name Clarence would prevent a man from getting a job, then your husband would have never gotten a job, nor his father nor his grandfather. That is a very weak argument.
Let's look at meanings:
Clarence - "British Title"
Leland - "Meadowland"
Stokley - "from the tree-stump meadow" (only found one place that even listed the name, spelled as Stokely)
So Clarence has royal ties while the other two are connected to meadows. I'd rather name a son connecting to a title than to a meadow. But that's just me.
Excellent post, really excellent. Love the examples of the famous Clarences.
However, you seem to be forgetting that rational discussions can go out the window when you are dealing with baby mama hormones and all of that.
My DH and I agreed on a boy name before we got pregnant. Once I was actually pregnant with DS, though, I absolutely refused to use that name and we went with the name I chose.
Fortunately DH is an easy going man....
Sometimes there is no reasoning with a pregnant woman!
I've got 4 kids.....know all about those hormones. haha
I hope this isn't the beginning of bigger problems that lay ahead. Compromise is crucial in parenting and a marriage. You sound immature. I am not trying to be mean but to just assume that you wouldn't have to worry about naming a boy is quite silly.
Having said all that I personally do not like traditions of naming children after people. I hate big John, little John stuff. I was glad my husband felt the same way. My mother named my brother after my dad. She didnt even like my father's name but in her generation this is what people did. My aunt did the same thing when my cousin was born. My brother is called by his middle name as well as my cousin. When I was pregnant my dad assumed I was naming my son after my husband. When I said we were not, my dad was actually pissed. He felt I was gipping my husband out of some right of passage or what not. Keep others opinions out of it. Get used to ignoring comments because believe me, you will get unsolicited advice galore after the baby is born.
Here are some common problems with same names and why I wouldn't do it. Credit reports get screwed up as well as insurance billing. My brother had a lot of financial problems and filed bankruptcy. This showed up on my Dad's credit report. You would think the different birthday and SS number would make a difference but it didn't. Same thing happened to my uncle. My cousin had a judgement, it showed up on my Uncle's credit. It takes time to get this stuff straightened out. My mother does medical billing for a living and has admitted she did my brother a disservice naming him after my Dad. She has seen many times where if a son and father have been treated at the same hospital, claims are sent to the wrong provider or medical records get mixed up. My brother actually had a medical claim rejected because he sees the same doctor as my father. The gal in the office made the mistake and that took a month or two of phone calls. You could bring this up to your fiance but at this at this point it probably wont matter. He will feel even more defensive as you bring up more reasons why not to name the baby his name.
I guess you will have to go with the tradition as it means a lot to your fiance. You have dreamed of having a little girl and he has probably dreamed of having a boy that will have his name. You also told him it was his choice and obviously he feels very passionate about it. Your son will feel honored as he gets older if its a big deal with your fiance's family. Since he goes by Lee, then maybe you could go with the nickname Lance. I do not think the name Clarence will keep your son from getting a job. There are a lot of wacky names out there that people cant even pronounce. I seriously cringe when I see some of them. My SIL did this when naming her daughter. She took a very common name and changed the complete spelling of it. It is spelled so wacky that is looks like a completely different name. She gets pissed when people call my niece the name as how it is spelled. Not my SIL's "creation". Your son's name might actually be a relief to a interviewer. Good Luck.
Really difficult. I understand his wanting to use the name. I know I'll get flack for this, but, I honestly do not like Jr's. It just seems vain to me. However, hubby & I discussed this way before we even tried to get preggo. He has always felt the same way. His father wanted him to be the III, & hubby's Mom said no way. But, in the case of a III, I can totally see why the tradition would want to be carried on. A Jr. isn't a tradition, it's the 1st part, if that makes sense. I know you can't get to a III w/o a Jr. or II, but, there is no way to be sure a Jr. or a II will lead to a III. lol
'Cute' isn't what you want on a resume.
Jace, Jaxxon, Stokley aren't all the great. Leland is a bit better. Clarence is a nice solid old fashioned name that will look just fine on a resume, makes me think of a CPA or a banker, something studious.
---------------------------------------------------------
Clarence Sr.
Clarence Jr.
Clarence II
Clarence III - your son would be the one entitled to the Tres, Trey, or Trip nickname. Does that sound a little more trendy to you?
Depending on how and where your BF grew up, dropping the family naming tradition is a huge deal.
I think there are a lot of options for nicknames too in addition to Trey etc.
Like Len, Lenny and Larry. Or by the middle name Lee.
I made this mistake....my bf wanted to name our daughter Teriana and I HATE that name. I decided to name her Trinitee but I told him if we ever have another little girl he could name her Teriana. I mean im still pregnant with the first one lol so this is a ways off but now im scared of ever getting pregnant again lol hes gonna hold me to it.
