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I'm only ruse to her. I don't like her. She sounds just like my mom and tries to sit there and tell me everything my mom had done was right or good.
My mo has done some low stuff in the past, sone unforgivable things. Mel pisses me off so much.
Then say " you're reading the situation wrong" or " I don't think you see what I'm saying" or " that comment annoyed me." You absolutely have the right to disagree with mel and/or to be pissed off, but you don't have the right to be disrespectful to her (or anyone else) while you're doing it. Do you see the difference?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
One of the biggest parts of being a "grown up" is treating people with respect even when you disagree with them. Even when they "**** you off".
Beachmel is a wife and mother who has been there and done that and given ALL of us the benefit of her wisdom. I, for one, am tremendously glad she's here.
Thanks so much friends for all of your support. Sometimes, the hardest thing for a person to face, is their own reflection in the mirror. The saddest part is when someone can't ever accept responsibility for their own actions. Because of that critical flaw, they are destined to make the same mistakes over and over again....after all, it's always someone else's fault. The problem with that logic is, changing the characters, the scenery, the job?.....changes nothing. The common denominator, the one who is responsible for all of those problems, is still the same.
Insanity is....repeating the same thing, over and over again....failing each time, yet always expecting a different result.
I am so disgusted right now, I just have to say this to put it in context.
I just watched a story on 60 Minutes about homeless kids in Florida. Their mom died, and their dad lost his construction job and THEY LIVE IN A CAR! so cry me a freaking river, txt, about being stuck at your mom's house My 8 year old has more of a grasp on reality than you do!
I just watched that as well, and totally agree with you.
Txt, let me tell you the story of my 16 year old daughter. You see, my husband died within months of being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, leaving me to raise our five kids. Luckily, I had (and still have) a good job that has survived in this crappy economy so money wise we've still been able to live comfortably. However- there have been numerous occasions where my presence has been needed at work at an unplanned time, I've had to stay late at work, I got stuck in traffic, among many other situations that have left me needing someone to watch my younger ones. Usually these situations are last minute, so my daughter is the one I ask. She's said no to many invitations, skipped out on many parties, etc. because someone older needed to be home with the others. Sure, she's more than likely thought to herself "why me?" several times. But I can ASSURE you that she is not sitting on an internet forum, complaining to a bunch of moms that "omg my mom makes me watch my siblings a lot and omg life sucks and I hate her and why can't my mom be nice to me sometimes? tear tear tear". Why? Because she realizes that everyone is dealt a certain deck of cards, and if she wants that to be changed she could do many things- talk it out with me in a MATURE fashion, call someone she knows to babysit, suck it up at just deal with it, etc. She KNOWS that people aren't out to get her and if she really wants something to be changed, she'll deal with it herself, not relying on other people for her happiness... or lack of happiness.
She does sound wonderful, doesn't she Zim! I'm just blown away but the absolute self-centeredness of some of these kids! It's so good to hear about one who truly FEELS that sense of responsibility to her family "unit". My daughter has always...ALWAYS just been one of "us". If something needed to be done, she did it! She didn't complain or whine. It was necessary, so she did it. That goes right down to when her little brother was born. She was 10 years old. She asked how to change a diaper. She was like a little frickin' mom! If he needed a bottle, etc. I used to have to remind her that I was the mom and as much as I loved and wholeheartedly appreciated her incredible help, that sometimes....I just wanted her to be a little girl sometimes!
Because of her attitude, that young woman is so SMART and so incredibly capable. Everything I know how to do, SHE wants to know how to do. She never takes instruction as an insult or like I'm trying to make her feel stupid. Instead, she is like a dry sponge...soaking up every little drop of knowledge that people are willing to share with her, and then thanking them for sharing that knowledge, for caring enough to share something that they don't HAVE to share.
You know, some of us are truly blessed, beyond belief, with amazing kids.
Wait. Someone's been holding you captive and forcing you to live like a teenager? Horrors. I'd call the authorities.
No on was forcing me to stay here.
