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I became a first-time Dad at age 46 and my wife was 31. I thought I had already experienced the best part of my life, having traveled the world, had my adventures, progressed in my career, etc.
Imagine my surprise when one night at Target, my wife says "I need something from the pharmacy area" and proceeded to get a pregnancy test kit, which later that evening turned out positive.
At the moment when I helped bring her into the world, my face was so close to hers that we shared her first breath. I said aloud to her as she began to cry (as did I) "Everything in my life has been a prelude to this..."
Wow!
She's 5 years old now and the light of my life. I thought my career was challenging but now know what the word really means. She's growing beautifully and (at least in my eyes), perfectly in every way, and surprises me daily with her views on how the world works. I'm as proud as can be, and wouldn't miss a moment of this for anything!
Who knew playing Legos could be so much fun for a 50 y.o. man? She's keeping me from getting old!
I was always going to have only one child. When I was a kid the only childs seemed to be much happier and the parents closer. We were going to wait five years to have children. Then we had a "condom" pregnancy and ended up having twins. One child idea = gone. We enjoyed being parents so much that we had another four years later. Then another came along thirteen months after. I do not remember whether that was a choice or not. After five years, we both felt like something was missing. We were a little less careful and preto - number five. I never would have thought that we would have five kids, but I would never consider not having five kids if I could go back in time. It is fabulous. In fact, we recently considered adopting another, but we decided to take on exchange students for a while and wait for grandchildren. We absolutely love having a house filled with people and noise. Now that most of the kids are teens and are gone a lot, we find the silence in our house to be unnerving at times. Give me chaos and commotion anyday.
I became a first-time Dad at age 46 and my wife was 31. I thought I had already experienced the best part of my life, having traveled the world, had my adventures, progressed in my career, etc.
Imagine my surprise when one night at Target, my wife says "I need something from the pharmacy area" and proceeded to get a pregnancy test kit, which later that evening turned out positive.
At the moment when I helped bring her into the world, my face was so close to hers that we shared her first breath. I said aloud to her as she began to cry (as did I) "Everything in my life has been a prelude to this..."
Wow!
She's 5 years old now and the light of my life. I thought my career was challenging but now know what the word really means. She's growing beautifully and (at least in my eyes), perfectly in every way, and surprises me daily with her views on how the world works. I'm as proud as can be, and wouldn't miss a moment of this for anything!
Who knew playing Legos could be so much fun for a 50 y.o. man? She's keeping me from getting old!
I was always going to have only one child. When I was a kid the only childs seemed to be much happier and the parents closer. We were going to wait five years to have children. Then we had a "condom" pregnancy and ended up having twins. One child idea = gone. We enjoyed being parents so much that we had another four years later. Then another came along thirteen months after. I do not remember whether that was a choice or not. After five years, we both felt like something was missing. We were a little less careful and preto - number five. I never would have thought that we would have five kids, but I would never consider not having five kids if I could go back in time. It is fabulous. In fact, we recently considered adopting another, but we decided to take on exchange students for a while and wait for grandchildren. We absolutely love having a house filled with people and noise. Now that most of the kids are teens and are gone a lot, we find the silence in our house to be unnerving at times. Give me chaos and commotion anyday.
That was my home growing up. We always had an extra chair for a kid to join us for dinner and most did. It was a happy home, one I tried to create but I don't think I did as well as my parents in that regard.
I suspected it was hard. After all, I purposely waited until my late 20s because I knew I didn't have the patience prior to that. But I had no idea it was as hard as it was. I remember saying, "My mother never told me it was this hard." (I suspect she didn't because she feared I would never have children if she had told me.) She died while I was pregnant. The only thing she told me was that I would be a good mother. Man, I latched onto those words during the hard times.
Yes, I remember being surprised. I was surprised by my patience, selflessness, and ability to endure unbelievable stress. I was most surprised that being a mother is where I found purpose in my life. I thought my life was purposeful prior to being a parent, but I was wrong. The love I feel for my children is unmatched. I've never loved anyone else so deeply and so unconditionally.
Honestly, parenting isn't for everyone. I never try to encourage people to have children when they don't want children. I don't understand why society does that.
Nope. I knew why I wanted children - to raise responsible, caring, independent adults, while everyone around me was in their 'hippie' stage - "Oh, let them run freee, let them grow NATurallly". What a bunch of spoiled brats! So I decided I would do it right. Unfortunately I initially picked the wrong man to do it WITH; he said the right things but when it came down to it he thought that children were pawns to prove what a wonderful human being he was, not small beings with thoughts and minds and hearts to be molded.
My second DH surprised EVERYone but himself. Everyone 'just knew' he would never get married, and especially not have kids - good grief, he was a drinker, a partier, a randy rascal and 'bad boy' who would never settle down! When we got married, people were shocked - he adopted my two boys and raised our daughter with an intelligent passion like any TV Dad, Ward Cleaver or "My Three Sons". He simply waited til he found a woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and who shared the same ideas and ideals about raising children. He is and has been a devoted dad since day one. My sons were so happy to get out of their relationship with my ex (who eagerly gave them up for adoption so he didn't have to pay 4 years of back child support) that they started calling my 2nd hubby "Dad" right away. Most people didn't even know the boys were adopted, DH treated them like they were his own, and everyone said they looked like him - which made them all inordinately proud. We went on to take in foster children, teach them right from wrong, and love them too. Many people call me Mom even today, including the kids I work with at school, and everyone has always called my DH "Dad" - even when they were only a few years younger! He's a natcheral father figure.
Thanks for the responses. It's nice hearing how rewarding it is, and how it may have changed you. Something I probably won't experience. Maybe my next life.
I can't imagine going through life without my children. They were meant to be. But the ride has been very different than I expected.
When I started having my children, in my late twenties, I was a cool, confident young woman and high-achiever, who, after all, had been one of the "most popular" people in high school I thought all this "coolness" and confidence about myself would certainly carry over into my parental "influence". Not hardly! My children have not listened to me any more than I listened to my own mother.
It's been MUCH harder than I thought it would be; I thought I would have much more influence, control, and effectiveness than I have had. You think you are going to have control over something that you produce, that is part of you, but they truly are separate human beings with minds of their own, if that makes any sense. I think that was my biggest "surprise".
A group of us where I work were taking turns telling a very young, expectant co-worker what we found hardest about our parenting years. The oldest woman among us piped up and said "Actually, the hardest part of raising my children was the whole first 25 years". I couldn't agree more.
My children are now young adults. I have realized that the best I can do is support them morally when they are moving forward, not enable them if they are sliding backwards, and set an example myself in how hard I work, how I treat others, express what I feel makes common sense and what doesn't, and stand strong about the things I feel are right and wrong, and fair. Other than that, I try not to feel too guilty, and I pray for them a lot. That's about the best you can do.
Recently, my older child has taken to asking my "advice" about some things. A couple of years ago, in that child's eyes, I didn't know anything about anything. That right there is amazing to me in itself.
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I love your last sentence!!!