Tell your friends and family that the name is not up for discussion and that they will find out what it is after the baby is born.
If they bring it up after you've told them not to just look at them like this and if they persist
Normally I think that the name should be agreed upon by both parents but since it is tradition in your fiance's family to name sons after their fathers I don't see you winning this one. Sorry. I think that no matter what you name your son, it will grow on you since it will be attached to your baby boy.
1: You made an agreement that he could name his son KNOWING that there was a family tradition. Now you are going back on your word. Not good.
2: Every single name your family is telling you to name your son is far worse than the name Clarence.
I am sorry you are in this predicament, but it sounds to me like you don't have a problem with you son's name, you have a problem with a huge lack of respect from your friends and family. Remember no matter which of their (awful) name ideas you pick, the rest of the family and friends will probably still hate that name and be pushing for their own picks.
I would say your best hope of compromise is to keep Clarence Lee but see if you can incorprate another name along with them. I also agree that Clarence is a good, solid name and Lee is a good solid name. Have one be the first and the other the middle. As the other poster mentioned you don't use middle names on resumes.
This is how I feel too. The fact that he doesn't care that I hate that name, bothers me. What makes it worse, is that in his extended family it is tradition to name the first boy after the dad. So I'm sure that has a lot to do with it as well. He is going around telling everyone this is what the baby's name is going to be, and I'm angry that he won't at least compromise or budge. It's not helping that I'm feeling the pressure from family and friends to not name the baby this name.
You made an agreement and are now trying to back down because you were sure that things would go your way (it would be a girl). It sounds like you went into the agreement with the thought that you'd get to call the shots and are upset that you lost. I think the whole "You get to do this without any input from me if it's a boy and I get to do the same if it's a girl" is a very bad plan. You can see now how bad it was because of what has transpired once you found out the gender.
That you would be getting into arguments with each other and extended family over this is really strange to me. Imagine when you come across a real problem that has to be dealt with. I understand the idea of tradition and wanting to keep names in the family but if you sat down together and he said "I'd like to incorporate my grandfather's name into the child's name if it's a boy..." then maybe you could have compromised and gave him Clarence as a middle name or some variation on that name or whatever. Instead, you made it almost a contest in which one person gets to call the shots and the other has zero input. Not too good for the person on the "losing" side of that.
Had it been a girl and you wanted to name her something that he hated and whined and moaned and complained about what would you have done? Would you have backed down or would you have said "Sorry! It's a girl and I get to name her so I'm naming her whatever I want"? Think about that. You might get self serving and say "No, I would change it if he was that unhappy" but that's easy to say if you're not the one in that position. It sounds like he was thrilled to be able to name the boy after his family in a traditional way. For you to try to take that back because you came out on the short end is wrong.
Some web site about baby names has "Clay" as a nickname for Clarence which might sound better to you.
I didn't read the entire thread, but just wanted to say that I think Clarence Lee is a nice sounding name. Clarence, IMO sounds traditional and sophisticated. When I think of that name, I envision a very refined man.
The fact that it's a family tradition is clearly important to your boyfriend. If I were in the same situation, I would go with the tradition, even if I didn't care for the name.
As for people cringing and saying they don't like the name... Honestly, when parents-to-be discuss possible names, I think it is in extremely poor taste when people say they don't like a name. What happens when the baby ends up with that name? Then you know that certain people don't like it. I can remember every person who said they didn't like our name choices before our children were born. It's rude. To get around this predicament, my brother and sister in law were very smart and didn't tell anyone their name choices until after their kids were born.
It sounds like a difficult situation, given that you don't like the name. It would be very hard to name your child something you don't like. At the same time, however, imagine how it makes your boyfriend feel to have you saying such nasty things about his, his father's, and his grandfather's name. What if he said the same things about your name? It is worthwhile to really try to put yourself in your boyfriend's and your son's shoes on this one. Your son is the fourth generation to a tradition, and that is something special and something to be proud of. I bet your son will appreciate being a part of the tradition. Do you think if you stand in the way of him sharing his father's, grandfather's, and great-grandfather's name that he might be bothered by it at some point? Sharing a family name will be far more meaningful than him being one of three trendily named Jacks or Aidens in his classroom (nothing against those names...they are fine - one of my kids has a trendy name too - lol).
Good luck!
Last edited by marmom; 07-20-2011 at 07:09 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It doesn't help that tonight right before I talked to my fiance, my dad told me "Please don't name your baby Clarence. He will not be able to get a job. It's country. And it's not a good name. Name him Stokley. Stokley has character." 
He felt I was gipping my husband out of some right of passage or what not. Keep others opinions out of it. Get used to ignoring comments because believe me, you will get unsolicited advice galore after the baby is born. 
and if they persist 