But I haven't had the choice on how I live my life while I am here. I even have to keep some of my activities outside of the house a secret.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
Txt - you have not been forced against your will. No one has held a gun to your head and told you you are not allowed to further your education and that you cannot get a job, drive a car or move out. You are still living like a teenager due to the choices YOU have made. You were on here years ago, complaining because your mom had a rule that you needed to be either working or in college. You didn't think that was fair. If you would have followed her rules to begin with, you'd most likely have at least completed an Associates Degree by now; you might have stuck with a job long enough to be promoted and be earning enough money to have moved out. You've spent your "extra" money on things like expensive cell phones, a bellybutton piercing and a nose stud. You chose to make those things priorities in your life. You.
When I asked what you meant by "living life differently" I asked that because my original thought when you answered that was that perhaps you meant that you wanted to start fresh and take responsibility for your actions - to lead a healthier life both mentally and physically. That maybe you wanted to move forward in seeking help for your depression or anxiety - by looking into what is available for lower income/no health insurance situations; to take responsibility by eating healthier and mentally preparing yourself to succeed. Then I thought, "no, I'll bet she just means to whine more about her mom". But, I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, so I asked. I wish I could say your answer surprised me.
You want to stop living like a teenager, then start behaving like an adult. By that I don't mean coming here and telling us about your sex life or the fact that you can buy a drink if you'd like....Adults understand the concept of delayed gratification. We choose to delay some of our "wants" to take care of our needs. We understand that by making difficult choices now, we open up our opportunities down the road. We try to plan for the future, even if it entails short term discomfort or sacrifice. We understand that our choices are our responsiblity - and that hopefully, they result in success that we can also "own"...but it's up to us to get there.
Actually, when I first came here it was a few short months after my mom had FINALLY let me start driving alone, and I'm not talking about with friends in the car or anything. I'm talking just me in the vehicle.
I had my permit for almost 3 years, she wouldn't pay for my DL from 16-18 and then once I turned 18 she definitely wasn't going to pay. She finally let me get it when I was a month shy of 19, only because she needed another driver when we drove to TN over the summer.
And I did follow her rules. I was in college till this past December, I just didn't go back in January because I discussed with my grandmother how there was just enough left to go to police academy. I am saving it for police academy and was doing police explorers which my grandmother considered schooling as well. There was a gap in employment but during that gap I was focusing on school.
Also, last year when I got my belly button pierced it was a BIRTHDAY PRESENT, my nose was also shortly after my birthday WHICH WAS ALSO A GIFT, and every cell phone I had with my mom was bought by her. In this whole time I have bough two cell phones, one was a blackberry curve WHICH WAS FREE FROM T-MOBILE, and the second phone I have now was a gift as well, I didn't pay for the phone, my friend paid $50 for it, for my birthday.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Maybe now it'll sink in because I have said this a million times.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel
Oh yes, YES, I AM on drugs! It's called R-E-A-L-I-T-Y-prophen!! Clearly, we're ALL on the same drug here. You might want to pick yourself up a prescription and join us! At least this post gave me a chuckle. LMFAO! Forced...against your WILL???? to live like a teenager??? Are you friggin' kidding me!? If you wanted to live like a 22 year old woman, instead of like a teenager, you would have followed your mother's advice, delayed your ridiculous, childish gratifications and had a place of your own. You and only YOU have made the choices and decisions which have kept you a prisoner of your own making! You've blown it, every single time, because no one can tell you anything you don't want to hear or expect anything of you that YOU don't think is fair.
What a waste of time, trying to help you. Like others have said, all you want is to whine. You want some magic delusional crap to take back to your mom, so you can say, "See Mom, other mom's agree with me! You're the one who's screwed up." Well she's not txt. You're the one who's screwed up. Your poor mother. She's far, far too kind. I would never allow my children to treat me the way you treat her. I do have an adult child living here, you bet I do and that girl treats everyone in this house with respect and she IS a responsible adult, one who pays her way and works just as hard around this place as every other adult. She hasn't acted like damn teenager since she was 12 years old. Thank God!
I think the question we all want answered here? Are YOU on drugs? ARE you? ....or are you just naturally, really.....that screwed up?
This is EXACTLY what I am talking about.
Are you my mom's best friend?
Do you know her personally?
No you don't. You don't know her at all. You know what I have said to you, and from that you somehow get that my mom is this sweet lady with nothing but compassion and kindness in her heart.
This is why you **** me off, you're defending my mom like you know her and you don't.
She is not a nice person, its NOT "poor her". It isn't.
I don't "treat" her in any way, I barely talk to her, she stays shut up in her room and I stay away from the house. When ever she sees me she is full of nothing but put downs and says stuff to try and hurt me and insult me.
My mom never tells me she loves me, never tells me good job and congratulations, she's always putting me down and insulting me. If I drop something, if I get something wrong, anything. Anytime I call her she's always pissed always yelling at me.
She is so full of negativity towards me.
I told my mom about the security job. She didn't really care. Didn't show an ounce of excitement towards me.
I told a manager at work who I am close with and who is about or older than my mom, said ohhh that's what you've been wanting, I am so happy for you and she got up and gave me a hug.
I get more hugs from work from people I've known for 3 months than I have from my mom in the past two years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
You had college money, a free place to live and then you were given a brand new car. How is that nothing?
And whether or not you like Mel, she deserves respect...she is trying to be helpful by giving you the truth even if it's not what you want to hear. She wasn't meaning life as a teen was enjoyable, but that it was an opportunity to get ahead. An opportunity many don't have and one you might have been grateful for and taken advantage of instead of complaining about it for years on end.
She doesn't know the truth. She doesn't know my mom and she needs to quit telling me that my mom is this poor poor wonderful woman who is being victimized by me.
Have I ever hit my mom? NO
Has she ever hit me(not spanking)? Yes, plenty of times, I have had a cut cheek, a busted lip, once even had a concussion. She gets violent.
Everyday I would come home from school. I would tell my mom all about my day, funny things that were said, stuff that happened, things that upset me, someone who was mean to me, I even enjoyed telling my mom about my day into high school. Look at that, a teenager who was open and willing to share their lives with their parent.
She told me she didn't want to hear it. I had that little time alone with my mom when she came to pick me up from school to just talk with her and spend time with her before she picked up my brother.
She would either flat out tell me she didn't care or she'd get on her cell phone and then she'd be off her phone by the time she picked him up and talked to him about his day. Its not like she was giving him the attention because he was the younger child, she had just been alone with me for at least 20 minutes which was more than enough time to talk to her.
My mom hasn't liked me since I was little, she had my brother, my brother got really sick, she spent all this time with him and they bonded better than my mom and I ever had a chance to.
I am not this ungrateful little brat who doesn't care about my mom and hates her and just wishes she would get out of my life.
I hurt beyond belief every night and day from the stuff she says and does to me. I hurt so much. All I have ever wanted was my mom to like me for me. All I have ever wanted was for her to accept me and spend time with me. I don't want her out of my life, I want her an active positive part of it.
BUT if she can't do that and she doesn't then I push her out.
I am getting somewhere right now, things are turning around for me and changing. I am not doing anything she can't accept.
K so I am a little free spirited, I like to fly by the seat of my pants, I am slightly tomboyish, I love hip hop, I am into technology, I am proficient in sarcasm, I like comedy. THESE are the kinds of differences we have. Differences in opinions.
I'm not out prostituting, and whoring my self out to every Tom, Dick and Harry. I'm not out doing drugs. I have a job, I pay for a lot of my own stuff. I am successful in my friendships and other relationships. I get along with my co-workers. I work hard. My free time is spent at TG's, we stay in and watch tv and play video games or we go play disc golf or drive to the mountains.
My mom says she doesn't know me and I am a stranger to her but she's pushed me away for so long and told me she didn't care about me and that she wished she had never been a parent, well what did she think was going to happen. I'm still here, I haven't changed much, but I am a harder person, closed off and angry all the time, because I hurt so much.
I know I can't change my mom but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate her being this way to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305
Why is living at home at the age of 22 supposed to be enjoyable? Of course it's not. That's why most people use the ages of about 18-20 to find a way to get out. YOU didn't do that. That's no one's fault but your own.
I have a friend whose parents decided to up and move when she was 17 and in HS. Not wanting to move weeks before graduating, she got a crappy apartment full of roaches. She'd been working since she was 14, so she was able to do that. She has lived on her own ever since. She worked the same retail job for years, and put herself through JC and then through a state college. She now has a wonderful husband and kids, and lives in a 3000 sf house in our area. If she can do it, you can do it. Quit acting like the world owes you, It doesn't.
Never said it was suppose to be fun.
I was replying to the was BM said what she said, as if it was suppose to be a good thing.
It's not, I know it's not, I know from experience.
I can live with the freedom I have now because I am not controlled outside the house and controlled very little inside the house. If I keep quiet and keep things clean I can get by without any headaches.
I just would like a place to call my own, so I can do as I please and be a full adult.
When are you going to get it through your thick head, that your mom is under no obligation to allow a 22 year old adult to live with her? When are you going to get it through your thick head that it is because of your own choices that you are still living there? I don't care if your mom is satan himself. How horrible your mom is is completely irrelevant. All that is relevant is that you are 22 years old, you aren't going to school, and still live rent free at your mom's.
You are who you are. We don't have to live with you. I can tell you this much, because of your chronic need for constant attention, the constant need to compare yourself to others, your constant need for attention and positive affirmation, your constant need to be the center of attention and paint yourself a victim....OMG...that's why your mother couldn't wait to lock herself in her room. You claim she tried to do pageants with you, buy you cute girly stuff, do cute stuff with your hair and you hated all of it....resented everything she did for you because you HATED it. That's why your mother poured herself into a different child. You were so rotten and ungrateful and miserable that she gave UP on having a relationship with you. Yet, she STILL allows you to freeload under her roof! Yes, she's a MONSTER!
You are who you are. We don't have to live with you. I can tell you this much, because of your chronic need for constant attention, the constant need to compare yourself to others, your constant need for attention and positive affirmation, your constant need to be the center of attention and paint yourself a victim....OMG...that's why your mother couldn't wait to lock herself in her room. You claim she tried to do pageants with you, buy you cute girly stuff, do cute stuff with your hair and you hated all of it....resented everything she did for you because you HATED it. That's why your mother poured herself into a different child. You were so rotten and ungrateful and miserable that she gave UP on having a relationship with you. Yet, she STILL allows you to freeload under her roof! Yes, she's a MONSTER!
I want attention all the time because I spend a lot of time alone.
I go to work, have brief conversations with customers, nothing deep and meaningful and I come home, I have no one to eat dinner with and then I just sit in my room and watch tv because everyone else is in their rooms.
And I live positive affirmation because I never hear "thank you", "good job", "I love you". I don't hear it. I don't get praised for anything I do good. Of course I am seeking it out other places.
I feel like I'm getting trolled right now.
Honestly I would love for my mom to do anything with me. Eat dinner with me, get a cup of coffee with me, anything at all. I want my mom or a mom figure in my life, I obviously need it to even myself out.
OMFG, that was for a few years that I did those pagents.
I put up with it for years.
I was shy, I had stage fright, I would go up on stage and completely make a fool out of myself because all I could manage to do was stand there and wave awkwardly because I hated being up on stage in front of all those people.
I wasn't rotten ungrateful and miserable. I just wanted to be a kid, I just wanted to have fun.
And all those pagent moms are wonderful mothers and if those little girls don't like it, how terrible of them.
But I am going to bed now, I am tired....tired doesn't cut it, I am exhausted, I have no more left inside of me tonight. I have a headache. BF weekend has been hard and I have Monday and Tuesday off and I am going to recooperate.
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My 8 year old has more of a grasp on reality than you do!
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